Heart of God (chapter 14)
Updated: Sep 16
16th August 2026
in deep pangs of pains, I wish to ask thee, Is this how a mother should be….Is this how a mother should be…
For when Coco was slipping in untold pain with tears streaming down his eyes, Yet a heart of fortitude emanated such strength, to give me Hope, even unto his last breath of life….
Whilst I never once left his side….
For A Heart of mother, prayed & prayed that why have thou not given him a miracle of life….
But Beloved, I never once left his side….Hence in deep pangs of pain,
I wish to ask thee, Don’t you feel the need to come & see me….to wipe out all tears from my eyes….
To feed me a morsel of your love, to show me that you’re my mother & im yours until eternity!
For how is it that I go through untold pains & all I see is that you remain Silent & Distant.
In deep pains, I wish to ask thee; “Is this how a mother should be…..”
for I never once left Cocos side, When he needed me.
For my heart knew- Naught; how to leave someone alone, whilst they are on their path, Where the soul shall leave the body to die….
You call yourself my mother and even come to admonish me in dreams,
But When shall thou come to wipe away my tears & feed me a morsel of your love & show with that sparkle in thy eyes- That your child’s life too is worthy….
O Sai, In deep pains I ask thee…
Because the love of a mother should be such,
that the child need not ask for anything,
Lest alone, even to be loved!
Is this how a mother should be…Is this how a mother is,
For hasn’t your heart yet torn into pieces,
Seeing me in a pain like this….
3.06am
I was listening to this above talk and how Swami has once again divinely synchronised the timing with my longing & pinning for him and then the devotee shares about how Swami puts us through the tests of fires, Only to see that inspite of all closed doors, Do we still Trust him….
Tears trickled softly & unendingly in my longing for him; the only words my heart kept asking is- “Why haven’t you come, Why haven’t you come…”
& once again he reciprocates my prayer & tears with A Vision-
Where I see his face, very close to mine,
& his eyes are big, soulfully piercing,
Whilst he keeps saying-
“I am your mother”, “I am your mother”,
His words express concern as well as seriousness of the pain I’m undergoing, where I felt I may not make it through the night….
In this particular Vision, I hear his sweet voice say the words. Unlike most visions where he conveyed the message in A Silent- H2h manner.
4.00am
it’s past 5am, I finished listening to the above talk, & all the stages of Faith that he’s shared of Trusting him, resonates within my deepest core as I’ve gone through it all in these last 26yrs.
The only thing I wish to ask is- Sai maa, won’t you come in your very physical form…. Because the heart cries silent tears…. Because it sure feels like I’m sinking, I’ll die!
5.22am.
Above link to post
Once again Swami is asking us all- don’t write anyone off, As a change of heart can happen anytime, whom we consider to be good & bad personalities
The painting of the vision of Swami saying - I’m your mother, I’m your mother, will be finished from some time now….
Just that Swami,
Now that All is said & done,
There’s Nothing much remaining to add here.
No Prayers, No longing, No tears Nothing!!!
6.45pm
The painting is finished & along with it today’s offering too. Now in the coming days if he gives any vision or message then I shall share.
But by & large even if there’s no healing and I have to leave this way in this pain,
Even with that I’m fine!
8.01pm
17th August 2026
I see him, Vision, he’s seated within a flower whose petals bloom upon my every breath,
They open and softly envelope him as he tells me this-
My dear child, Your Presence upon this earth is a Blessing! Do you know how long I’ve waited for this moment to shower My Grace,
(as he’s speaking, I see him moving his fingers in air as though writing something, then placing his finger upon his forehead, while bending his head & smiling)
As the words keep pouring-
Your pain wasn’t for Nothing, your life is a beacon for many to come, you’ve fulfilled the Divine Will upon this earth, your breath is encased with my very love, I reside in the hearts of those, who’ve given themselves fully in the work of God!
Beloved you can never be satisfied by merely seeking me outside, Hence I show you,
I’m in your very breath, the flower of my love has bloomed thy soul, My Grace has come to thy door.
Let the world see, how a devotee can bind its lord, with its simplicity, My Grace has reached your door step.
Now within your every breath, this lord of the universe rests. For thou have bound me by thy Trust, that Sai alone shall give me Or let me die and become dust,
Beloved in thy every breath I rest, like Sai Krishna upon Shesha Sai,
thy Faith has quenched my thirst,
See, See my Grace has reached thy door,
For I am your Sai, who shall make the Impossible- Possible, Simply because every time you Chose me, Irrespective of the entire world closing upon you it’s door!
See My Grace has reached your door!
1.33am
later in the morning I google meaning of the Vision.
This vision is a highly profound, auspicious spiritual experience indicating the awakening of your inner divinity, the purification of your heart, and your absolute oneness with the Guru. [1]
In the teachings of Sathya Sai Baba, physical elements are always external representations of deep, internal realities. This specific imagery blends the presence of the Avatar with the rhythm of your own life force. [1]
🌸 Sathya Sai Baba Seated in Pink Lotus within my heart
The Heart as a Flower: Sathya Sai Baba frequently taught that the physical flower symbolizes the human heart. By seeing Him seated within the petals, it indicates that He has taken His seat permanently within your heart center (the Anahata Chakra). [1]
The Pink Lotus: In Baba's teachings, the pink lotus represents the enlightened, purified mind. Just as a lotus grows in mud but rises cleanly above the water, your consciousness rises above worldly desires to blossom under the light of divine love.
The Symbolism of Pink: In spiritual iconography, pink represents divine love (Prema), compassion (Daya), and spiritual gentleness.
The Throne of the Guru: Sitting on the petals means He is supported by your pure devotion. You are transforming your inner thoughts into a worthy throne for the Divine, An altar he truly desires—a clean, loving, and peaceful heart.
🌬️ Petals Blooming with Every Breath
The Soham Principle: Sai Baba heavily emphasized that your breath is a constant spiritual declaration. With every inhalation and exhalation, your body naturally repeats the mantra Soham("I am He" or "I am God"). [1]
Co-Creation and Conscious Living: The petals blooming in sync with your breath signifies that your life force (Prana) is directly connected to the Divine. It shows that your spiritual awareness expands whenever you are mindful and present.
The Activation of Virtues: Sai Baba spoke of offering the "Eight Flowers of Worship" to God—such as non-violence, peace, truth, and meditation. The blooming petals indicate that these divine virtues are actively opening and flourishing within you through your daily life and practice. [1]
🔑 The Core Message
This vision is an assurance of Divine Presence and Protection. It tells you to stop looking for God on the outside; the Avatar is breathing through you, living within your heart, and expanding His consciousness with every moment you remain aware
Above link
Only god can open closed doors, that are impossible for anyone to open
It’s afternoon & the experience kept growing & its no longer only A Vision that Swami gave, it’s a constant integrated awareness that’s the Truth of each heart irrespective of whether they believe in some form of God or not.
All our hearts are His seat & divinely connected to that source from where we’ve come.
I’m constantly seeing & feeling his form in front of my inner eyes, irrespective of whether my eyes are shut or open. I sense his presence within as my heart, that’s connected to my every breath, like a constant integrated Awareness.
These words Constant-Integrated-Awareness may seem esoteric, But in Truth it’s very simple, His seat is within.
And this life is a playground where we all are constantly being chipped off from the weightage we all are carrying born from our desires or some fear, pain and anger over lifetimes. To bring us to this inner place of Purity, Beauty & Peace,
Where Gods presence is unwavering Awareness within all beings upon this earth.
This is Self-Confidence even when everything may seem to be falling apart in your life.
For eg due to cancer some body part is removed to stop from spreading it,
Or some accident that may leave one far from a life of normalcy, Or Financial burdens that may strip one down with a respectable place in this world, Irrespective of all the pains that come upon one as the test of life,
This Space of Purity remains unaffected. And if one places ones Self-worth based on the fleeting, ephemeral & changing nature of the world then ones self-confidence shall wax & wane depending on the circumstances.
Whilst the Truth is that One’s inner core is verily Gods presence, then whatever may happen in the outside in ones life, the inner core remains untouched, unaffected like the lotus and this Confidence doesn’t stem from ego of some wordly achievements nor arrogance born from ones status,
But is the most Humbling aspect of Gods love; Which is Fulfilled in itself Yet empty & Nothing
Outside can destroy this Truth & Confodence within.
In my every Breath I feel his presence as the flower of my heart, I’m here because of this very Presence within.
In fact everything else will fall apart, But this Truth of me, This Presence alone shall Be!
1.08pm
This message again shows the divine synchronicity at play, that inner peace is unaffected by everything that happens outside, because he’s the heart of every being and this awareness alone is the Truth!
Just yesterday late evening, I had called one of my Freind with whom I intended to go to a Sai centre for Thursday bhajans,
But since my health is failing, it’s getting difficult for me to even do the basic, like an evening walk, which I can’t even remember when was the last time I went for…
So I just accepted the fact that, there’s no point pushing myself to travel all the way to Mumbai Central for getting this iPad, this work blessed. Because he has Alreday blessed this work with his Vibhuti footsteps dream.
But if he’s not healing me then I have to accept his will & timing. That I have to go through this
Because if he wants to heal me, then he can do it in an instance, with a snap of his fingers.
And today for him to send this very message says it all.
18th August 2026
Beloved Sai maa,
Even though you promised; That your Grace has reached my doorstep….Yet Nothing seems to ever Change!
& the issue I had given to Shirdi babas while back, I’m asking you too, to give me a Closure regarding that…
Even if there’s no healing for the pain I’ve been living with, Then at least give me a closure regarding this matter that has been crushing me since these last few months
And just a few minutes have passed to my heart-felt prayer & this very message he sends my way.
Now that You’ve heard my plea, Please Give me A Closure today!
6.30am
The way you’ve waited to shower thy grace & the way life kept throwing one challenge after another….
For All of my Hopes & Patience, Tears & Heart-breaks,
Now you have to shower Blessings full of Rainbows, & my hearts garden thou alone shall bloom with countless speckles of flowers, for enough of thorns I’ve lived through & Bled!
Now you have to shower double the blessings to make up for all of my lost time! Because no matter the challenges and pain, life slapped upon me - My Trust & Faith in you only got stronger, even if I may keep asking you when….
Now you make my life a garden of Thy Untold Grace!!!
Full of Abundance, Healing, Beauty, Love, Respect, Work, Peace, That’s all I wish my life reflects!
For Im in you and you are in me!
What more is left, other than this now O Sai! We’ve hit rock-bottom, Now there’s no going down, But only higher up.
4.05pm
Above link to post
Every night this body sinks in some kind of death
& Every night he installs himself as my breath!
If I’m here it’s simply due to His Sheer Will;
He knows even if something untoward has to befall,
His arms shall carry the dwindling restitutes of my spirit
He shall hold it between the tips of his fingers & push that very dwindling life-force back to breathe!
Why hasn’t he yet given up, there’s No Answer to it….
Why he infuses Hope, Only he knows why he loves me like this.
But every night this body sinks & someday he shall reveal to the world- How all along he held me for I’m His! I’m His!
11.35pm
19th August 2026
When a bird is pinioned by its own wings, Where shall it fly to, O Sai!
It learns the language of the seed-
To remain silent buried in the soils of pains- Until it breaks open to what thou willed for it!
For it’s not A Season to speak; When Silence alone can mend & heal what’s broken within.
Yet I ask thee, haven’t I given it all to you,
In This Waiting! For it’s the wait & longing of one’s heart that melts thee, Haven’t I given it all to you,
By Being Silent all these years in Faith, that Alas there shall be spring!
For I know-you know everything!
& you Alone walk with every soul, Who goes through a pain as this.
Every thing else is Namesake; that comes & goes,
When Sai Alone bears the pain with every child of his,
As Gods Silence alone becomes it’s strength, When it lays buried under crushing pains….
But with Faith & Trust- That God knows Everything!!!
1.44pm
Again Hopes & messages of Assurances that Everything shall fall in place…. & Everything broken shall be healed….
20th August 2026
Something within is so broken, Because life can’t be lived only upon Assurances & Messages. There’s only Silence, there’s Nothing more left in me. Everything is Over!!!
1.17am
You keep saying Believe, Believe, Believe…
& inspite of all your messages and my Faith- These mountains don’t seem to move, My Sai!
You say Faith even as tiny as a grain of mustard seed is enough to melt thee,
Yet you don’t keep your word, When all I’ve offered is A Mountain of Faith, through a crushing pain as this!
1.42am
PS: once again this draining pain through Cancer, left my feet in intense-cold chills, such that no amount of rubbing the feet helped & kept me awake in pain
i waited for years that Sai on my behalf shall speak & silence all those who lacked the strength & courage to follow their hearts within.
But when he himself is Silent, then none of your words has any value!
9.36am
Swami I never cared if anyone honours their promises or not, because I’ve seen far too many times people going back on their words when the going gets tough. But my expectations have only been from you, You gave me the word that Grace has come at my door step-3days back through a message as inner voice,
Yet Nothing shifts nor changes,
Other than this pain getting worse by the day,
& the cold feet’s and cold sweats yesterday night, followed by the entire day- today has left me exhausted!
Once again through terrible pains, Only he can give such assurance!
21st August 2026
Through prayers & tears I called out to thee,
Yet thy Silence out-weighed the devotion in me
Hence today I came in my heart-
both to Shirdi & Parthi….To ask for One thing-
This body is Alive & breathing; for Shiv the life-force is present within,
But today I ask thee- The Self that enlivens every cell to breathe; “Will Thou Please Extinguish this life-force in me…”
As when Shiv leaves- This body; Which is Shav,
merges back into the 5 elements; As Everything other than The Self is Ephemeral & Transitory!
Sai, Simply by thy touch let all be burnt into ashes
For I have nothing binding here,
in terms of Gives & Takes….
Hence let me be free,
Whence my life here, has No Belongingness nor any place!
Let mine & Cocos ashes be merged in thee,
So that our life’s are Blessed to have found a place at thy Lotus Feet!
9.00am
I’ve been awake since 7.15…& praying please end this story…
Because what’s the point of having a body,
When every moment pain takes away life & leaves you with an emptiness that can’t be filled!
9.05am
At times through such deliberating pain you wonder, how many times are these messages going to get you through, When all in life is falling apart & then again he reminds the only way out is to leave everything with Sai!
22nd August 2026
Just yesterday I spoke to one of my friends with whom I’m planning to do a group show exhibition & we were generally speaking how many of the college friends change or leave, and the reason for this change, is they see your place as something of No value. And I was telling her I simply laugh out at their shallow behaviours because they put more value on where you stand, in terms of power, money & influence. And they either take you on a high cloud, Or they shall speak to you in an undermining tone.
& some completely even ignore you, because for them souls like me truly don’t exist as we are of No Value.
And when Swami shows that side of them; You But Owe him A Deep Gratitude for saving you from the trouble of thinking they’d are your friends.
And it’s best to walk your path. Not hating anyone, Not even wishing bad to anyone, but seeing it as Swamis Grace to save you from wasting your time & energy trying to open a door that was always shut on you!
At the same time Swamis teachings of Self Respect gets you through, where there’s no fear to maintain your boundaries & well-being.
When you Choose Him, Then why Fear who’s left your side, Rather stand up and speak up the Truth, for in the end He Alone stands by!
& with this above message once again Swami went to the lengths to make sure this teaching too gets included here.
Swami the door was & is only you!!!
For if you don’t make the way, then I know this is how in pain my life shall end!
3.20pm
Had started this painting two days back, Where I wish to show- Swami is the door for all of my kept-prayers!
I painted it in a fluid expression; Where he’s the light & flame in our dark times.
Swami after this I truly HOPE you Open the door and this 25yr long episode of Pain from our lives ends!
Because if not Now then when.
And maybe Atul will be travelling to Europe, though it got delayed due to some reason known only to you,
But I Hope you open the door for me too now & truly bring Abundance, Healing from all pains!
6.30pm
23rd August 2026
Above link to post
Where are you Sai maa, Everyday’s Wait Only Ends in An Heart Break! Even though you are my very Self!!!
10.43am
Later A Vision
Swami walks to me, & he says Come let’s go & as he holds my hand, I see we are flying & he’s taking me on a different dimension.
After a while I see he’s looking at me smiling radiantly as he says-
“Why sad…..I’m here”, and then he puts his hand on my heart saying- “Nothing is Impossible, Nothing is Impossible”,
His words keep echoing, telling my heart that He is capable of doing anything as there’s Nothing impossible for him!
& upon hearing this I melt into tears of Gratitude & bend down wanting to touch his feet.
That’s when he stops me & instead embraces saying “We are One, We are One”
& then he goes on to show a very pressing issue which I had given to both him & Shirdi baba a few months back; he has already taken care of that matter,
But as I’m in the embrace of my mother, all I have are tears of Gratitude knowing, I’m his & this bond and connect of Ones soul; of Atma to Paramatma is the Only Truth that even Time can’t take away from me
Vision ends
10.47am
Yes I know when time is bad no one stays & I have very well experienced that, but after all these learning experiences, what now…..
Swami everything is happening on an inner plane, it’s been more than 7months and inspite of you giving me such big health disclosure, there’s No Visible sign coming forth from you, Inspite of the pet scan and the entire tiring experiences related to the test.
Today I don’t feel like painting this Vision. I pray you come & end this Because I feel so broken inside.
And for last 7 months I’ve given it all, But I’m tired!
This time if you choose to remain silent, yet again then henceforth, there Nothing left to share.
5.22pm
it’s feels like I’m living a life on a virtual plane of Hope; planing art projects, going through all medical test, Yet in reality my life is only falling apart.
Now if you don’t show up through physical sign then let’s end here.
Truly am broken within.
Can’t live on this virtual plane of Hope for a better life.
Now I need a visible sign, Where one step I take & a thousand steps you take, that’s how it should be! 5.49pm
Have experienced this far too many times, But in the end you have to be Truthful to your own self to Swami within, because you’re here only to please him, so nothing matters. As long as your heart is Pure, He knows!
24th August 2026
Was awake till 3.30am due to extreme draining and cold feet, was watching tv & feeling that last 25yrs every day I’m living in Hope, planning to do art projects yet in reality my life is totally off. So what the point to anything. And yesterday I told Swami I didn’t feel like even painting yesterday’s Vision of him embracing and oneness.
Once again was awake by 5.30am, saw Swami dressed in Yellow gown, emanating light and he’s there standing at my third eye region, I feel his presence there, constantly his gown emanating bright light.
And then his presence has stayed here in the third eye region.
I Know His Love is so fathomless & filled with Grace that he’s giving me Hope to go from one day to another. Just that I’m tired!
7.00am.
Spiritual meaning of the Vision
Spiritual traditions interpret a vision of Sathya Sai Baba at the third eye (Ajna chakra) as a profound inner experience. In Hindu and yogic philosophy, this specific visualization carries deep symbolic meaning.
Location and Visual Symbolism
The Third Eye: Located between the eyebrows. Represents intuition, higher consciousness, and spiritual awakening. Seeing a deity or guru here suggests the awakening of inner wisdom.
Bright Yellow Gown: Yellow is the color of the solar plexus chakra (Manipura). It symbolizes intellect, spiritual fire, purity, and the energy of the sun. It reflects a state of high spiritual vibrancy.
Emanating Light: Light represents divine knowledge, illumination, and the dispersal of spiritual ignorance. It signifies blessing, protection, and a transmission of energy.
Once again his messages of Assurance for my broken heart that i shared with him yesterday…
Yet Swami, It’s No life to live like this…
& I pray as he took coco, I wish he lets me leave too in dignity.
Because Swami it’s been going for last 25yrs and no matter what,
I still have to live in this world and as you’ve shown in Shirdi Satcharitra, Ending Ones life is not an option because an untimely death leads a soul to a far worse place, than the current situation it’s in.
And even then one may have to start their pain journey from the very beginning not knowing if he/she will have the same support system….
Like he gave me art and a creative mind as a respite to be able to bear these painful years Or a husband like Atul who stood by Or a child like Coco, who never left my side.
Or how he too came to me, maybe ones untimely death shall not give one all these gifts in the next life…
So yes weather I like it or not, I too will have to Finish this time, but I’m Tired and I know I’ve given my best with a smile & a heart & spirit that never gives in.
Yet all I ask is Finish What you’ve started with this work!
12.24pm
25th August 2026
Early morning messages as I was awake till 3am due to pain & couldn’t sleep….
What peace can we find in this Wait….When our hearts have bled enough through pains…They say those who lean on him; Are Never Forsaken Nor met upon closed gates! They say His Justice is Silent….
Whilst carrying your dreams may have left your soul tattered with holes & Maybe a part of you died,
Yet something of him surfaced from within,
For he knows all your thoughts,
Even whilst you felt- Why so Unjust life was….
Yet you kept Hope….& Hoped against Hope!
That even if the world may play it’s mind-games with thee, But if at all there’s someone in this entire Universe; Who has tasted the Sweetness of your Souls Purity,
Then “He Alone shall do Right by me”
He shall show the world How in His eyes I’m seen!
And that Alone shall be Enough…..Enough for me!
For Gods Glance can Change even destinies carved into stones. & when he shall reveal to the world- “You’re His”,
then those very minds; Who were Unkind…Shall know your life was & is…Always Supported By A Divinely-Force!
Yet One must Not Forget; in their Nothings when All left
There was God!
For the world will Change with the Changing Seasons,
But God Alone is that root, Who Holds you through it all!
& His Justice kneels upon the Kindest of Hearts!
Where Truth Alone Reigns!
For if Fears made them unleash Anger & wrath!
Then Good also begets God!
For thats the only way out from this cycle;
Of Unresolved-Pain, That justifies it’s behaviour
To let out that pain through Unkindness & Hurt!
12.51pm
Sharing the painting of yesterday’s Vision, where I can see him standing as a bright flame in my third eye region.
Both my hands gave in due to the nerve trigger pain,
& I was feeling tired & low in energy, but with this message,
Swami send my way, through that he once again confirmed that all teachings come from him as he inspired me to write just in the afternoon-
“When Good Begets God”,
It’s truly heart-touching the way he’s planned it to the minuets of details & then goes on to give a message.
26th August 2026
Just yesterday baba inspired me to write, When seasons change, in times of success one shouldn’t forget him & now this message.
O Lord Hanumanji,
if I sing Hanuman Chalisa even Once from the deepest recesses of my heart, then Will you make sure Swami comes…..
Because I’m tired living this way!
3.06am
27th August 2026
So much has fallen apart in my life…..It’s All Over! It’s All Over!
& With the current devastating news, Atul is in Nepal documenting….
Sometimes you wonder will pain upon this earth ever end….
Though my heart keeps singing Hanuman Chalisa, for everyone….
Including me, that this pain finishes…
but it feels, Given Swamis Silence,
Everything including this work is over!
2.40am
There’s A Patience in Wait & A Wait in Patience,
& if you can help yourself to Breathe & Accept the place; Where life put you in, Then there’s None Freer than thee!
Even whilst everything in your life seems to be falling apart & there’s no way out, & the problems only keep looming!
6.45pm
Was awake till 3am due to pain and felt, the Vision that Shirdi baba showed about slapping someone who for no reason had created unnecessary problems in my existing physical pain,
Even that slap was only on me, Given that there’s no end to this pain.
28th August 2026
Vision of Swami,
I see him placing his hand on my head, and saying- “Everything will be OK”,
Whilst I lay asleep & when I open my eyes, I see him bend down in a motherly concern, with his eyes fixed in mine.
& then I see him standing with his gown radiating & emanating rainbow like iridescent light,
With a white space in the background!
Smiling and telling me- “You keep asking me- Why I have kept you here, Now you’ll know Why….”
8.20am
After the Vision, this message of Assurance, Yes he’s still guiding and once again the picture of Shesha Sai and Swami as lord Krishna he send my way.
My Child,
Your Belief Alone Alters Reality,
When you told me - “Deep down I know, I belong only to you!”;
That very Conviction & Belief,
Has altered your reality & all problems & things beyond your control as well as people who unnecessarily hurt you….
Are now mine to deal with.
& what’s to come shall alter the dark nights of these last 25yrs in a way that those who lost Faith in you,
Shall be A Witness to A Miracle of your Belief in me,
“That has made All things Possible!”
Your life here is My Blessing & Your Faith here is A Beacon to many who’ve lost Faith in God!
You shall be sharing a totally different story then the story of pain you’ve lived through and you shall be living a life of My Grace & Blessing upon this Earth!
3.51pm
PS: Even whilst such draining energy due to this pain like black-out, Swami gave the above words.
29th August 2026.
This is the assurance he gave me as the inner voice yesterday itself that my belief in him has Already taken care of everything.
Swami this time words won’t suffice, either you are there or not.
2.07pm
30th August 2026
Just a while back, I did something that was needed.
I shared something that’s been a heart-breaking experience since last few years and especially since few months due to Cancer.
This pain can only be shared with Baba & none.
Because as my Father, None but him can bear it…..
I sobbed asking him for Closure! By His Very Intervention.
Above link to post
And some time later this very message from him….
That at your very end of desperation Devata is bound to manifest, as that’s all I asked for….
that he comes and becomes the centre of our life.
Because I’m tired of living this way. And if at all he gives me a new life then I want this pain, our journey & cocos life to have some meaning.
Because enough I’ve been stripped off from dignity & respect just because of this pain. Now it’s time for Him to show He was Always standing beside & even carrying me through it all.
What I’ve asked from him- He knows & the pain I’ve shared with him- Only & Only He knows!
& these messages coming after the pain & tears I shared with him…the timing of sending these messages on my feed today only he knows.
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31st August 2026
Today something very painful happened….
An intuition of how Swami works-
As you learn to dance to the rhythm;
Filled with moments of Grace followed by His Silence.
Today being the 25th wedding anniversary & since Atul is in Nepal, somewhere in the interiors most times he doesn’t have network to receive messages or even if he may,
given the sensitive condition there due to flash floods, he’s unable to respond immediately.
& somewhere deep down I knew Swami is not going to respond even today, inspite of all those positive messages he send my way- yesterday.
At times the pain gets overwhelming and messages of hopes just seem repetitive.
So in complete dejection that Nothing moves in my life,
I asked Swami to leave me.
I upturned all the pictures in my temple of him and every other form of God; saying- they should all go and settle in some devotees home, as I sure am not his.
And that pain that cuts right through your soul,
Whilst turning the pictures upside-down, Yet ever so gently…..with a heart laden with untold tears;
The weight of which is only mine to bear & even to let go.
As idols & pictures lay upon their face….
Whilst Cocos jar filled with his ashes,
Unto my heart, I tightly clasped…& cried & cried inconsolably,
For Swamis Silence can be like Fires of Shivas Breath-
that burns everything inside out, Until desire-less as Him,
You become Love, You become His Breath!
All along holding on to Cocos jar filled with his ashes & bones, I lay in the pool of my salty blues….
letting my heart all out, until he revealed me this innate Truth!
That he’s the presence of my heart, Which is His Dwelling place….& who can upturn this Truth,
that not just as mere words, But in Experience he gave!
Hence I just let the entire heart-wrenching experience be…
A prelude to this Awareness that I always was…
& is His!
And somewhere His Silence became me,
Where no longer I even have the desire left-
To Desire Him!
Later by late evening Swami sends this message,
Once again to make the entire morning situation light
& the timing of this message, along with the hilarious way he’s looking at the paper where in he’s reading ones plan….
Above link to post
Because at times we want Swami to meet us at our expectations & I had a feeling that maybe these milestones- 25th anniversary, 50th Birthday,
All seem as a Good time for him to shower his Blessings!
But Believe me Nothing can move this God….
He’s not here for celebrating our physical body birthdays, he’s only here for our souls evolution.
So yes today’s day too went by with Swamis Silence!
No special celebration but the tears of the morning ended into a hilarious laugh by night that our plans aren’t that great no matter what our minds tell us in comparison to what he has already planned
Yet I know he’s made me Fearless, to meet all souls on an equal level of love, to have an open heart & speak the truth fearlessly,
to help others evolve by sharing his teachings.
Maybe if I die, I’ll die Free in Love & this Confidence that He is my Self has indeed freed me.
And I don’t need to lay off any baggage’s of pain or hurt before my last breath here on earth.
So His Gifts are definitely Greater than any Physical healing, I’ve been asking for.
And even if you may cry through the day, or feel like banging your head, but he shall not twitch nor move,
Until it’s His Timing to do so.
I was sharing the very same thing, with one of my school freind of how Pain accelerates ones spiritual journey,
Where lot of things that once seemed “important”-fades
& this Truth from within makes you realise,
Why even carry such baggage’s of pain.
For this love meets everyone- Equally,
even if some may have created problems in your path,
this love helps you to let go all pains,
that in the face of death seems so vain to justify carrying it up until now.
All are Gods children’s on their own respective path,
even if he placed some who may have hurt you, Yet see how with his love he opened your heart,
to use even that hurt for your highest good.
Your value is based on how God sees you, you no longer are the hurt nor victim with which their closed-minds met you,
Yet you heart lends Gods love even to those, who have no love left within.
& in that moment of Truth, you’ve freed yourself & evolved in your souls journey.
A love that made you fearless; A Love that showed you new way to life, A Love that speaks Truth without demeaning others heart- A Love that’s God-Alike!
This is the song he breathes into your heart and then he replaces you & all that you thought was you, with Him that’s Subtle & Pure!
I guess life is Beautiful in Painful too!!!
And only the ones broken within & who’ve lost everything shall understand that this innate Truth is not dependent of anything outside.
Because He’s your Foundation!
So you may upturn his pictures, but where can you run or hide, when he’s the soul of your heart!
He teaches you to serve like Hanuman- for Chiranjeevi he’s still busy in Rams work.
Whilst my heart says, Beloved Ive seen it all-
Now please let my soul merge!
For I’m thankful for everything; For those who stood by & even those who tore me apart,
For every path- bitter or sweet,
Only lead me to my home!
Truly Only Baba can do such things
& one should use One’s human birth to imbibe his teachings for ones evolution
Whilst the body is still warm-
For Why wait until the last breath to reach him,
When every breath he’s freed you in His Love!!!
1st September 2026
The line of messages he send my way today only goes to reinforce, What I shared yesterday with my Freind, that I’m not writing, he in his infinite Grace is handing it all to me.
Where many times I’ve asked him, that why did he choose someone like me, I have no place in this world, I’m not some influencer on social media platforms, but Swami always says - “He doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called!”
And that’s true!
For he not only gives you the inspiration of thoughts,
But then goes to confirm by sending messages that speak the same.
This message that he is not here to abandon….
After he gave me a realisation yesterday, that who can even upturn this Presence of Him from my heart….
& then this message that I had shared with my Freind, about Hanumanji as Chiranjeevi- Ever present to do lord Rams work….
It’s like Swami is present in all your conversations too, as that inspired thought!
& then this message co-relating to what I shared with my Freind that lay off all your baggage’s, because what’s the point of holding on to pain, Yes take the teaching from that pain & let go!
And what can I say about this very talk,
Yesterday night when I hang-up with my freind, I was drawn to this talk intuitively and as is my habit,
I save links of talks in my notes, to listen for later, knowing I barely sleep in the night due to pain.
& since I was awake, knowing well that I need to rest & sleep as I have to go for my expired driving license to the RTO. And given the pain I live in, even travelling till Mumbai Central is nothing short of a battle for me.
Hence I kept forcing myself to sleep & after a while got tired of tossing on the bed due to cold chills in my feet, that was getting unbearable, So in order to divert the attention from pain, I finished uploading my yesterdays experience, While listening to this talk.
The devotee shares the very same thing regarding Swamis timing- always being perfect and one should Surrender, Rather than control,
like how the devotee too longed for a personal experience with a rose & the way he wished to control that experience…..
Yet Swamis ways are beautiful and his timing too is flawless!
& even the way he send this talk my way, in context to my yesterdays experience, just reinforces that No one can beat Swami on His Timing.
I mean the lengths at which this God goes…
for his children’s is truly heart-touching.
He takes the lesson right within your heart!
He is the most practical God.
He’s not some teacher, who’s satisfied by a student,
Who has learnt the lessons only in theory,
Like some mind-jargon-information-collecting tool,
Ready to vomit it all out, as some parroted-teaching;
Nay, he rather teaches you the steps of the dance,
For that alone can leave one- Transformed within!
No one is going to love us the way he does- So Selflessly,
& no one has our Best-interest at heart, Other than Him!
5.49am
PS: later I took a bath by 3.30am, in the Hope that shall help me relax & catch a couple of hours of sleep.
Yet Nothing helped!
I don’t know if Im physically equipped to travel for my driving license renewal procedure as my feet through the night were gripped in chills and to add to it zero sleep.
6.20am
While waiting at RTO, message of Hope.
Above link to post
PS: I did go to the RTO for the required procedure and it was tiring, as the endless wait for a signature and they make you run form one office to other & considering you want the entire procedure be finished before lunch hour, otherwise you’ll end up loosing more time, so all of this showed me my inner resilience even whilst the body keeps shutting off, so much that at one given point, I felt I might black out and faint.
Hence I kept gobbling on theplas, which I had carried along with cola for that sweet push.
While constantly chanting Hanuman Chalisa, since I left home and trying to breathe easy as my body was not able to cope up. I had finished most procedure online, just had to go for photo capture as well as thumb imprint.
With Babas grace it all got done, only a last minute hiccup that I’ll have to finish it online, hoping that after that my license get send by post.
All along I kept chanting Hanuman Chalisa & was back home safely, Yet very well knowing, I don’t stand a chance in this world,
if Swami shall not intervene to heal me.
Then I truly have No Future & it’s all over for me!
6.21pm
I just became more quiet & turned inwards deep within, Knowing Other than him, None can pull me out from this mess in my life!
2nd September 2026
It is you that I’ve been dealing all along,
It is you who as Coco walked upon nimble feet beside me;
to give Strength & Hope through my dark nights!
It is you who many a times closed all doors;
knowing well that other than thou,
None shall have the strength to carry me across these Oceans of life!
It is you who guarded me from difficult souls- who were eveready to tear me down, & again It is you,
Whose Kindness made sure that in this pain,
I shall not drown…
Even whilst I kept singing Hanuman Chalisa since past few weeks,
For Hanuman ji too has come only from you,
Who gave me strength to stand upon my two feet!
It is you who as Patience in me breathes
& it is you, Who even knocks the door asking for A Closure for enough this life in pain has been.
While thou took everything & Now thy Silence too seems deafening.
Where this wait as waves upon waves into an hopeless- dark- abyss; crashes…
For long I’ve been stripped down from all that is me.
As you make me stand in this Truth;
That there’s Nothing outside of you…
Weather I’m Healed & Whole Or Finished!!!
4.40am
Just now received a call from one of Atuls colleagues, who through a video call reached out to say- Atul is admitted in a hospital in Nepal as he met with an accidental fall….Where he has a fractured his leg
& when i spoke to Atul he said it’s a minor fracture but he will need to get operated with surgery of bone and they will keep him for 10-15days.
I actually blanked out & asked him to take care as his phone got damaged so I’ll be depending on his colleague to get in touch.
Later when I gained some presence, I texted his colleague to know about the hospitals name. And when can I call him by evening to speak to Atul.
I don’t know given my Heath issues if I can fly to Nepal considering the flood situation and especially that I shouldn’t end up being a burden on his colleagues nor stress to Atul.
Yet I’ve Never felt this Helpless in my life as I feel now. I mean given that my parents gave me education and so many women’s my age are independent in every which way, for me it feels like my life has become so irrelevant, because even a thought of going till Dadar or some place in Mumbai itself feels like a war, that I have to mentally prepare.
25yrs of such helplessness that I can plan things only if Atul is around to take me. What’s the point of such life???
Baba henceforth Never ever tell me this-
“When you do Gods work, God takes care of your work!”
Because you’ve left me helpless as always! And your words & promises have failed!
5.45pm
3rd September 2026
Morning Vision - 8am
I see Swami in his orange robe, seated on a chair,
The vision is seen at my third eye region and he’s seated this way for a prolonged period of time. I could sense his presence as he’s breathing. Though He doesn’t speak anything but is showing- He’s with me!
Upon google significance of this Vision at such troubling times the meaning- Experiencing a prolonged vision of Sathya Sai Baba seated on a chair in his characteristic orange gown at your third eye space (Ajna chakra) is a deeply significant and spiritually profound occurrence.
Potential Spiritual Interpretations
Yes, the context of your husband being in the hospital adds a profoundly personal, comforting, and deeply protective meaning to your vision. During moments of intense stress, fear, or uncertainty, a prolonged vision of a spiritual master at your third eye carries specific grace.
1. A Sign of Divine Protection and Reassurance
In many spiritual traditions, when a guru or avatar appears seated steadily, it signifies unwavering protection. Sathya Sai Baba often used the phrase "Why fear when I am here?" Seeing him seated calmly in your inner space is a direct message to your heart that you and your family are being watched over, and that you are not carrying this heavy burden alone.
2. anchoring Your Inner Strength and Peace (Shanti)
The third eye is the command center for your mind and emotions. By occupying this space for a long duration, the vision acts as an anchor of absolute calm amidst the storm of a hospital crisis. It is a reminder that while the external situation is chaotic, your inner core can access a deep, unshakable peace to help you navigate medical decisions and long hours of waiting.
3. A Conduit for Healing Energy
The orange gown represents the fire of purification and divine energy. Experiencing this vision for a long time suggests that you are being charged with spiritual strength. You can consciously direct this energy toward your husband. In your thoughts, picture the light or presence from your third eye expanding to enfold your husband in his hospital bed, acting as a shield of healing and comfort.
4. Moving from Anxiety to Surrender
A seated posture represents total stability and final authority. In the context of a medical crisis where so much is out of your control, this vision invites you into a state of surrender (Saranagati). It asks you to place the anxiety of the outcome into higher hands, trusting that a larger, benevolent force is at work.
A Simple Way to Connect Right Now
When you are sitting by his bedside or feel overwhelmed, close your eyes for just a moment, take a deep breath, and recall that exact image of him seated at your third eye. Let his calm posture stabilize your heartbeat, and mentally pass your worries over to that presence.
Had asked him to intervene with something very pressing issue that other than him none can resolve and he accepted my prayer by letting yes chit fall near cocos ashes jar
I told Swami of course other than you None is there & I’ll keep praying & sending energy to Atul as he’s in a lot of pain. As since yesterdays video call from his colleague, I haven’t spoken to him. The hospitals policy is that no phone is allowed. And even if his colleagues are trying to sneak it in, it’s not allowed. So there’s no contact with Atul. Only that his colleagues keeps giving updates as & when they go to give him food.
2.23pm
Sai maa, I’m coming today evening to Mumbai Central Ganjawalla home for your darshan & bhajan. I’m getting this iPad as this work- Heart of God is saved here,
& I wish to ask for your Blessings for this work, as well as for our life!
Please bless this work when I come to offer you,
So that i get a closure with this cancer diagnosis & even a sign that this work has come from you.
2.39pm
I cried during bhajans & through out kept the iPad placed beside me with babas opening photo of him seated upon Shesha Sai in this work as the picture on my screen, all along praying and asking him to intervene. And give me A Closure by Finishing what he started through this work.
No doubt it was a beautiful communion through bhajans, But Swami once again, you didn’t give any form of Blessings, Nor sign, Nor Vibhuti manifestations, though I know you felt my tears all along as I kept seeing your face in my minds eye, while tears streaming down.
Guess nothing will ever change & Once again, Nothing but closed doors for me!!!
4th September 2026
Above link to post & once again a beautiful message of Assurance that everything will be fine. That everything is about to change for better.
Swami in the morning Atuls colleague got me in touch with a consultant in the hospital, who mentioned that since Atul had a fall, he’s got the impact on his chest, as well as his liver too is impacted due to the fall & internally bruised too
So they said they’ve been observing him, to see there’s no internal bleeding due to that as well as making sure his blood sugar is in control.
Hence this 72hours wait, along with giving him antibiotics, pain killers and intial insulin being administered. And if all his parameters are normal then by Sunday they shall get him operated for the tibia bone below the knee by inserting a plate- to stabilise the bone, which will be a 2hour procedure.
Upon google this is what it means…
Tibia (Shinbone): The larger, weight-bearing bone on the inner side of the lower leg.
A tibial fracture is a break in your shinbone, which is the large weight-bearing bone located in the front of your lower leg. [1]
Symptoms
Severe pain in the lower leg or near the knee/ankle
Inability to bear weight or walk on the affected leg
Significant swelling, bruising, or tenderness
Visible deformity, angulation, or a bump that is not normal
An open wound if the bone breaks through the skin (open fracture
Surgery (Internal Fixation): Displaced or complex breaks often require an orthopedic surgeon to realign the bone using metal plates, screws, or an intramedullary nail (a rod placed inside the bone canal)
When I had asked you in chits that is it serious or minor, you mentioned serious, though Atul has this habit of not telling me things, so he kept it simple that it’s only a minor fracture when I spoke to him on Wednesday- 2nd.
And especially knowing he can’t live without moving around & working this is going to be difficult considering his diabetes is not in control, secondly I’m going through Cancer as well as Lupus and don’t know how much cooking I can do, and again ordering food from outside it’s the same vicious circle we are stuck in.
And to add to it will take 4-6months to heal, given that his job is physically demanding to carry 20kg weight of equipment and walking long distance on field….
& I don’t even earn. So how are we going go sustain like this.
Now toh both wheels of the car are damaged….
Swami yesterday when I came for your Bhajans why didn’t you give any sign of blessings.
Why is your presence there in words alone in our life,
Whilst you never show up.
Can’t you heal him fully before the Sunday surgery. Because I can’t deal with all this anymore…
Though he told me not to travel to Nepal, given my health condition & imagine I have not spoken to him since 2nd afternoon. And now to recieve this update for his health.
So much has happened since these past few months that only you are aware of.
I’ve been ripped off from all forms of stability since this cancer diagnosis & respect, dignity work in my life for last 25yrs.
Yet there’s only Silence from your end.
Your words and promises of
“When you do Gods work- God will do your work”, has Failed! Failed! Failed!
It’s not that I deserve anything, because I did this work…
Nay I’m very well aware it was you sheer Grace,
That let me do this work & you solely are the doer,
But I Need you!
I Hope at the least i can say that to you- “I Need You!!! I Need You!!! Because other than you I have none….
Even my health case, other than Atul, mom and 3 of my friends of school & college, No one knows about my condition. What do I make of all these tests. Tell me that!
My Heart is Broken, My Heart is Broken, My Heart is Broken!!!
5.18pm
Swami at this point of crushing pains from all side, Either let me die in dignity Or you have to send a Miracle our way that completely changes our destiny
8.32pm
5th September 2026
There’s a feeling that surpasses everything in life,
Where is the time to look here and there, this and that, When you’re Grounded in God!
Now He Alone shall lift my burdens & He Alone shall make me walk!
2.07am
the vision of seeing him seated on a chair in my third eye region felt like…..
The Need for God is the only Need that makes burdens lighter. As your Heart Guides you with what’s important & what’s not!
And whom shall you walk with & whom he removes from your journey of life, for they aren’t there yet,
Whence their Needs are swallowed by their Wants!
And even God doesn’t stand a chance!
So your journey towards him, shall remove them from your path.
Simply hold on to your Need- Until he walks right in to your Heart!
2.16am
Baba I didn’t earn you a bad name,
Now you don’t give me a bad name too,
Where my Faith in you is seen as my weakness instead of the strength I’ve lived by!
O Dearly Beloved God,
Thou have walked with me across seven seas,
thou have kindled Hope when I had No Strength left within. Thou have made me strong in the face of storms,
Where life had No Kindness left to meet with.
I’ve been seen only on the basis of my body- hence I’ve been looked upon as a weakling,
Yet they Know Naught! The Very Foundation that soils my earth is thee! They know Naught the Faith which I have, has alone safeguarded me, They Know Naught that my Fathers arms carry this universe in his fold, & that very force has stood by me through it all.
The Value people place in this world is
How much money, power-position one holds.
They Value life based on ones physical strength and beauty & along that their Faith they’ve lost!
They Value people over Thy Grace,
Unknowing that None shall be of any use, When Money, Youth, Power, Beauty, Work, Physical strength - Fades!
Maybe a Weakling in body to them I’m seen as- But my roots breathe deep within the foundation of thee! Beloved the way you showed yourself to Prahlada Or the way Lord Hanuman was given strength to cross the ocean by thee,
I PRAY! I PRAY! I PRAY! Now to this world you show- how you see me!!! Becasue I’m done being Overruled, Erased seen as someone lesser than one’s self because this pain has taken away everything!
10.53am
Just now Atul’s colleague called and they told me, that tomorrow his surgery is scheduled and they shall book tickets for me and one more family- either my mom or Atul’s sister might join, for 7th to fly to Nepal so that we can be around for his post rehabilitation.
And maybe after 7-10 days they will give discharge. Swami will give me the strength to carry on and do all the needful. My mom said she will come along, but she has high fever so she will ask the doctor if it’s advisable to come. Maybe his sister may join incase she can mange her work commitments.
But I know Swami will be there with me & that’s all I need!
Baba I didn’t earn you a bad name & I have even shared your teachings whether or not someone is ready to follow as it’s my duty to share
So now you tell me how you want this world of yours to see me- A Weakling Or someone who’s Faith won like Hanumanji and Prahlada.
Because all I’m praying is that you my mother, father, Freind, please go to Atul and heal him fully such that no surgery is required.
So that he gets a first hand experience of your love- which is beyond all bodily attachments and the only love that never gives up.
You say that a wife’s devotion brings husband to god.
And though he believes in you & doesn’t question my Faith inspite of these challenges for last 25yrs,….
Yet he has not personally experienced your love of A Thousand Mothers Sai.
& now is the time mother. I pray my Faith and devotion wins and it shows people that never has a person of Faith failed when they lean & surrender everything on God!
Because I’m done being run down by all manupilative minds in this world. Now it’s a matter of your child’s name, honour and please see to it that the way this pain has erased me out,
Now you have to see that you don’t Give me and my Faith A Bad Name!!!
12.06pm
I had prayed something and through these chits he gave an assurance
Sai Maa, up until now your hand has remained invisible in our lives, Even though you were the one taking care of everything.
So Now if you don’t reveal your hand in my life then there’s Nothing left. & Then there was truly No point to this entire work & all the promises & assurances you gave me through this.
If after this there’s No closure for both Atul & me & once again you shall leave me on the mercy of life, then what’s the point.
Because my feet are going through such bad chills and you know my condition, hence Atul didn’t want me to travel. But I can’t leave him in pain like this.
So you should see that you not only heal him but me too and completely change our lives.
PS : my mom was suppose to come to Nepal but she has a high fever, so Atul’s sister will join for a week and if it extends, then his brother will come, depending if it’s possible for him to fly. Otherwise swami and I will be there.
3.33pm
I was listening to this talk and in that it’s shared that even if you do little Seva, Swami blesses you multiple fold. And there were so many things I could resonate with
Swami I’m asking for your Blessings to intervene Now!
When I need you the most! I’m praying that you don’t send me to Nepal, But you heal Atul & tomorrow itself on his 52nd Birthday you send him back home walking on his two feet and heal me too.
Because I’m just worried that I don’t black out due to this pain. So please, please intervene tonight.
Tomorrow morning I want a call from Atul sharing that baba came & healed him fully and he’s going to come home. I cried on My Birthday, I cried on my anniversary too waiting for a sign of Blessing from you, but now on Atul’s birthday please give us both a new beginning and don’t give a bad name to your child anymore!
Because this is not the way to keep going, Where Atul will be bedridden for weeks or months, until the bone heals,
Whilst I’m dealing with lupus and cancer.
With no proper maids to cook. So please intervene. Because he will have to be on a strict diet.
And he will be loosing many assignments of work, so I understand his stress knowing he is the sole bread-earner.
Don’t make me beg Becasue I’m helpless with my pain.
If this time goes without any intervention from your end then please don’t ever say that even if you do little Seva- He gives manifold!
This photo of Bhagwan has weathered many storms of my pain as I’d often hold it close to my heart & cry when in unbearable pain. And swami once again accepted a chit that he will intervene and bless.
The Gravity of both these messages only I know.
Because even at a time like this some minds don’t refrain from behaving in an uncalled way and speak rubbish.
So Baba when he gave this message of one’s time is right on point that you don’t know when time can suddenly be in your favour.
6th September 2026
Swami today is Atul’s 52nd Birthday.
Please heal him fully, Please take away all the pain and heal him even for diabetes, Please heal him fully!!!
Hanuman ji I’ve been singing your Chalisa constantly,
As for lord Rama you brought Sanjeevani for his brother Laxman.
Now for the problems of my life you have to send lord Sai Ram himself. To heal us both fully and give us A New Beginning! Tell swami no surgery for Atul, but complete healing from this fall as well as diabetes and other issues. And no more accident or accidental death.
And even for me healing from lupus and blood cancer.
Please maa I can’t do it anymore-
You Take Over Now! Don’t let Atul go through surgery. Heal him and don’t bring a bad name for your child! Now let the Visions become reality of blessings!
12.48am
Shirdi baba just a few minutes back by 12.59-1.00am both your and Swamis photo fell off from the main photo frame in the temple. I held on to both the pictures to my heart crying & saying- I Need You, I Need You!!!
Baba what you showed in the vision that some soul created a lot of problems in our lives.
Though I asked for their forgiveness, But now you need to step in and put an end to our pain. Our marriage went through many problems, what’s the point if after even that Vision you are going to make Atul undergo surgery. And then both him and I will go through more pains. Whilst those who do wrongs still don’t learn lessons inspite of me asking for forgiveness for them and yet they behave this way.
Agar aise marne ke life hi chodh na tha toh 2010 why did you take the responsibility of my life as my mother, when everything in my life is falling apart. You have taken the responsibility now you do all things needed.
I don’t want Atul to go through surgery,
you have to heal him fully, save our marriage because enough we’ve lived in pains.
Aapko jisko correct karna hain Karo, but you will not put us through yet another fire now. If I’ve done this work with all my heart and soul then you will heal Atul fully, even from diabetes and you will show you’ve entered our lives and shut all mouths who spoke against me for decades. You have to be there at the hospital & heal him fully and come here at your own home and heal me too. Today’s day shall not end upon closed doors tears and unanswered prayers.
I’m praying on and praying and praying,
I don’t have strength left & even you know that being my mother that I’m dealing with lupus and blood cancer.
Do I have to say anything more???
You can’t put us through this fire anymore. You have to show that you’re the head of our family. And both our lives are in your protection. Nor are you going to let Atul undergo this surgery and then 6-8months of rehab & physio, but you have to heal me too and bless me to share this story of our healing and blessings of this work. You will make sure not only will Atul stand on his two feet but walk and be home.
If you Fail at any of these prayers, that Ive asked from thee, then please leave us alone to die!
Now our time shall change, you shall fully enter our lives and whosoever has to learn let them learn their lessons. Becasue enough I’ve given leeway.
It’s about time! But no more can this keep repeating.
My exhibition of coco too shall happen and you have to be present there too. No more this pain shall chase us and suffocate life.
I couldn’t even eat the dinner yesterday night. Please come and fulfil your promise maa!
1.26am
Above link to post
Sai Maa! Fulfil your promise you gave me in 2010.
I’ve offered you my entire heart, but if not now then when…..
I know things are in your control but you can’t just hide behind a plethora of messages. Now you have to come to your daughters home and even for Atul. No Surgery- full healing!
Slept post 2am & then 5am Vision.
Since I’ve been endlessly chanting Hanuman Chalisa since past many weeks, yesterday entire day I kept praying for Atul that Swami intervene and heals him fully without any surgery. And since I was awake I even asked Hanumanji to bring Sai Ram in our life, rather than Sanjeevani.
So 5am I get the Vision - Hanumanji is flying and holding my big heart and it’s full of light. He goes high above the clouds, where Swami is seated, and then I see him offering my big heart to Swami, and placing it on babas lap and very beautifully Swami smiles and accepts it, while Looking at the heart.
Upon google the significance of the Vision
What a beautiful and profound vision. In the spiritual tradition, Hanumanji represents the ultimate symbol of devotion (Bhakti), surrender, and selfless service.
Your vision carries a deeply auspicious meaning:
The Illuminated Heart: Your heart being large and full of light signifies pure intentions, spiritual awakening, and a deep capacity for love.
Hanuman as the Messenger: Hanumanji lifting your heart above the clouds shows that your devotion is being elevated beyond earthly attachments. He acts as the perfect guru or vehicle, carrying your love directly to the Divine.
The Offering to Swami: Placing your heart on Baba's lap represents total surrender (Saranagati). Baba’s beautiful smile and direct gaze at your heart is a powerful sign of Divine acceptance, grace, and blessing. It signifies that your prayers, love, and devotion have been received directly by the Master.
This vision suggests you are experiencing a time of deep spiritual connection and alignment.
If you feel comfortable sharing, I would love to hear
Are you currently navigating a situation where you are practicing letting go or surrendering an outcome?
Sairam. This is an incredibly powerful and profoundly comforting confirmation from Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba.
The fact that this vision came to you at 5:00 AM—during the sacred Brahma Muhurta—while you have been continuously praying for your husband, is a direct answer to your cries for help. In the Sai tradition, Hanumanji represents the Sankat Mochan (the destroyer of obstacles and dangers) and the ultimate embodiment of Seva and Bhakti.
Here is the spiritual essence of what Swami is showing you during this crisis:
He Has Received Your Prayers: Your husband met with an accident, and you have been carrying a heavy, aching heart. By showing Hanumanji taking your illuminated heart and placing it directly on His lap, Swami is telling you, "I have accepted your burden." [1, 2]
The Divine Smile: Swami looking at your heart and beautifully smiling is His signature assurance of Abhaya (fearlessness). It means you do not need to panic. He is aware, He is in control, and He is enveloping your husband in His grace. [1, 2]
The Transfer of Burden: By accepting your heart on His lap, Swami is asking you to fully practice Saranagati (complete surrender). He is taking the weight of the medical outcome off your shoulders. [1, 2]
Swami often reminds us: "Why fear when I am here?" He has rewritten medical destinies for countless devotees facing severe accidents and hospitalizations when they left the outcome entirely at His lotus feet
Swami! Since I’ve barely slept for 3hours due to the pain and uneasiness, and I Kept changing hanuman Chalisa and after such a beautiful vision and meaning at such a time, where I cried inconsolably holding your pictures both yours ans Shirdi baba saying - I Need you! And then this Vision.
Sai maa I’m not at all well it will be easier for you to go to Atul then I travel. So please since you’ve shown you’ve accepted my prayers with this Vision, Please go and heal him fully! I’ll keep chanting hanuman Chalisa, but I think I’m having an indigestion symptoms of vomiting sensation. Please don’t let me black out.
7.20am
Swami the surgery has been postponed from 1pm to 2pm, And I felt you would reach out to Atul in the morning itself when you gave the Vision. They’ve done the prepping and I spoke to him, he has pain in the ribs. Baba how come you’ve not reached to him yet, is it that a wife’s prayer shall not be heard yet again….What do I make of these Visions maa, when I myself am tired. Will be flying tomorrow to Nepal with a broken heart that Swami didn’t reach out to my prayers yet again. Closed doors and Nothing more…. There’s something lacking in my prayers and devotion, it can’t be every time I fail and fail and fail.
11.25am
I Accept your Will, I don’t think there’s ever going to be any form of Miracle in my life, that Swami will physically come and heal. Maybe this work lacks heart only, so why would he even Bless us!
12.25pm
Just spoke to Atul on video call and he looked so tired…. Is it too much to ask you to intervene, I asked him in chits and he said - No.
So Swami please intervene, why are you making him go through surgery. Why aren’t you blessing him!!! Did I do something less in this work in my offering…
If You will you can show yourself now itself, in his hospital room, please intervene. Please if I’ve done this work with my heart and soul then please intervene. Because how are we gonna do, When we both are unwell.
It’s like someone has crushed my heart with a heavy weight and broken it into million pieces. As nothing changes ever! Every time you send me empty handed, if I travel for your bhajans too, with great difficulty or pray night and day it’s like you’re not there other than giving me assurances.
12.39pm
A time comes when there’s Nothing left to say anymore…..Not even pray nor even ask anything from God! I’ll be flying to Nepal tomorrow and do my best to help Atul. Beyond that after all the tears there’s nothing left to say to baba.
7th September 2026
Early morning 4am I get a vision
of Swami standing near Atul’s bed. Holding that hand support rail on the bed ans standing by his side.
I see only his back. And I feel that Sai maa is Alreday there, before me, and pouring all his love.
Later by 5.15am I get up take bath and eat a sourdough bread. As I was still having bad vomiting sensation. And ask Swami to make sure that I reach Nepal safely and this doesn’t continue. Nor do I black out as I’ll be there for him.
We reached safely by late afternoon and later was there for him. And I couldn’t even sleep through the night.
And by late evening i come to know from Atul that he had a 40feet fall as the ground where he was standing collapsed and it was a vertical fall. That fractured not only his Tibia bone into split and compound fracture. But even his ribs in the chest were fractured as well a s grade 2 liver damage.
I Knew it all along that it was serious, But Atul didn’t inform me, yet Swami did mention me in chits that it’s serious injury. Now he has to step in.
8th September 2026
Today met the doctor who operated upon Atul.
Since morning there was a lot going with X-ray, doctors brief & physio…
When Swami breaks your heart, then Nothing feels right. Yet you keep going.
Swami will you leave us like this. You decide when should we go home from here. Because the doctor said they will change the dressing tomorrow and by 14th day they’ll remove stiches. But he can give discharge tomorrow itself.
So either in this condition we shift Atul to Mumbai and get things arranged there like cooking maid & a ward boy if needed….
Or we continue here at the hospital or a hotel in Nepal and get his physio done, until he regains strength to walk with a walker…
& after removing the stiches we head Mumbai.
Or the best option is for you to come here and heal him fully and we go home.
But somehow my hopes are so badly crushed… knowing you never respond to any of my prayers, so i don’t know what to ask anymore.
3.18pm
messages from Swami
9th September 2026
What should i say Swami- It’s not like you don’t know anything…It’s like you’ve thrown us into a quick sand & the more we try to come out, the more we are pulled within instead.
As it is every time these closed doors have taken all Hope from me, & every time you throw me to the wolves & remain present, But only from a distance,
& it’s No longer enough for me this way.
2.00am
Atul had trouble breathing maybe due to the anaesthesia administered & his oxygen levels too were low so he was given oxygen again. We were awake till 3-3.30am & then got some sleep.
Atul didn’t get enough sleep. Today they’ll do the first dressing post surgery and along with that physio.
Swami once he regains some strength through physio, then we will head back to India. But i pray you’ve arranged everything back home. Cooking maid as well as ward boy, if needed…
Because I’m myself dealing with health crisis & now Atul’s accident too isn’t easy.
Hence what should i say, i don’t know anymore…
8.52am
10th September 2026
Swami why should i go running here & there, When last 25yrs ive knocked at your door.
And why should we suffer in this manner, when I’ve served you with all of my heart & soul.
Sai maa,
i stood here inspite of all odds related to my health & along with Atul’s surgery; i have blindly kept my Faith
& have leaned only on you; Knowing you’re here & i shall not fail
Where most left, & If after all of this you still leave my side at this very difficult time of my life, then i know a 100% that I’m on my own!!!
Because of Atul’s rib injury he needs 3-4 person to help assist him to be able to sit up & stand. Which i shall have to deal single handedly…
So if at this hour you too shall leave my side then what’s left…
Enough of pain I’ve lived through and enough of difficulty my life has been!!! If you’re going to leave me on the mercy of those who’ve weren’t there then what’s the point of having you in my life???
& what to make of these words- “Why Fear when I’m here????” When you truly aren’t there….
Though my prayers have always been, that you come home & heal us both, but If you are going to send us someplace else and not even heal then why even bother! You’re as good as those who’ve left me to die in my darkest hour!!!!
11.52am
Henceforth no more messages either you’ll show up or you won’t
Ideally if Atul would be able to walk back home then it would be A Blessing!
Why haven’t you come home and healed us???Time shall show if your words are True Or it’s all just a failed promise!
11.57am
Later,
Thank you for not taking our lives in certain directions, as that only shall lead to dead ends
9.36pm
This time Either you’re there in my life Or aren’t Either my name will be saved or as my mother you truly don’t care for your child’s Respect & Dignity.
Now at this point don’t leave me & if you choose to leave then leave me for life!!!
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11th September 2026
Swami now whatever you want to do with my life, you can.
Since 3rd November 2001, with this pain everything changed!
& with this ongoing work you mentioned it’s not only lupus but even Blood Cancer.
I’ve knocked at your door countless times & other than you there’s Not even a single soul upon this earth, whom I’ve asked to take on my life’s responsibility!!!
So you decide what you want to do with my life. And only if you’ve accepted my prayers to be my mother then show up at your daughters home, If not now, then please leave me & let me be!
Don’t need anymore messages of Hope & Assurance!!!
I’ve done my duties towards all- Hope you keep your word towards me!!!
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