The Story Behind 3Poem's & A Painting!

How beautiful is our Lord, he himself gifts us this wait & then he himself weaves words that our hearts in silence prays. Have you held a prayer so sweet, that you kept it pure & silent within. Held it tenderly unto thy lips such that in & out of thy breath too couldn't dissolve it & with each passing day & moment that prayer intensified. None but you & your Beloved Lord knew the music of this unsung song that kept you going on through the dark nights. At a tender age of 13, I prayed to God I wish to serve thee. Through art, through words. I wasn't aware of Swami then, but my love for him went way back, through many a lifetimes.

Swami came to me through poems, once he inspired me with these words- Poets are Gods Silence that break into rhymes! I knew very early on that some higher force wrote poems through me for I was a shy child lacking confidence to voice out. I just carried this one wish, "God I wish to serve you"

Physically now I'm in my 40s & much has transpired through my life. The greatest turn was my physical downfall, back in 2001, that turned my life 360degree. I've been bedridden for months, with my illness progressing over the years. Swami has said this to me through a message, that my life is hanging on a thin thread & that thread is in his hands. It's some sort of an autoimmune disease, where I don't know if next moment I'll even be able to walk or not.

Yes! Swamis Grace did bless me to work on a few painting projects, but deep down there was always this intense pain, that I couldn't serve him the way I would have liked to

That's when this !st poem was given on the 28th July 2019

I've prayed for so long.....

My Beloved.......

That I've verily become that prayer!

That hope! That desire!

That song that I carried for long....

That has wafted in thin air...

There's no longer that i...

That child....for now that essence that was me....that I wished to offer thee...has become thy breath!

Is this what is called Surrender!

For now I'm lighter than air!

For that 'me', that I carried long...

is no longer left!

Now I'm just A Prayer!

That sits upon Gods lips.....

As Silence...that he may enfold...

As A Song through his breath'

As an offering unto himself!

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Though it was only by 1st August I could start painting cause once again for no reason the nerves in my hands gave away. Basically my entire nervous system & muscles are damaged. Swami had even let me know, that physically I'm in 40s, but from within this body is like that of an 80 year old whose entire body is collapsing. So I was unable to use my right hand. What I had thought was a simple back pain, has progressed through the entire body with this nervous system & muscles weakness. The dichotomy is that visibly i come across as someone as hail & hearty but I live in a time frame box, where beyond certain minutes I can't continue any activity. Be it walking or simple act of sitting & lately even talking when the nervous system affects spots on my scalp such that breathing becomes a chore & for days I have no energy left to even talk.

The reason for sharing all this is for you to understand why did Swami give me the second poem. This poem is of the unseen pain that I bore along with the downfall of my health. Where I was judged, spoken down, made to feel small. Where words, action & even silence were used to tear me apart. It made me wonder what makes one loose it's humanity.

Basically my physical downfall gave way for those who carried some deep pain & anger within them, that for no reason would be lashed out on me, just cause I didn't fit into the normal societal mode, unable to do things normally.

For I know, you will never hurt another, until there's something deep hurting inside of you.

These were the darkest times of my life, where I got numb. After eight years of this darkness, Swami sent an angel in the form of Coco, my 10 year old Labrador retriever, my son to help me through these times. Art & poems which had died, in years before Coco came once again blossomed. He opened my heart which was numb & if not for him, I would have probably given up on my life.

So while the painting was in process, through many layers of charcoal that took expressions as darkness surrounding the child in the painting, where the child symbolises that purest form of desire that "Swami I wish to serve you."

I've now reached a stage of surrender of this desire to Swami. Where that desire has transformed into Butterflies & now it's become a prayer that's silently sits on Swamis lips

While painting, I told him "Swami, I've not been able to serve you. Due to this illness, due to this dark pain that surrounded me for years, have I failed...with tears swimming my eyes, choking my throat, unable to flow

And that's when on the 4th August 2019, second poem was given

My Child you are That

Even you know!

See how your heart has blossomed as Love!

In that very transformation

Thou have served!

As a smile in every fold of thy heart petal; I reside!

For now my breath has become thy word!

See My Beloved, through this journey of ours...We Create Art such!

That Pains of my children's dissolve

To whom I give pain...

Are most dear to me....

For this pain is not of worldly kind

But that where Thou set thy Spirit free

And it can only be done when thy mind that is limited becomes one with mine...

That sees this pain as a gift!

As a doorway, where world dissolves at my feet!

Where thy heart shall be vast beyond this universe,

Holding tenderly all souls;

Who love & even those who know naught! Who've forgotten this pathway where our hearts meet!

For God carries & loves all equally

For his children of minds may have forgotten to love;

But God knows nothing but to hold even these souls as his own

When I give you this pain to free thy spirit, thy limited mind dissolves into mine & then through the eyes of love you see...

That There is no right no wrong

No weakness, no fall....

There are only these tender hands of my children who are lost

And then along with me you too carry all

Only when thy heart has bloomed as Love;

Shall thy know' the pain that's sweet, the love that's me,

For I never forsake any soul

No matter the darkness where it's been,

For in each soul its only me;

Only Light that is!

My Child, Thou Art That'

Even you know!

See how thy heart has blossomed into love!

And in that very transformation thou have served me'

For every time you give a second chance to my child who's lost its path, In that you blossom as Love

That Alone I Breathe!

Words just flow & it's All Him, I'm only the 1st recipient who has been given this Prasadam of Love that has to be shared

It was so beautiful & touching, the way he lifted my spirit, through this 2nd poem, that by not bargaining my heart through those challenging times & by giving another who hurts, a second chance through forbearance; my heart has blossomed.

This was given in the process of painting, while I was tuned to Thursdays Sandeha Nivarni program http://dl.radiosai.org/TL_LIVE_2019_08_01_11_8_30PM_TO_10PM.mp3 of 1st August 2019,

that I missed on & was catching up & no sooner the poem was given, he gave a confirmation of sign through brother Jatin Desai's story in the context to pain & suffering. Where he had a thought why did Swami suffer for a month before samadhi. And how Swami gave him an understanding, as Mr Jatin Desai was on chemotherapy & swami would guide him from within on how to breathe so as to pass that Pain moment & he wouldn't feel any bodily pain, but when he happened to see a lady on the adjoining bed, moaning in pain & was all by herself as none of her relatives came to see her, he couldn't hold back his tears & sobbed, to which Swami said, see this is suffering. When you take others pain you go through this stage. And that is why Swami chose to suffer by taking the pains of earth upon himself, before he left. And he gave me a confirmation through the 2nd poem in context to my life, that by taking the hurt of those who bullied me, I took upon that suffering by giving them a second chance to life

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Later on 4th August 2019, he gave me the 3rd poem where the final touch ups of painting were in process

3rd Poem

When all of your personal stories of pain....Dissolve into Love...

You Verily Are God!

Through this painting he showed, that what we think of serving Swami through whatever work labels we think of ourselves is not serving. He's not concerned if as an artist I serve, for what matters to him is the process of transformation we all undergo in serving.

Weather our hearts expand in love, such that our hearts & minds become him.

This is the story behind 3poems & a painting. Where the limited human mind, merges in One Mind that's God, where there's no right no wrong & once heart expands as Gods heart that's only Love

Everything that happens only happens for ones good. So even if some pain comes your way, if it helps you to open your heart & love all equally, no matter how one treats you, then there's this expansion in your heart & you become a butterfly that flutters & dances & when all your personal stories of pain dissolve into Love, you become God.

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Mixmedia charcoal & acrylic on cold press paper

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Copyright: Meghna/2019