Is She Lying....Is She "Lying"....

Untill you don’t fill that Space of Darkness With Your Own Light.... No Love Outside... Can Help! . These words that loop stand as a testimony through my two decades of chronic invisible pain to the emotional & mental state of constantly being scrutinised. The words- “Is She Lying” ring on various levels, weather she is simply lying on bed (which most part of my life I have), or “Lying” as in speaking lies. They echo those look of judgements & words that were subtly wrapped, yet as crinkly wrappers; sound admonishing a life that no longer fit in the “social norms”. As soon as I wasn’t a peg that helped feed their desires, the circus to make another a punching joker started. Anything you do that does not fit in the norms of what you’re expected off, will be judged, that you don’t look sick, your dressing, your will to paint or be able to do things that makes me happy. I’ve been dealing with physical pain with only support from Atul & Coco, living in a body of a 85-90 yr old as said by a doctor even while I was in my late 20’s What I’ve come to realise is that relationships are not pegs made to fit others to our wants. To use another as punching bags to the darkness one carries within. No amount of love or light can light up that darkness until one truly starts loving oneself. I’ve seen their face of anger & minds of manipulation. It was never about my illness & that I am no longer able serve theirs wants. You only put someone down because you’ve not raised yourself in love! This invisible pain & Cocos love has made me a far stronger person. Once again I say- Nothing can fill you from outside, until you yourself begin to heal. For Healing is Always Within! So let these words now echo the question I’m asking, for no life on earth is answerable to the petty minds that tries to swallow another’s effulgence for they’ve bargained their light to a darkness thats suffocating . ©️ Meghna/2020