Coco & I

Have you been aware of a time in your life, when you've walked the earth soil, burning, scorching with blisters on your feet, and so fatigued in body, mind and soul you've been, that you sent out a Silent Prayer, asking him...to love thee...

And when the first ever drop of love, to fall from heavens gate, kissed the soil and emanated such sweet fragrance...making you aware, you are loved, you are safe, for now your soul bare naked is washed out with a Love Supreme; A Love you've often dreamt, because right in your gut, you knew...You Deserve A Love like this!

That Love to me is Coco; he changed the entire trajectory of my life. He kissed my dark nights with stars and dreams...He Made My Dying Stars Blink!

The Story I'm about to share is Of Love, Faith & Hope!

What are we mere mortals without a grain of Faith and a drop of Hope!

Love that does not give you Hope, is no love at all. In today's world where most people swap left-right, this Love is truly one of a kind.

Prior to Cocos coming in my life, I lived the most challenging eight years of my life. Barely two months into my marriage on the fateful day of 3rd November 2001, I couldn't walk. I was in unspeakable pain, which then was looked as a "generic-back pain", and little did Atul and I knew that the roller-coaster that life embarked us on, that wheel is still spinning down to 17+ years now.

I wonder if anyone would have told me on that fateful day, that the so called normal life that we as humans take so much for granted, all of those little little things that we aren't even aware of as synonymous as breathing, it's all about to change, and it would go on for not just a few months but seventeen years in all. Would I have made it through, if someone had told me this is how your life shall be. Clinging to Hope is a far better choice than penduling between fear and doubts.Somewhere our Spirit which is not of this world is the only oar that helps us swim through these tumultuous seas of life.

A person who's walked outside of pain, learns much from those who've lived for years, but only if he has the heart and time to listen.Pain in its Silence, makes one a good listener. You listen to everything in life, you listen to those unsaid words that people speak through their eyes, whether in their eye your life is validated or cherished just because you are a human being, or whether you are just looked upon as a mere medical case, which their shallow vision is unable to look beyond.

You listen to those feelings which are hurtful, mocking, looking down upon you, while you are there Silently- Giving!

Yes you become more of a Giver and a Forbearing person. Pain reminds you about the beauty of life, far away from this mad chase and rush to become something. It gives you time. Oh! Seventeen years I've slept on bed, mostly, looking at the ceiling fan, drifting away, because if life took away my strength to stand, Love made sure I had a Beautiful-mind. That love can be any name, it can be God, Supreme Power, and even animals. To me that love is my beautiful baby Coco.

I've lived with hope, I've filled journals over journals with ideas on project that I wish to work upon, art, children's books, everything under the sun. Some may call it naive and foolishness, but to me this hope is far better than to live in fear.

I was bedridden for two months and after a month stay at my parents place, Atul took me back home and tended for one more month and he's been doing so for last 17years, where I've been bedridden innumerable times. Would I call us husband and wife, No! We've journeyed together as souls as friends, as dancers in life, where without his arms, this dance just wouldn't be what it is. It takes great strength for one to bare their story, but what are we, without stories of our life's, if not shared. Maybe my story shall give hope to someone in need, and even if one person shall be touched by it. My life shall be fulfilled. Because in Gods eye even one single life is cherished and he never gives upon us.

This pain led us into a mad circus of life. We have seen doctors over doctors, done unspeakable amount of test, tried our hands at various alternative therapies too. What is the level of pain from 1 to 10. I've been often asked this question, where Science needs to measure the pain intensity that can only be relieved with a pill, while Spirituality empathises the pain more humanely. Where the smiley face chart would be a 1- signifying least pain to a drooping 10, which means beyond all threshold...And once when I pointed out '10', to a doctor, she replied "It can't be for otherwise you'd be screaming and crying".

No! Pain makes you quieter, much more contained. Like a dark cloud that drift's away, holding so much water that if it burst it could wash away an entire city.

How can anyone measure or understand pain. And what when some pains are not visible to the human eye. We've been advised to plan a child, even by the doctors who've seen me unable to walk, "Plan a child it will take your mind off pain", or the worst of it, "it's all in your mind". Oh! How I hope they could create a magic wand and swish off the pain from ones mind, so that it does not seep into ones body. Yes! I'm aware of the psychological aspect, but all I'm asking, if most pain is difficult to diagnose, does it mean that the person is just plain crazy, cooking up stories, running from one doctor to the other, wasting her time just because it's "presumed", she has no better thing to do.

Along with this mad circus, Atul & I have danced through even the most traumatic phase, where I was constantly judged and demeaned. How does a human life get completely swiped off, only because a person is unable to do things. Oh! Pop a pill see that's what I do, so why can't you. Would anyone want to live a life of being bedridden. And you come across such dark minds who utter the most nasty words & have no capacity to understand let alone,

they compare your life to theirs. Where over the years words, eyes, tone are used to remind you that because of your illness you've failed, that feeling where you are abandoned, because somewhere your pain is seen something, that offends people, as you no longer are in a position to fulfil their wishes that you otherwise could. There is so much anger and such hurt that I've dealt with over the years, that I became numb. I just have one question, why would a person choose to be bedridden if they can do things. Pain is inevitable but when it crushes your knees, such that you are unable to stand up and yet you smile and walk through it. I ask those who question & judge, "have you lived 17 years of life, mostly bedridden, unable to do things, with your symptoms spiralling downwards so much so that, you live in a time machine". Walk- 15-20 minutes, then your body will shut, so better switch gears, sit not beyond 10-15 minutes and one fine day, walking a distance of a couple of steps is nothing greater than an achievement. And maybe some days pulling up your body even for 5 minutes is one of the greatest of test, because the pain not only grips your muscles but goes deep into your tissues and nerves, such that even a distance of a couple of steps, that would otherwise take barely few seconds, is covered in a span of 20 minutes or beyond. Do you feel the strength of your muscles wearing down like a building that comes crumbling down to dust. It was the most strenuous of times.

Does one ever choose a life like this, for I always have been a very independent person, yet life threw such a curve, where this emotional and mental trauma along with physical pain made me fight two battles in solitude. The biggest downfall you can bring upon a person is when you shut their voice. I was numb creatively; as an artist, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what was this illness, that I had been battling, where people would not only "very casually", draw comparisons & through their words, make you feel small. You even become answerable and judged, just because you are too young to go through a pain like this, as though illness should only be associated with ones age. Would a human being ever choose to be bed-ridden and unable to do anything, I leave one to ponder upon.

Yes I've lived such days and months on end and that is when all these chase for ones name, achievements, power fades. You no longer chase things, You become a giver, because through the light of your soul, you take a lot of darkness of those around you, who are unable to fathom how difficult it is for you to take each step, and while you dance and smile through it all, their judgmental eyes try to rip off your soul.

But after these cold cold nights of eight years, Cocos coming was nothing short of a miracle. It was like my Silent Prayer for love had been answered and how. The Spirit that held me steady was slowly dwindling away as being an introvert, I became numb to all the anger, hatred, jealousy, hurt hurled my way, only because I was unable to do things that any "seemingly-normal" person could. The poems died and it was like a voice had been shunned.

That's when out of the blue on 6th January 2009, I received a phone call from Atul, saying his freinds- freinds family have got a few Labrador puppies and he's gonna go and see if he can get one. He was in Pune on an assignment.

He didn't give away much detail and quickly hung up on me, lest I may not give in. But little did he know about my silent promise to my guru. Atul had been pestering me for years to get a dog, knowing his erratic working hours and being a photojournalist he has to often travel across the world, wherever his story takes him. He knew how having a pet would help me tremendously and I was bent down upon, what if I'm unable to take care. My love for

animal kingdom was of a different kind, I had no first hand expereince as opposed to Atul who grew up with a dog. And to my awareness if I'd trace down my roots of ancestors, none of them grew up with animals of any kind. Yet! I was largely drawn to Jane Godalls work with the chimpanzee's and my love for Orangutans was quiet known among my close-knit freinds in college to whom I'd often share my eccentric plans about either being a forest officer or having a zoo.

Even upon reading Gerald Durells - My Family And Other Animals, which,

according to me is one of the finest

humorous, yet informative books, where as you leaf through each page, it's A Sunshine of life. So no matter all my crazy ideas, I wasn't yet ready to have a pet.

Yet! Among many a things in life. Pain teaches you to be open, for like most who presumptuously think that they are in command of life, and whatever they decide happens, well in my case it's just the opposite. I've learnt to flow with the river, for if one can't then the current is going to tumble and throw you so deep down, that you won't be able to keep your head over it. And secondly I had given a Silent Promise in my heart to my Guru- Shree Satya Sai Baba, that whenever the next time we'll come across a dog, I won't say No. Maybe in my naivety I thought I have nothing to be concerned for, as given my situation for another 2-3 years we can't even "Think of getting a dog!". I guess it was my Gurus deep love for me, that he made me give that promise to him, for he knew all along, that having such a beautiful companion is for my best and even by reinforcing the message, through one devotees example, that in the morning dog will take care and in the night God will take care. As dog spelled backwards is God.

Yet! Who knew only a week to that promise, Ill be waiting here, flowing with the current, not knowing where the river was taking me. That's when I received a second call, with Atul on the other end asking me, "there are 9 puppies, which one should I pick!!!" The tone of his voice far exceeded the three exclamation. Knowing me, Atul didn't leave me a choice this time around whether we should have a pet or not. I replied, "Go with your instincts". There were two from the lot, who were constantly climbing all over Atul and one amongst them was relentlessly bent. I'm sure the "Philosopher", in Coco was all pepped up, knowing exactly what he was in for. So as Atul chose him, or rather should I say, "He chose us!" That was the beginning of a new life for me.

Atul rolled him in the back seat of our car, nicely tucking him with some soft cloth as Coco to us is that unplanned baby, one of God's miracle that just happened. But a few meters down, there was a low frequency whimper followed by shrieks. So Atul put him on the front seat, next to him and as he started to drive, again after a few meters, the whimpering sounds were louder than ever. And they didn't stop till Atul kept his left hand below Cocos face and drove all the way from Pune to Mumbai with his right hand, alternating the wheel and changing gears.

Back home I was a mix bag of emotions, not knowing what to expect. I mean unlike human babies, where a period of nine months makes one ready to an idea of having a baby, here I was wondering what and how are things going to be....

After a journey of 150 kilometres around 11pm Atul arrived with this puppy. To me he seemed like a big puppy, plumpy, well-fed for a two month old, someone whom i was unable to lift. Those gollu-mollu types that can make anyone weak in their knees. He was named Novack after the famous tennis player, Novack Djovick. But as soon as I saw him, I called out to him "Coco!", As I would often tell Atul if we ever get a dog, he will be called Coco, because of my weakness for Chocolates.

And then my life leafed a new page and the entire gamut of emotions of having a baby in the house. As soon as Coco entered the home, he ran across from one corner of the house to the other, checking sniffing each spot. He was a fire-ball of energy and the only one amongst his siblings who was born with his feet out, rather than his head. Which of course describes "The Vagabond traits", of being curious enough to check everything. On the first night, there were whimpering sounds, followed by those feeble puppy barks, and the entire night Atul kept a vigil on him, once again keeping his hand on Cocos head and comforting & petting him.

The first three months Atul fed him, nurtured him, cleaned him, while I was an observer. And unlike most pet parents who would address their puppies with go to Mom or Dad, Coco always knew us as Ami & Atul ( Ami being my nickname). Coco got potty trained pretty soon, and since then he has never spoiled the house. He would diligently wait outside the bathroom door, as a sign for one of us to open the door for him, so that he could relive himself. And later on as he grew, he figured out on his own how to open the door inside as well as push it outside. This went on for nine months, till Coco, who is born with this inbuilt-chip of finding the perfect chosen bush in the park. While I've often seen other dogs don't have such discrimination, but Cocos ability to hold on is commendable.

Just like me, He never liked his photograph being taken, as the philosopher in him surfaces, who only loves to sit & observe life. Yet! Being a Labrador he has inherited such traits that writting an entire book too would be less.

If you've ever seen Marley & Me then you'd know the naughtiness and cuteness that these four legged ones are are wrapped with. The very next day, waking up as early as 6am, licking Atuls face, asking him to get up and feed him, as at his earlier home in Pune, they would feed the puppies 6 meals starting from 6 in the morning till 7in the evening. And though Atul came home with a chart, of what to feed and when, the very next day with Cocos 1st visit with the Vet, the entire meal plan was scrapped down to feeding him only two meals and remaining time giving buttermilk, as Labradors are prone to a lot of weight gain.

But this 6am routine went on for a month, where

relentlessly Coco tried to wake Atul, and he cajoled him to sleep a little, as I kept wondering where is this going to end. Which ofcourse it did with coco giving in and snoring rhythmically to Atuls notes, while I laughed that Atul did turn a good Pune boy into a Bombay one like him.

Those moment when he picked up garlic cloves from the kitchen rack and ran to the other end of the house so that I'd chase him and then ofcourse again rushing to the vet, as "Garlic, onion, salt, grapes and chocolates are a complete No! No, being poisonous for dogs!"

Then the very next day of his coming when Atul picked him up and asked me to pet him and he very gently took his face close to mine and gave me a kiss on my cheek. That was the very "First Kiss of life", that he breathed in me.

Since Coco was that unplanned baby, we had no toys prior to his coming, so on the second day itself, this mischievous one, grabbed one end of the cloth, which was used to swap around, while my maid Kamla held on to the other, ending into a tug of war sorts, leaving me screaming and yelling as to how to deal with such a ball of an energy. Dogs are very playful and they love playing tug-of war, and due to their child like energy they bring a lot of laughter in homes. They don't need toys, as for them taking your socks or scrunchies are toys in itself, to get your attention. I'm sure one fine day, Coco is going to open his own socks and scrunchies factory, as we often have one pair of sock, while the other is missing, hidden somewhere only to be found after a thorough search.

So, the very next day, I bought him a toy, a squeaky rubbery Green Octopus, which I was fascinated by, that we picked it along with a soft round blue velvet bed for him and when I placed it on the floor for Coco to play, he circled around it, barked on it, trying to show the Octy he's the alpha and then after two rounds picked it and started chewing on it. Our house echoed with countless squeaky toys, laughters & giggles & all sorts of instantaneously cooked up silly rhymes. Yes he made me a mother, but with him this little girl in me surfaces, who lives life on a heart-beat and is so full of joy. And my mother, who in Cocos eye is known as the "Gift Nani'' ( Nani is Hindi word for grandmom) the only Santa in his life, who whenever would visit us, Coco would authoritatively sneak her bags knowing she's brought something for him. Coco would love playing hide & seek with me, where I'd hide and he's search me, though over the years he knows all the places in our home, yet when he'd find me, and I would break into one of those loud laughter, upon which Atul would often address me as "A laughing witch", Coco's ears would be pulled back and he would be breathing hard and follow me wherever I'd go, so that I am unable to hoodwink him.

Those moments of sitting beneath the commode as the bathroom floor is much cooler and quietly observing Atul and me. Those moments where you've just stepped out of the wash-room and he'll be waiting for you as though aeons have passed and greet you as though you are the universe to him.

Those moments when he would not step on a single art paper of mine, yet accompany me by sitting near my feet while I would try to sketch something on an easel. And even when he picked up my coloured pencil- the ultramarine blue one, just to get my attention, again followed by a bout of gastric infection, as the blue colour is known to be poisonous, so once again rushing to the vet.

He changed my life, as there were things to do for him & those monthly vet checkups, which ofcourse to coco were a nightmare, for he had to take shots. If Coco could get away then he would only like to visit the vet, for sitting on the weighing scale to get his weight checked and leave. Once it so happened, as soon as we took him down from the car, the twitching of the nose was in full motion and sensing that we are about to visit the vet, he pulled out his collar, which for some reason was a bit loose and ran in the opposite direction of the vet, towards the main road of Shivaji Park signal, while Atul chased him and caught hold of him, and I couldn't even pace up with the energy that Coco had back then. But both Atul & I are grateful to our Vet Makrand Chavan for making us understand in the most simplest and practical way of nurturing a pet.

Since he was a puppy, conversations were centred around him and for a while people stopped asking me questions regarding my pain. It was such a breather from those days where I was constantly pinned down because of my illness. His very first bath, & seeing Atul feed him through a bottle, by locking him inbetween his legs, as Coco was known to be like his mother, who was a very picky eater, where on many days I've even fed Coco an entire bowl of buttermilk with the palm of my hand. My Mom often teases me, that destiny comes a full circle, as I always was a very skinny girl, known to be a skimpy eater and my mom would stack up on tonics as I was underweight, which I'd refuse to take.

And then the inevitable teething phase, where he has not left mine nor Atuls brother Parnil's arm, with whom he still shares a close bond. And the artworks born from the teething phase are still etched in the corners of our furniture. I still remember, my Freind Shenaz, who too got a Labrador and we became those so called "mama-friends", as Coco & Buddy shared such close bond. And Shenaz being a fairer one, her skin would turn pink with all the teething phase that Buddy was undergoing and we would exchange tips of how to get pass this phase. While I would often wonder, how on earth is Atul spared, I mean Cocos Not-Chewed-Him-Even-Once, which I can only conclude it to be "Some kind of A Conspiracy", that both Coco and Atul came up with enroute from Pune to Mumbai.

That picture is still so vivid in my minds eye, when for the first time Akash and Minal came to visit Coco, he was barely 3 months old. Till then Coco was this pampered naughty child, who could very adorably get away with everything. And on Minals command to sit, he nicely plonked his butt in complete obedience, which lit my face with a smile, that with just a simple voice command, one could get their attention. Minal is the founder of Animal Angels a non profit organisation that train's therapy dogs. She was the first one to introduce this concept of dog assisted healing in India. Therapy dogs are comfort dogs, there are various other avenues, such as service dog, guide dogs who are trained to help people one on one, facing a much different kind of a challenge. Therapy dogs work and help people going through some traumatic emotional and physical pain. After seeing Cocos temperament and passing the test in flying colours he was enrolled for the therapy training. Atul being a photojournalist had long back done a story on therapy dogs and that's how he knew Minal. Thus began Cocos training where Akash would visit us weekly and along with him we would train Coco. Therapy dogs are mostly someone's pets, where their families decide to volunteer to let their dogs be of service to the society.

Prior to Cocos coming, life was making me ready with various signs and being a voracious reader and having time on hands, I would often be driven to books of people who are battling some kind of pain and how do they surface against all odds.

That's when I had read this book The Angel By My Side by Mike Lingenfelter and David Frei. It touched me so deeply and so moving the experience of this person was, who had a heart problem and even before he would get another heart crises, his dog Dakota, would forewarn him with a sign to take his meds and rest till the storm passed. And how that dog went on to save many more lives. This book touched me deeply, though this concept is still new in India and one only has to experience their love to be able to understand what I'm talking about.

That's when my journey to learning not only basic doggy language but even how to train a therapy dog began. Therapy dogs are trained with zero aggression, unlike most dogs who are either trained with a choke chain or are whacked. Even due to their calm temperament they won't jump, won't bark and their friendly approach eases off the atmosphere. There were so many children's, in the park who would approach Coco and would be all over him, and Coco though being a puppy would be so calm, that the proud mother in me would gloat.

Though once it so happened that Coco was sitting on the couch on his favourite spot, which I guess he's inherited

from me as I too have my favourite sitting spots. And I asked him to step down. And this three month old was nicely ignoring my command. And every time I'd try to modulate my voice, and every time he'd look here and there, trying to avoid having an eye contact with me. Till then Atul was the alpha of the house and so other than following Atul, Coco was giving me those looks, "why should I heed you". Forty-five minutes passed to that scene and finally something in my voice triggered & Coco obeyed me. Yes! I put in that kind of patience, because somewhere I did want to train him, by giving him my best. And even being a shy person, Coco taught me voice command, he's made me a far stronger person than what I use to be on many a levels, because I've lived in such agonising pain. When Coco would be out in field for his therapy services, both Atul & I wanted to give our 100% and not simply do it to kill time.

I remember reading the book Tuesday's With Morrie, and being so shaken, yet so inspired by the spirit of it. Of how Mr Morrie would give himself only 5minutes in the entire day to cry and then live to the fullest. It's a book recorded

by one of his students about the conversation he had with Morrie, about life and things in general, while Mr Morris was slowly loosing all his faculties to walk and even speak.

There's so much one can learn from people who live in such antagonising pain, yet they smile. Maybe I put in this kind of an effort because I know what it is to live in pain. So unlike where most pet parents would whack or simply shove-off their pets if they don't oblige to their commands, I've given my time & energy to Coco as I believe your children's pick up a lot of your personality and traits. And I often get to listen, how calm and zen-like Coco is and even being next to me for close to 10 years now every single second, he not only understands pain, but knows how to help me through it.

Dogs usually live in packs and they have hierarchy, where the Alpha will walk on the right, followed on his left by the omegas. For a very long time Atul was the Alpha of the pack, but I guess now that Coco is much older, we all shift gears. When Atul is not around due to his assignments and travels then Coco automatically takes charge knowing I'm not keeping well and will be overprotective of me, not only by sleeping in Atuls place, but being alert & aware. On a couple of occasions, Cocos done something that's so unlike him, where I've seen him growl, once when a strange men was approaching us, and once when he felt someone suspiciously sitting on the stairs, just outside of my house corridor. Coco never barks, it's been more than eight years I've heard him bark and it was only in his puppy stage that he barked while playing. Though I can say I'm the the perpetual alpha as inspite of all my physical failings, being the care giver, making sure the home runs smoothly, both the boys have no choice but to listen. I guess a mothers role is so beautiful and women's in my eyes are much beautiful and stronger when they become a mother. To me, One does not become a mother simply because they give birth, one can be a mother to anyone if they are ready to selflessly give themselves to the other.

Yet that day is still fresh in my minds eye, when I took charge as an Alpha. As Coco was still in his intial puppy stage and Atul was on travel for 15 days in a row, and for some reason Coco didn't want to oblige to me, and in the spur of the moment I took my easel and stood there, with all my fury. I'm sure in that moment, in Cocos eyes I was no less than a "Kali Maa" ( an Indian goddess known to kill many a demons). And he hid himself beneath Atuls computer table, only to come out, knowing that the storm had passed and there is no third eye that shall consume him. Easel became a symbol to get Cocos attention, as it had on one or two occasions accidentally fell on him, when Coco would accompany me while I was working. So, if I ever had to correct Coco in his intial stage, not allowing him to get away, just speaking the word EASEL would be enough and I've unabashedly done so many a times.

And it was even during that time, when Coco refused to eat for a couple of days and was prone to acid reflux. Somewhere he was missing Atul, because that was the first ever long trip of 15 days, that Atul wasn't around since Cocos coming. So he was sitting on the couch, while I was sitting on the floor asking him. "What happened, you've got to eat, why are you sad, I'm there for you".....still no response....the eyes were looking distantly at the window, while only his ears were lend, to show the depth of his sadness. That's when I asked him, " O! It seems you don't need me, should I go....should I leave..." And then out of the blue, he kept his paw on my hand and looked deeply into my eyes, responding Don't!!!. That was the ice-breaker moment where Coco showed me, I was always with you, it's just that I was giving you the time to open up to me. From that moment onwards Coco & I, developed a much deeper bond and I can put my foot down and say, more than Atul, he's deeply connected to me and so am I to him. As once, a lady in my apartment who'd often see Coco & me walk, asked " Who is he more close to, Your husband or you" and without a blink, I responded, "he doesn't have a choice, he has to choose me over any given day".

Yet the most special moment in my life came during one of those challenging times, when Atul was on an assignment and my pain had shot so badly that it was flowing down my left leg and I was unable to walk. The reason why I've kept such intimate personal moments enclosed in my heart is because other than my beloved guru, Atul, mom and my school freind Jennifer, who's a Dietician and her various suggestions and tips in context to certain diet changes have helped me tremendously. For she not only understands my restrictions due to my illness of being unable to cook, but her practical ways have helped me through most tough times. So, other than these few handfuls, I wouldn't share much details about my detoiritaing health. Maybe because over the years I was made to feel so small on innumerable occasions for being unwell and even so because, when Atul was out on assignment I had to nevertheless be in charge atleast "seemingly", when I would step out to walk Coco or to plain run the house.

It took me 17 years to let go off my guard, because I know this no longer is my story of pain, but A Story Of Love! Coco brought lightness, discipline and happiness in our life, but what he's done for me, I'm indebted to him. There are such intimate personal moments which lately I've stared to share, even though over the years many people have gently nudged me....But I guess, I'm like that bottle of wine, that needs to ripen with age and have complexity of flavour and I believe everything happens in its "own perfect timing" When one has spent a lot of time in solitude, being bed-ridden staring at a ceiling fan, ones innate-zen-likeness surfaces and I've become more eased-out irrespective of the pain I live in.

Yet! Going back, that very moment I felt utter helplessness, that what am I to do. We had once tried leaving him with a dog-walker, but he would refuse to eat food, because nor was he walked around, but every single day, the dog walker would stand with Coco in one spot and kill the 30minutes time span and return him home. And once I was informed through one of my freinds daughter Tavishi who witnessed the incident, where Coco was handled roughly and whacked by the dog walker and animals who are mistreated can't speak for themselves, so they either become very aggressive or go into a shell. But, Knowing Coco' who has zero aggression, and would even go and give kisses to a robber, I had to speak up and stand up for him. In standing up for Coco, I've learnt to stand up for myself too.

Hence I've never left him with any dog walker since, except recently when I was down with dengue, hospitalised for a week and for four months I couldn't walk, nor speak as I would get breathless. So, other than this difficult time, be it rain or shine, in these 17 years, I've always walked with Coco.

Yet, during this time when I couldn't walk, helplessness took over me and I couldn't contain it within as my eyes became teary. What I expereinced next was so out of this world. Coco sat in front of me and he put his paw on me and looked right into my eyes. Seeing him, I contained the sea of emotions swimming within my eyes ready to pour out. But as I could sense he was feeling sad seeing me like that, I withheld. He kept looking into my eyes, while I kept reassuring him, "Coco, I'm fine, I'm not crying", but no amount of assurance on my part deterred away his focus from me. Now when I think back, I no longer can contain my emotions, where usually dogs have to be bribed with treats to have one on one eye contact for obedience training, and here he was, empathising, being one with me for 45 minutes straight, only to let go when he felt I'm fine. This happened when Coco was barely five months or so.

He changed me completely in that instance, the 45 minutes that I gave him, while training him to step down from the couch are nothing in comparison to what he did for me. He opened my heart which was so numb by the epithets heaped upon me, because of my illness. And I've realised no matter how much pain I'm in, when I walk with Coco, holding his leash is nothing short of grasping onto the reins of life and it makes me bounce back from pain episodes much faster than those eight years when he wasn't around.

Love is contained within the silence of these Pure Hearts, that flows like a river Galillee, for in its way of flowing and giving it nurtures life rather than keeping it all for itself like the Dead Sea.

Where humans are here to achieve, to make ends meet, to even fall down from the ladder of being humane, animals and nature by and large are here to balance out the pain of isolation that universe breathes. Oh! If only we could borrow the eyes of such Pure Souls, maybe most wars, discrimination against each other and illnesses could vanish.

That's what Coco has done even in his various therapy sessions, he was barely six months old, when we had a session with 80 mentally and physically challenged children's. There was excitement, such buzz of life, when you look through Cocos eyes, they are all equal, there's no sympathy, no judgements, not even an air of sadness, there's only "Pure Love". The children's were all over him, some of them even pulling his tail, his ears and clapping and jumping with such innocence and contagious energy, that everyone there had a smile on their lips, while Coco gave them the space to be themselves. Can we love another Soul in whichever body they may be dressed in, the way these Pure Souls love. There's no need to feel sorry for someone, because believe me, whichever soul comes down in whichever form, wants only that their life is validated and celeberated. It's our human eyes that sees the difference due to our myopic vision, through eyes of Love, there is only One.

Even his next therapy session at a remand home for juvenile kids, has left its etchings on both Atul and my heart. It was an intense six months sessions, divided between two therapy dogs, and one of them being Coco. The intial segment was always playing games with Coco, throwing ball from one end of the room to the other. While Coco would chase, only to be accompanied by raptures of joy and peals of laughter. "Coco, over here, see I have the ball, come and get", followed by loud cheer if they could doge the ball away from him and even when Coco outsmarted them. Coco with his sheer presence was making the atmosphere so light. And later the sessions were followed by Coco sitting in the centre, surrounded by children's, who've in their moment of weakness succumbed their hearts to their ignorant minds. The child psychologist who had been working with these children's for a very long time, couldn't get them to open up and share their stories. As its part of their therapy to heal before they are sent back to be re-joined with their families. So that they do not mistakenly tread that path again. But when they were introduced to Therapy Dogs & to Coco, the sessions took about a 360% turn. They would share every thing beneath the sun of the mistakes they did, that landed them in this place in their life. And how they missed their mothers, whom they were only allowed to meet at a restricted time. And once it so happened, a teenager boy was sharing his story of some crime he had done, as all of us were quietly and intently listening, Coco got up and went near him and kissed him on his cheek. That boy had tears streaming down his eyes, Coco changed something in him, as he hugged Coco and one could see the Transformation Of Pure Love. I Believe in the end whatever weak moment we as humans have succumbed to, all we need is to be loved & forgiven. For Coco it was the tone in his voice that made him give love, dogs unlike humans do not judge, where we as humans would be fixated on stories, Coco could listen to those feelings which were unsaid, feelings of guilt or remorse, that made him spontaneously go to that boy to tell him, that no matter what he is loved!. Dogs know nothing about these manipulative mind games. They no matter what only flow as the Sea Of Gallilee so that no soul carries the burden of a Dead Sea within.

Yes! Love shall always give you a second chance. And that's what Coco has done. Even when the sessions got over by the end of the six month, there was not a single eye that was dry, it was like a spring of joy ignited these young hearts and they no longer could contain their feelings. Some of them silently hugged Coco, whispering something in his ears, while some of them cheering his name and most of them giving a promise, that "Coco now that you are our Freind, we shall not walk back on that path ever again. We shall do everything to make our family proud. Coco, don't leave us, don't go, Oh! How will we continue like this without you!" And after the last football session, that they were allowed to play in the open playground, they all chased the car till the gate, unanimously calling out "Coco! Coco! We love you!". Reminiscing back, their voices still echoes in my heart, leaving me with goosebumps and a smile. There was not even a single child, who was numb, Coco had touched each heart and opened it up, with his Love, so that they would be able to not only be back with their families, but have the courage to be in the society.

Can humans love like this, can we forgive in our hearts the worst of crimes, I know that law should take its own course, but are we able or even capable to love like this in such a way, that our love would transform minds that are seeped in darkness. Is a child ever born and brought up such to grow up to be a criminal. It's our conditioning and constrained way of looking at life that creates such darkness. Oh! If we could all love like the love of these dogs maybe the crime rate too would go down and instead of jails, we would have places of love. I know many would call me an idealist and a girl brought up with books of fantasy and fairy tales. But what if our love truly is the only miraculous magic-wand needed to heal all pain from this world.

Later on Coco even went on to do other sessions of book reading at crossword, where children's would read books to coco, so as boast their confidence because dogs are non-judgmental, even if the children's would err at pronunciation or just because they are those "shell-fish" types, that need to open up and have confidence and courage of public speaking, as dogs are all ears flowing with unconditional love.

I'm sure many children's would have secretly wished under their breath, "Oh! Only if Coco would take the book

and run and rip it off". Yet! We are both thankful and humbled to be associated with Animals Angels. Though Knowing Indian society at large is still very reserved to the idea of introducing a therapy dog, because for most "Dogs", are synonymous to "biting".

One Of The Brave Hearts

On one hand it was such a proud moment when amongst six therapy dogs in Mumbai, Coco was one of them who was honoured by a Gold medal, as Brave Hearts, by the Mumbai Veterinary College for his services, along with various other service dogs, be it in police, army, navy, all with their handlers, totalling to more than a 100 dogs who were honoured that day.

Atul, his brother Parnil, and , along with Akash were there and when the therapy dogs were invited on stage it was such a light and joyful moment. Because more than the gold medal, each and every one of them wanted to sniff out the goody bags of treat. A shy person like me, who would otherwise refrain from being centre stage, yet there I was a proud mother, so happy to have experienced such an event. The army and police dogs were so well trained that they even showed their various training skills that was met with loud cheer. Unitedly we all felt so proud of the services these dogs have rendered to the society to not only heal from within, but to even protect our borders; where these dogs have given up their life's for our country. The exchanges of respect and love for these beautiful four legged ones were mutual. And yet on the other hand, when I'm often asked the most amusing question by non-dog-lovers, "Oh! Does he bite?", I simply state "Do you want him to".

With Coco the conversations were always light. But slowly my health was further detoriating. Where in the earlier stage we've taken Coco to Pavna lake for a swim, though nor did Atul, nor Parnil or I knew anything about

swimming. Labradors are known for their abilities to swim as its innate in their genes. They can swim at a speed of more than 5 km per hour and their webbed feet act as a fin. Yet! Knowing Coco, who would test all waters before embarking on new grounds, or should I say water over here, he dipped his paw, swam in the shallow end and quickly paddled back. It was only after much encouragement from us, that he went to the deep end. Since puppy stage Coco always had this instincts of taking good care of himself. Till he was three month old pup, Atul would carry him everywhere and even in the car he would sit on Atuls lap, while he would drive. So after a few laps in the shallow end, Coco paddled his way in the deep, but only after we tied a 20 foot long camping rope to his harness, so that we, "the non-swimmers", could ironically feel some sort of command, by not allowing Coco to swim farther in the deep and rivet him back by our gentle tuck of the rope, as we stood on the banks, cheering him. I guess once you are a mother the invisible umbilical cord of love is always there tied to your loved ones. Yes! I'm a strong mother, but I'm those types who is very much connected to their little ones, and he has always accompanied us wherever we went.

But slowly a phase came, where since last seven years, both Coco and I are very much home-bound, dependant on Atul to take us out, when we need to run errands as I no longer can drive long; by long I mean beyond 20 minutes span. And even given the every increasing traffic conditions my pain runs down the left feet and using clutch becomes a very difficult task. But not only can I drive long, but we can't even travel long distance, even if Atul is driving as I need to lay down in sleeping position as my muscles give away and the pain triggers such that leaves me unable to to walk.

There have been many other session of therapies that Animal Angels have conducted, but due to my illness we could no longer be of service and mutually we felt, it's better Coco should be with me more than anything due to my travelling restrictions. Atul and I have always been a part of all therapy sessions with Coco, but now Cocos therapy is all for me.

Over the period Coco's bond with me through my pain has gone deeper, like the roots of the banyan tree that grow far and wide. And without its roots the tree simply shall fall off the ground. Coco has developed such understanding of pain, that he simply looks into my eyes and knows, what state I'm in. Where initially he has made Atul walk slow to pace up with me in the park, to not wanting to leave my side, even though I was unable to take him down to relieve him way pass his evening walk time. And then Atul would have to rush home and take him down, yet he would be standing on his hind-legs, peeping through the grill of the door overlooking me, as I lay on the couch, leaving no choice for Atul, who would have to pull him towards the elevator.

And even those times when before I would experience another trigger of pain that would leave me bedridden, He would start licking my left feet, for forty minutes or more. He would grasp my feet in his paws and alternately lick and attimes even use gentle pressure from his teeth to relieve pain. You don't need to tell him it's the left foot and not the right, he just knows! Twice his licking my feet led to my health going down such that I was unable to walk and I was bedridden. That's when Atul made me aware that, this was Cocos way of alerting, forewarning me to slow down' so that I don't end up in bed and since then my bedridden episodes have become less.

Just to throw some light regarding my health, two years before Cocos coming in my life, one of the test done on a machine called the David Back Concept, revealed to me the problem. Till then we were looking at the puzzle upside down. For eight year we've taken innumerable MRIs every two years and hundreds of other test. Till date there was only one doctor Shekhar Bhojraj, one of the best neurosurgeon, who told me, there are 4% of pain cases that are very difficult to diagnose. He was the only one who didn't put me down and even recommended my case to Dr Anjana, a physiotherapist, who asked me do this test. These machines had flown done from Germany and the patient are asked to sit on these heavy duty machines, which are connected to the laptop to take recordings. While the machine are locked at certain angels and the patient are asked to move the machine against it. The amount of strength is gaged based on how far one has been able to move the machine. And that's when I was told that the left side of my body is 90% weak than my right side. The muscles and tissues were damaged to that extent and Dr Anjana was shocked, saying at this stage anyone in my place would drop down and be bedridden for life. She couldn't fathom my smiling face, when I replied, it's my Faith in my Guru that has saved me through it all. They wanted to start my therapy immediately, where I was asked to do the sessions twice a week. But my body couldn't cope through the exercise regime on the machine and I would often collapse. Atul would have to leave his work and take me home. Seeing this the doctors decided, that I should increase my endurance level by walking for a continuous 30minutes, both morning and evening for a month and then rejoin. I've not yet been able to achieve that mark, till date. As a last resort I even tried my hands on Pain Management, where under anaesthesia I was given Botox injection in my back muscles, at those various trigger points. Due to my muscles tightness the needle would bent and the doctor had to pull it out. After a few days of rest followed by the therapy that lasted only a month, where two inch long needles, were pushed right into the deepest tissue all over my back. Unlike acupuncture which is surfacial, these needles have to be inserted right within the lower most tissue and to be kept there for a good 30-40minutes. But somehow, those Botox shots didn't help as they should have and my muscles were unable to take the pain inspite of given nicotine patch. I was shown door to a psychiatric when doing another MRI too showed all normal results. Even the person at the diagnostic clinic was shocked with all normal test results, when he could see me unable to walk without assistance, where a distance of 8-10 steps, could only be covered in a span of 25-30 minutes. And he requested Atul to redo the scans in a different way, just so that something would be revealed to help the doctors heal me. Yet! My reports came normal. Even the psychiatric wrote a positive report as back then I had so many dreams to work on and wasn't in the low phase called depression. The doctor was scared and asked me to join yoga as a last resort, but they too couldn't help, as due to the history of my weak and fatigued muscles by the 5th day I was in such delibilating pain that I was unable to walk out of the yoga class. And they too suggested I take a break. Later I tried manual therapy where through hand pressure that female doctor would ease off the tightness and stiffness of muscles, but after two days, those same muscles would revolt back, by becoming rock like. Due to my muscle history, by the second day of any therapy, I would be unable to walk, so after a weeks of pain meds and rest, when again I would resume physiotherapy, only to go through the same cycle, the doctors themselves would say they can no longer help me.

Coco came at that point in my life, where all doctors had given up on me and nothing was working. He didn't need an MRI or any test to understand, but he knew. Dogs can sense angina, a form of heart weakness that can trigger attacks, they can sense cancer even prior to the first stage, they can sense your stress level and many other forms of illnesses. And there are many researches done abroad where dogs are an integral part for human healing as they can detect chemical imbalance in your body. Just by petting a dog, our bodies release good feeling hormones that not only reduce stress level but are known to lower heart rate and blood-pressure in humans, yet many a times I've come across such ignorant people, who keep their children's away, not allowing them to even pet dogs, inducing fear in them that by letting their children's pet, they will pick up infections. I remember the time, when my Dad had just come out of an heart surgery and when we went to visit him, Coco kept kissing my dads face, sensing the stress he had undergone. And even once when I was in the park with him, he pulled me towards a lady on wheel chair and started licking one side of her body and when I enquired about her, they said she is paralysed on that part of the body that Coco was licking. Coco can know which part of ones body is in pain or even non-functional, hence our friends even jokingly call him "Doctor Coco".

Coco has walked with me in such pain, where the pain is no longer restricted in my back muscles, but it would

trigger such tender painful spots on my scalp that would leave me breathless and unable to speak. Those days would be the most unbearable as though a needle is being pricked right in the left side of my scalp and the energy would drain out from my body such that I would feel I might pass out. Mostly Atul has been around when such episodes have triggered, where I'm completely nonfunctional and he has had to single handedly take care of me and the house. By contstantly rubbing my feet and head. I would become thirsty and nothing would register. Atul has even tended me for months as when life grips you with challenges, they pour from all directions. And I've often marked during these challenging times the maids disappear so Atul would take charge and cook and do things.

But, During one such trigger episode Atul wasn't there, he was out on assignment. To keep the house running, we had no choice, he had to leave me even in times, when life would be flowing against the tide, but since Cocos coming somewhere he's taken the load off him too, as Atul knows Coco is always with me. I was in my worst days, due to pain trigger and I had to take Coco down to relive him. Due to high inflammation, I would drive the two minutes distance from my apartment to the park without using my left foot on clutch, which would make the car jump. I would only use the clutch to change gears, with half pressure as there was no strength in my left leg. This park though being a public park is adjoining the colony where we live, is more over frequented by residents, except on weekends. During one such trigger episode, Coco was so calm and he didn't pull me at all, he had no urge to let his nose rule, as Labradors are sniffers and they walk by their nose. I often tell Atul, my left arm is stronger than my right as Coco usually goes around with his nose, but this time around I didn't even have to tell him. He just knew, I was barely taking a few steps and would be so fatigued that I would stand in one place, and he would patiently stand besides me & give me all the time I needed. He has even cried making those whimpering sounds, for he knew the sheer pain I was in. My Guru has been my only succour and strength on such days. I would sit in one corner and ask him to go around and relive himself. But he wouldn't leave my side. He could even forsake natures call, because he chose to be with me.

In the park no one knew the battle both Coco & I were going through on days on end.

I would carry a bottle of tang or some drink to give me strength and help me boost my energy. We would walk a few steps then sit on the bench. I always made it a point to dress my best' so that no one would have an intimation of what I was going through, because if Atul would be travelling for weeks I had to be in charge. And maybe it's a blessing of my Guru that I don't come across physically as someone who has gone thorough such acid test, because I know how difficult it is, if people know you are alone and in such vulnerable condition. Earlier I would take Coco and go to my moms place, but in my acute pain I wasn't fit to handle the pack of dogs who would circle us there as Coco was a new dog in their territory. So I would refrain going to my moms place as stray dogs here know Coco so I didn't have to deal with added stress. And even when Pain becomes a part of life, you just accept and go with the flow.

I've given my best to take care of my duties, but during such challenging times, when Atul would not be around and I had to get up and take charge, and on many occasions I've seen, the maids too would either leave even without giving any prior notice and you just have to keep going. Cocos love has made me much more independent then what I use to be. The word independent is so callously used around, where people think, it's about being able to do or live life on their own terms. But, Believe me it's all about being In-Dependent, especially when nothing is working for you, not even your body and still you have the strength of spirit to held you steadfast in those challenging times.

Yet there are two incidents that I'm about to share, that shall show the Golden hearts that these Angels carry. After Cocos coming, my therapy became his love and constant support, I stopped going to doctors and though the episodes of being bedridden decreased, but my health was still taking a downward route.

Due to years of living in such pain, my body was subjected to a lot of hormonal imbalance. And that's when in a random blood test done to see, why does the pain make me pass out, I came to know I have autoimmune disease as my ANA was positive and the hormonal changes were due to thyroid imbalance. The doctor who recommended the test felt, that thyroid imbalance was the reason of my muscle pain and I mentioned it can't be, because I was going through the muscle fatigue earlier too, when my thyroid test were normal. The thyroid medication too didn't suit me as I had an averse side-effects and had to discontinue just after taking two doze. As there was a sharp pain in my eyes and I would get so lightheaded, that I would be unable to do anything. I would not take any such meds that would interfere with my ability to do my duties, as Atul would be on move and I had to no matter what see that life flows. With my faith I simply surrenderd to my guru, telling him, "Let Thy Will Be!".

Yet! Once when we were returning home after a doctors visit, regarding certain hormonal imbalance my body was undergoing, due to hypothyroid, Atul couldn't get himself out from an office meeting, and so he dropped both me and Coco half way home in a cab. He sat us and had to rush. For many days my body was in a lot of stress. And it couldn't cope up and I blacked-out, followed by loosing the senses to even hear. I quickly tried searching for my cell phone in my handbag, to call Atul and let him know. But couldn't and I thought maybe I may have accidently dropped my cell phone in our car before Atul got us to sit in a cab. Coco could sense something was wrong, he started breathing hard, panting and was concerned. A few meters down, I regained a little vision though it was all blur. Metamorphically like how a television set first looses picture followed by that sound when audio too is gone, in the same way my ears lost the ability to hear. I knew it was impossible for me to reach home, nor could I get down of the cab to call Atul from some public phone, because I was unable to see or hear. So I quickly took a decision to stop over at my inlaws place as they are half way from my home and asked the cab driver to take a u-turn. I just kept praying under my breath and was holding on to Coco. Praying that I should not miss the signal for the next turn. Again for a breif second I was able to see, though very blur. So I instructed the cab driver to take the second turn from the signal, and I blacked-out. I knew I was to take the second left turn to reach Atuls parents home, so even though I couldn't see, I informed the driver in advance, while constantly praying under my breath, that as we near the house, please let me be able to see, till I reach the home. Very briefly I regained sight and quickly handed the money to the cab driver, didn't even wait for the change, took coco and just ran towards Atuls Parents house. I could feel my leg wobbly, having no strength at all. I just didn't want to pass out in the middle of nowhere. At such times it's my faith and my Gurus blessings alone that helped me. As soon as I reached his home, I collapsed. Coco didn't leave my side. My inlaws were shocked, they immediately called Atul. There was sharp tingling in my hands and feet, that were icy-cold and no amount of rubbing on the part of auks mom helped. I lay on the floor, while Coco was so close to me, not allowing anyone to come near me. I could see the walls moving, where the line between the ceiling and walls blurred. While Cocos breathing became hard, showing concern. I've often seen, if ever I go down, Coco won't allow anyone near me, though if he's unwell, he wants to be comforted by Atul. He kept panting hard followed by intermittent whimpering cries, sniffing my face, checking if I'm breathing. Coco was so concerned that day, that no amount of calming on the part of my inlaws helped, he only settled, once Atul was home. Later on my parents too came over. My mom has stayed back and helped whenever my condition would be sensitive. But she had to divide herself as my dad too has been fighting his own physical battle for years.

Hence, I've learnt to lean more on my Guru and he has given me the strength to do things even during the worst phase of my life. If not for the grace of my beloved guru I wouldn't be cured of hypothyroid which I was battling for more than a couple of years, unaware, but was the reason of my sudden weight gain. As just before another thyroid test that I was to do, Shirdi baba come in my dream and handed me a rose and since then I've had no thyroid problem to deal with, where people have to be on medication for a lifetime. Even once it so happened, my pain had shot up pretty bad and I felt I can't anymore go on like this. I told Atul, let's go to Shirdi, but he knew I wouldn't have been able to do the car journey. I told him I have a feeling, if ill go there I'll be healed. But Atul knew, I was in my lowest of phase. There are many miracles that have happened in my life, but one such miracle of faith happened just when I needed it the most. As on that very moment out of nowhere, a parrot came on my window sill. It hopped a few steps and came inside. It was sitting on the Parapet overlooking our window. And then it very gently flew down on the floor and was there. It was more than two hour the parrot gave us company. It was not even scared of Coco. And Coco being the gentle one, went near it, took its nose near the parrot to sniff and check. We even fed the parrot some chillies and water. Atul & coco were laying on the floor, the parrot went besides them and sat and then it trotted towards me. I knew in my heart, that parrot was none, but Shirdi baba came to give me strength and hope to pass that time. Because it's known, Shirdi baba would often tell his devotees to never mistreat the animals because he is in all creatures and would often take devotees offerings in the form of a dog. Shirdi baba too had a pet parrot. It was so beautiful the way Coco and that parrot not only shared the space but gave me the strength to not give in. And it was a Thursday and I was listening to radio Sai live, when out of nowhere the bhajan being played was on Shirdi baba. I believe these signs of love & hope have helped me through my most challenging times.

Over the years my bond with Coco has grown so strong that when the painful spots on my head trigger, Coco puts his head on my chest and comforts me. When I'm struggling to breathe, his warmth-ness helps me to pass the storm. During such times of unbearable pain, tears trickle down my eyes, automatically as my body can't cope through the pain and seeing me like this, Coco actually cries along with me, he knows how difficult it is for me to breathe. So he cries to stop me from crying. How Coco has grown, from that moment, where he kept looking in my eyes for 45 minutes straight to make sure that I don't cry, to now when he cries along, so that I would stop crying, as he knows his crying is the only way to make me stop.

Unlike most service dogs, Coco is not trained for any of these things, he has just developed an understanding to comfort me through my pain.

Their love for you is such that they give you a complete 100% focus. For them other than your wellbeing nothing is important.

Coco & I have braved many a storms, along with my Guru being a witness. What I'm about to share right now is something that no words can describe the agony I felt. This was a time in my life, when I felt I just can't go on like this. I had a melt-down and I just couldn't stop crying. Coco was with me through the darkness and heaviness of it all. Atul was suppose to come home that night after a two days assignment. I was in my lowest of lows. I didn't even give food to Coco, nor did I eat myself, the afternoon time too passed without offering him any buttermilk or a single morsel of food and seeing me like that, nor was Coco asking me for any meals, as for him my wellbeing was the only thing in his heart. He kept loving me, licking me, trying to comfort me to show, how much he loves me. But, I felt I can't anymore go on like this.

I still feel a lump in my throat and choke thinking of that dark time. Coco bore all the pain and darkness of my soul on him, for I just couldn't go pass the weight I felt in my heart. I couldn't cope with the emotional abuse of constantly being made to feel so small because of my illness along with the physical pain that I was going through, where every time you have to start from zero, be it walking, cooking or because I was unable to do things even as an artist. Depression can only be a word to describe ones mental state, but the emotional agony cannot be fathomed by anyone who knows not, what it is to keep going on like this. That's the reason why, when people who live a normal day to day life, try to judge or be indifferent to those in pain, all I tell them is, you don't know nor understand what that person is going through, because nobody would choose to live a life like that. It's okay if people can't help, but don't hurt them atleast, by your judgement or indifference.

Coco has seen me being so vulnerable, in complete nakedness of my soul, where he has felt the intensity of my silent cry. He has cried with me, he took that weight of indescribable pain that day on him. How humans have not been able to understand my pain and here he was, taking in all of my darkness. All I can say is, if Coco wouldn't have been besides me, I wouldn't have gone pass that moment in my life to be able to write and share this story of love. My Guru too responded by blessing one of my painting with Vibhuti, as a sign to give me hope. To not loose heart. Hope and Love at such tumultuous times in your life are the two wings that help a bird fly when the storm is dark and the twig that it is perched on will break at any given time. In such times Faith, Surrender and Hope become your wings to make you fly.

Love ways are simple, they can listen to the cries of your heart, your agony become theirs, your pain pricks their soul. Just like how when a thorn pricks your feet and automatically your hand reaches out to remove it, even without a second thought. Love ways are this simple. Your PAIN is no longer yours, it becomes theirs. I feel Coco & I are one body, one soul after that incident, so much so that there is no need for one to even empathise. Both Coco and my Guru have given me hope, as they say never say to a dying person, you are about to die. Give them hope to the very last second. My Guru has given me hope in such times. It's not that I'm in his physical presence, yet he knows all, just like Coco.

There's not been a single day of my life where I've lived without pain, and only lately did I come to know that this illness that I have been battling over the years is not a mere back-pain. It is an autoimmune disorder that is wearing my muscles and nervous system and has weakened even my immune-system that describes why I have been sick all through. Not just bearing muscle weakness, but not even a single day in these 17 years have gone without some ailment due to weakened immunity. It's only much later that I connected the dots, as I even lost a dear cousin sister of mine to this autoimmune disorder. She too was hail & hearty and out of the blue in her mere 20s after battling for a year and a half' she passed away.

It's true I'm A Living Miracle of Love & faith. It's true I would have otherwise lived a life of being bedridden for life, if not for the blessings of my guru. Its true I wouldn't have made it pass that dark moment in my life, to be here sharing my story with you all, if not for Coco, as he keeps me going on.

I even had my first exhibition at Kala Ghoda art fair in 2011 and in the next consecutive year too. Just two years into Cocos coming in my life, I started expressing myself as an artist and the poems that were long gone have become my voice.

The exhibition was an autobiographical stance of the epithets heaped upon me. It was a tape-cast of my body, done with the help of Atul, which signified the life we lived, where Atul had to bear more weight to keep life going, while when he was tape casting my face, that mummified feeling of being nameless, faceless, a warped identity due to pain, that I carried in my bones, speaks volumes. I kept the installation as an interactive art, leaving the choice with the viewer, to either let out their emotion to hurt someone, by pricking a needle in the installation. Where needles were a metaphor to use words as weapons to slander, defame, interrogate, judge a life. And if given the choice would they want to let out these emotions within them of hatred, anger, jealousy by pricking a needle into the installation. Coco accompanied me for all 9 days, though we would be there, only for a couple of hours in the evening. He stealed my show, as people would take selfies with him and I'm ever so proud of him, for I only could muster courage to be a part of this exhibition because of Coco. There was even a family, who were so moved by my work and Cocos ability to help me through my pain that for all 9 days they got boiled sweet potatoes for Coco as back then Coco loved eating those.

At the end of the 11th day of the festival there were 11000 needles poked into the installation art.

The words that I penned along with the tape-cast were,

I'll Poke you, because it's fun!

I'll Poke you, to make you numb!

I'll Poke you to make you fit into my beliefs,

And Poke & Poke until you're just like me.

I know, if dogs were given a choice to harm, to prick needles as an act to hurt, they wouldn't, not until they were bred and fed on aggression. Yes dogs are territorial, but even a stray dog will show gratefulness when fed even once. I know for sure, without Cocos love I would have not made it through all the turmoils of my life or even be standing here. There have been so many unsaid experiences and feelings that no words or ink can describe the Gratitude I have for having Expereinced the love from such a beautiful soul like Coco. I believe he is my Spirit-Guide, come down to help me and many other souls simply by his love. And frankly speaking I would want to be indebted to him forever so that he is always with me.

At present he inspres me for my daily h2h blog of art and poems, which I even share on Instagram, as an act of gratefulness to both him and my guru.

I Believe words have immense power to either heal and lift an individual or crush them. Dogs do not need a language of words, for theirs are h2h. Their language is only of love. Love alone heals and emanates light through the darkest of hours.

Coco has given me a second chance to life. He's made me far more loving, independent, confident, courageous to voice out myself inspite of all my failings. Often I've been asked, but how can Cocos presence help, " I mean he's not going to cook meals or run errands". No! Some souls come down to show others the way back to Love. Maybe Coco before coming into my life, was seeing through the clouds above, that through my love, I shall heal this one life, who's in most need of it.

When I was walking home from that yoga class unable to take the next step in deep excruciating pain, asked by others, are you alone, do you need help... I replied No, for I know my guru walks with me, but now I can say this, since Cocos coming in my life, I shall never walk alone! Loves way are simple. A smile! A hug! A validation that others life is cherished, not because in this big picture that persons worth is based on his work or achievements, but because that persons life is so valued or cherished, because if they didn't walk on earth soil, the heart-beat of this universe would perish.

For Coco, I'm that heart-beat of this Universe, and so is he for me.

If this story of love has made you aware of the struggles that people who live in pain for years go through, yet their spirits shed such light, if it has made you aware that loving someone is very simple, just see and love like Coco or any four legged ones do, and if the next time, you come around Coco, don't ask, "does he bite?", just let Coco do his magic to heal you with his love. Just be open, for in this evolutionary ladder, more than humans, animals are far more evolved when it comes to "Love!".

I still don't know what is the name of this autoimmune disease that has so drastically changed my life, but I'm much calmer since Coco by my side, I know my Guru, nor Coco will ever fail me. And all I can say is that, now that I have Coco by my side, I will never walk alone. Both Atul & I know and count our blessings since Coco came into our lives, for he is our strength and shown us the power of love and hope.

Coco, you truly make my dying stars blink!