Heart of God (continue chapter 11)
- Jun 18
- 52 min read
Updated: Jul 5
18th June 2026
Yesterday I was questioned for my Belief.
That how can it even be Blood Cancer. When you’ve not done any test.
Nor does CBC show anything except in one report it showed low platelets and high lymphocytes that can be ruled out as passing infection.
Even earlier, when I had shared this vision,
I was overruled on the same grounds by someone and even so Baba- Saying it’s only A Vision & that can’t be equivalent to a scientific diagnosis
So today I asked him, he Needs to Intervene to deal with this issue.
For when tomorrow, he shall ask me to share this work, these few handful, who now question my Faith, Shall be joined in by more.
Above link to talk
Swamis synchronicity of sending a talk, that co-relates with what one is going through at that exact moment in their life, still amazes me.
As on a random, I was listening to this talk, where it was shared in similar context- That when something is not seen it’s questioned & hence it’s not Believed like God. That there are millions of things in this Universe that are not seen, but One has to Trust & Accept.
Because in the end Universal Will prevails & individual will can’t stand in its place.
This is how much Baba is with me, that even if my physical pain largely remains unseen,
But ultimately His Will Shall Prevail to see to it;
My Faith in him isn’t Overruled.
So in No Way, do I wish to subject myself to a bone marrow biopsy just to prove this Truth, because I’ve lived enough of this pain for 25+ yrs now.
And my body can’t take anymore of this stress.
I know it’s Blood Cancer because of the way I’ve lost weight, the swollen lymph nodes upon my throat & inner thigh and many more criteria’s that checks the box.
But more than any criteria, I Believe Him!!!
So I know that he shall see to it that I’m not over-ruled, Because In fact it’s No longer me,
“But He who’s being Overruled”.
Hence I’ve asked him to intervene. And Deal with the issue way ahead of a time when this all is only seen by doubtful eyes & therein looses the Blessings that Swami showered upon this work.
Because Gods ways are Silent & from heart,
& those troubled by their minds are blinded and unable to see Truth!
So today I’ve offered all of my life problems at his feet. Because if he doesn’t show up, then let this work in my Silent Faith be buried, Because when God is Overruled this way, then there’s no Chance for someone like me.
And apart from this work, I’m genuinely tired of being questioned- First it was lupus where medical science wasn’t that advanced to diagnose and 26yrs of lupus led me to Blood Cancer, as there is no medication to cure lupus yet, other than taking immunosuppressant’s that too only creates more damage.
And Now with this Cancer, I’m again questioned.
So please intervene, So that I don’t have to go through such acid test time and again,
Where I’m going through utmost physical pain,
Yet No one agrees because your Grace has kept me “to appear”, in a certain way.
Even though I go through hell & to add to that,
this mental agony of being questioned for a pain that’s deliberating, Yet invisible.
Except that lately this fatigued due to pulling down this way, almost 7kgs without even doing any form of exercise. With days gone by, not even being able to go for a walk is quiet evident.
Since it’s lupus & Blood Cancer as mentioned by you, then as my medical doctor- Swami, Reveal this Truth- & it has to be more than A Vision.
12.51pm
Above link to the bhajan- Hey Shesha shayana Narayana, meaning the lord Narayana who reclines on Adi Shesha. As this entire work started with Adi Shesha entering my life. So please come & save me my lord.
Let the Ground upon which I stood for long Reveal itself,
Let those who’ve lost their Hearts to Doubts in Faith be held, Let My Fathers Love be shared- That not even for a split-second, did he forsaken me. And Let My Faith Alone be Reminder for all wearied- Of The Love with which, Through Greatest of storms, My Father in his Embrace has me held! For Now my Prayers are Answered,
& my burden has been lifted & Simply by His Will,
I am Saved!
9.18pm
19th June 2026
Above link to post, where baba is mentioning theres No Free Will.
The Divine Baker had said that he puts his hand in the ovens of life, So that the bread doesn’t get burnt, not even waiting to grab the bakers peel,
he simply puts his hands in the fires to flip the dough, so that the fires of life, don’t turn the bread bitter; that’s how much he loves us
And yet he has left me here to be burnt,
Just as these last 26yrs; Where my Belief & Faith were questioned,
And once again, he left me stranded in these battles of life, Where everyone has time & again Questioned my Faith in him.
The Divine baker couldn’t even fulfil his own promise. And the bread is burnt & its Faith is no longer consumable to any.
This Offering has turned bitter, Because the divine baker left me in these fires; Where I’m questioned for my integrity.
Then Who’s going to Believe of my Faith???
When he as such doesn’t even give a sign,
that my heart is that of a child- Simple, Sweet
& My Faith has moved him….
Who’s gonna believe that every bit in this work- Has come from God-Him,
& every single word is Nothing but him!
Because he failed to even reach out and give the sign- That the words “you have Blood Cancer, along with the Vision”, has come from None but him.
Yet, He’s Left my heart stranded at a table where doubters of minds, Only argue, dispute & fight to win.
No doubt he didn’t come to consume this bread, because he didn’t find my Faith in him Sweet-enough.
& Here he’s left me, & let me get burnt in this life, where everything has fallen apart and Finished.
Swami you didn’t keep your word, you didn’t keep your promise. You’ve yet again left me in these acid fires to be burnt down and now within me everything is Finished!!!
In this battle of Kurukshetra, Sai-Krishna is my Sarathi, Yet I’m questioned…
For though Swami chooses to be my Sarathi, yet he remains “Silent & anonymous”, leaving me overruled & doubted for my Faith
And none can win any battle in life,
When Swami Chooses to Remain Silent Or fails to show up- That He All Along, was the Sarathi,
But now, he chooses to embark the chariot first- leaving me to burn in the fires of arrows that question my Faith in him
9.54am
I Accept your Will to leave me burning on this chariot of life & fires of pain; that has stripped me down to my heart, health, relations, work, respect, dignity,
& then even letting my heart & it’s belief too get burnt in it, Because he chose, Not to reveal- All along he’s my Sarathi. And that these Visions & messages have only come from him.
Hence I offer these ashes of this burnt heart to you as my last offering of Faith,
So that it shall not be served to those,
Who only know to doubt & dissect the heart.
Now, Let the heart be burnt fully and then let the ashes of my love, belief & Faith too be offered unto thee.
Because if the teacher doesn’t have Faith in the Faith of its student, then No Offering can ever be good enough!!!
Today, I’ve not been Overruled by the world,
But, You’ve Overruled My Faith, belief & my heart and hence I have fallen from this life such that,
Never shall I have any ground to stand upon. Because Now the Ground on which I stood in belief, too has forsaken me.
This is why it’s Always about you & Him.
Because it is He who Accepts,
& It is He, Who Rejects,
It is He, Who Heals, & It is He, Who in your pain lets you be!
It is He, Who comforts, & It is He, Who walks out,
It is He, Who yells & scolds, It is He, Who wipes your tears to blossom your soul.
It is He, Who speaks to those who’ve lost the ways of their hearts, to the ways of their Minds,
& it is He, Who even gives them Time of lifetimes to get back to their heart & not loose Faith in his word.
It is He, Who’s Burnt down my Heart into ashes
& Now It is Him alone, Who with it is adorned.
For there was None but Him for me, And if today he has walked out & shaken the ground upon the Belief I stood by, Then this Fall from this life too is for Him!!! I Accept Thy Every Will Beloved Swami! Now that my Heart is Burnt too, I Am Nothing!!!!
11.20am
Check when life hurts you; does this hurt turn into hatred, then there was anger & hatred inside of you,
And if this hurt surfaced from within- A Love;
Even for those who hurt you,
Then there is God within you.
When God hurts you such, he only does so to see, What’s within your heart- hatred, anger & pain,
Or God!
11.25am
That is why Everything in life is between you and him. Because either you’re Free in your love towards him Or bound in hatred for all the hurt, he send your way.
I’ve offered the ashes of this burnt heart of mine at your lotus feet, O Shiva, My Bhole Baba,
Please adorn your body, with this soot of my love Because the sole reason why my heart beats,
Is to live for him & die for him
& Only belongs to Him!
11.34am
Now everything is offered to him. Later immediately this message
Am sharing a beautiful painting of this artist, felt Shirdi baba came to me as this Dwarka Mai pose, as the pose is said to take away all your pain & sorrows.
Why haven’t….Why haven’t you come….Are the ashes of my heart too not enough…Hasn’t my beloved’s heart not melt yet…are my tears not enough to quench thy thirst, Beloved why have you forsaken me, Why have you abandoned me….Where can I go & to whom shall I call my home, When you have Not shown that you stand by me.
You say there’s a reason for Unanswered prayers, which I may Never Understand….Nor do i wish to, Because now these tears know nothing, but simply weep & weep, asking why haven’t thou come yet???
Who’s anymore looking for any answers, When all that I’m longing is for your arrival at my very door step.
Beloved with this burnt heart this shell of a body is of no use. And the minds thinking has been swallowed long back.
But these eyes know nothing but to weep,
So, pluck them too, because if thou don’t come, then let me die, while painting this painting of Prayer & Longing.
For what better way to die, then to long for God, So upon the last breath & the last brush stroke; This soul shall be carried by this very lord!!
Who waited till it merged into him as his very own.
For then you can’t escape my hearts call.
For then, You sure can’t escape my hearts call.
4.40pm
The painting got done by 6.30pm & with it, He should have come with A Sign for not even that it is
Blood Cancer but even signs of Healing. And with the last stroke of brush, tears simply rolled down in deep agony, that Truly he’s left me in these fires to die all by myself. Sure this work shall remain in the Silence of my heart now, because I’ve been overruled by Sai himself.
7.10pm
Above link to post- Gayatri maa, you said you’d come to my home. Lots of Promises given,
But None kept…
It is Over! When he chooses to leave you, It’s All Over!!!
Baba, Not simply fallen apart, It’s All Over, because you’ve Chosen to remain Silent all along.
20th June 2026
Above link to post that only God is your True Freind
Later heartbroken, I barely slept for 3hours & then I poured out my pain to him-
Baba, I believed in these messages & held on to them as my life, I kept Hoping against Hope even though every thing has fallen apart in my life, You’ve tested my Faith for long,
Where it’s been one way journey now,
As I walk in Hope, But every time you meet me with a Closed door.
You infuse Hope, for 26yrs you’ve been doing that, All is left because Nothing ever gets Changed.
I have prayed, I have shed tears, I have painted and imbibed your teachings and walked the way you’ve shown.
Yet it feels, you Never showed up, & let my life fall bit by bit- By remaining Silent!
The heaviness upon my chest makes me feel it is better to die, then to live this way- Where there’s No Sai! You say, you alone are my True Freind, then why haven’t you come, Why have you left….
Everything is in shambles & you alone know my pain. Yet you intervene naught- No matter how deep my call is, No matter my years of Prayers! Today this pain has stripped me down of everything,
Yet I keep hoping against Hope and believing in thy messages,
I show you My Faith amidst a life that’s literally Over!
like most, you too have left, then please remain Silent & I shall know for sure then- you aren’t here.
Because I’m tired getting my heart-broken, if by tomorrow 21st June you still choose to remain Silent, and not intervene upon my prayers, Then I shall know- you have abandoned me long back,
it was just me trusting, hoping and believing thy word to be Truth. Then all those who’ve questioned my belief shall laugh, For here is this devotee- Who has been failed by its God!
You said you shall intervene by tomorrow.
So I’ll Hope for one more day….But then if I fail,
it’s only so because you failed to keep your promises yet again.
8.01am
Baba just now I placed these two chits on the picture frame of Shiva-Shakti, & I checked the time after I placed - 8.10am
& as I was noting here, what I had written on the chits -
if you have kept your….
And even before I could Finish the sentence,
I heard one of the chits had fallen.
And when I checked, the chit had fallen right upon Shirdi babas coin.
So even before I opened to see what his answer was, I took a picture for recording this experience
For it was like in an instance, just within few seconds of my placing the chit on the photo-frame, he had answered.
I was quiet & touched that he reached out this soon to my inner troubles & call.
And the answer he chose was-
he shall intervene tomorrow itself being 21st June 2026 and Everything will Change in my favour.
Be it that he has to give a sign regarding this blood cancer and lupus & even the difficulties we have had due to this pain. He shall no longer be a silent witness, to allow wrongs.
That he shall make every wrong- Right in my life.
& everything will change in my favour.
Only because he shall keep his promises & no longer remain a silent witness.
8.19am
I’m still breathing hard, because I’ve been so tired to go on this way, with weeks and months of tears….and decades of this wait.
in the other chit it was mentioned that if he still chooses to remain silent by tomorrow then I shall take it as a sign- that he has Abandoned me long back. And left me to die this way.
Where everything has been taken away.
But he didn’t…But he didn’t….He came through with the Blessings Alreday, even before tomorrow comes, When by his intervention he shall reveal how he’s Alreday Changed my life’s trajectory, by sending his Blessings, through this chit- today itself for me.
Thank you for Acknowledging my hearts Faith & Belief. None can fathom the gravity of my situation but you and None shall know the impact of this H2h; the way you reached out to me,
so that there’s A Respite of Grace;
As for long I’ve been struggling to breathe.
Now my life shall not be a mere survival from this point on- Now he shall truly make me live
a life of honour, respect, love & being met by a heart that’s him.
9.45am
Now you step in, step in for everything in my life, that I have asked & Step in even for things I must have forgotten to ask. My hearts Purity maybe unseen by all, but this heart of a child is known to thou….
Step in because I can’t take it anymore, Nor can I handle anything in my life.
I’m tired and can’t go on this way.
Please step in and make the way to show- what was written in the chit- that life shall go in my favour because when you do Gods work,
then God does yours, by taking care of everything that’s become too much to bear and is weighing your spirit down such that you only wish for death.
So, Please Step in Baba!!!
12.15pm
For some reason, There was this deep longing that I merge in him, tired of everything in my life. And all along while painting Gayatri maa, I was listening to this beautiful Satsang. Above link
Swami if for some reason you don’t step in by tomorrow as promised to relieve me off from all these pains of life that have come upon me, then whilst painting this Gayatri Maa painting as well as chanting the Gayatri mantra, even though she’s become my breath.
All that i ask of you is Swallow me whole, this heart is yours, let the body mind be swallowed in thy light. And let all my prayers die into this mergence of my soul with you.
Because as it is for someone like me, this world ceased to exist long back. So please Swallow me whole into thy Heart and that’s all I ask for.
2.52pm
The painting even though is ongoing,
is Already complete in my heart,
For Gayatri maa is not separate anymore….
& With this Prayer and tears….Swallow me whole now & let this body turn into ash that can be mixed with Coco’s ashes & mind is finished by the swallowing in thy light.
So that the soul returns home to you & coco.
My life’s Painting is Finished!!!
3.06pm
The Gayatri maa painting got finished by late evening and luckily I didn’t loose the light to take a picture to be included here.
And even listening to the above satsang too was touching, because of the longing in my heart for him & Mother Shabaris longing had struck a chord, because I had asked him, Pls touch me & let my soul merge in thee. Mother you had given a Vision, way before this work began that you’ll come to my house, you’ll come to my heart, But today my heart is so broken like there’s nothing left to go on. You waited long to come…
Above link to post
And as soon as the Gayatri maa painting got done, the very first post to come on my feed was this with a beautiful song- that this earth is yours, this Sky is yours, O Merciful one, Please shower your mercy upon me.
Because if you don’t- then I’m Finished!!!
7.39pm
Once again Unfailingly His messages of Assurance.
21st June 2026
Today My Beloved shall come…
Today he Shall Fulfill All His Promises….
Today He Shall Heal All that’s Broken…
And by his coming alone, He shall bring All Auspiciousness into Our life’s & this household shall be touched by His Grace, Presence, Abundance, & Peace. Because yesterday My Beloved gave His Word & His Words Alone is Everything!!!
11.05am
Aao Aao Nandalala, Sundar Shyam Gopala,
Tum ho, Banasi Dhari Shyama,
Ayodhya pati sitarama,
Parthi baba Karuna Nidan
Makhan chora Yashodha Bala.
Aao Aao Nanadalala.
Baba as I said other than my heart I have nothing to offer thou. Please Come & Accept my Love! 11.07am.
Since morning Baba inspired I should paint 2 paintings of him as Krishna. As Sai Krishna & one of the paintings is about Swami materialising this Krishna Statue on the sands of Dwarka, which he gave to Rajmata. Because when he asked the devotees seated there, what do they see, they said- Golden Krishna idol & Rajmata alone said- this is my Kanhaiya. So he gave her the idol, because she saw Krishna in it to be worshipped
And as I was painting this prayer, all along these words- Aao Aao Nanadalala, on my tongue kept playing as my hearts sole singing, as though on an automated mode, filled with yearning & longing
O Krishna- Nandalala please come.
Though Swami was seated on the sands of Dwarka in the picture, but here, in this painting,
I’ve made him sit on a field, by night hour, because I told him, Shesha Sai too was hidden somewhere in the field, and it was night hour, with only insects sounds humming, when you gave me the Vision at the very beginning of this work, that you’ve send your Adishesha to help me find my jeep, “metaphorically- to help me come out from this life of pain”, that has grounded me for 26yrs & he’s come to help me give back my mobility.
So Swami the reason for me painting you in a field at night hour, is because this darkness has been in my life for way too long now.
You sent your Adishesha to help find the jeep, to pull me out from this life of sinking pain,
But now you yourself have to come, For Only you can Finish what you’ve started.
So I’ve painted you in this darkness of my life, because Sai Krishna, Sai Narayana alone can Save me, & Heal us both & give us A new Beginning with you.
Swami Only you can Finish what you’ve started.
& do you see the Sky- I’ve painted my stars of Hope, that today’s days shall not go by,
without you revealing that I not only have lupus but even Blood Cancer & this work & all Visions in it have come only from you.
Now I’ll start the second Sai-Krishna painting.
And upon finishing this prayer of 2 paintings,
My Swami shall come, for Only God Knows the Faith & Heart of his Child.
7.22pm
Tuned in to this satsang while painting and many beautiful experiences were shared, of how God is our Only True Companion.
Though the second painting is in process,
yet there’s No Sign from you. And it’s already 9.27pm
Upon finishing the painting……
Baba didn’t come, Nor any signs from him.
The second painting of Sai Krishna got finished by 12am.
But since I painted under tube light as I only started painting today, post 7.30pm, So it’s very difficult to understand the colour value. Which only tomorrow in the Sun light will I understand.
But, Swami didn’t give any clear signs for lupus, Blood-Cancer, that the visions and this work is all him.
Even though that’s the Truth- But who’s gonna Believe, Hence no point sharing this work with anyone. Because I’m done being scrutinised & Judged.
As it is other than God, Who can know your Heart!
& he failed his promise of yesterday; to intervene today….
As well as this assurance- When you do Gods work, then God takes care of your problems.
Frankly speaking everything has fallen apart in my life…So what’s the point to anything.
When he’s not come….
He left……it’s Over Now!!!
I Hope I leave too,Because there’s Nothing left to continue, When God himself has Overruled & Abandoned you!!!
12.06am
& for some reason, even though Heart-Broken,
My Heart is still singing- Aao Aao Nandalala,
Sundar Shyam Gopala….
22nd June 2026
Upon waking the first words to comes from my Heart are-
Aao Aao Nandalala, Sundar Shyam Gopala….
& it’s only because through the night my heart kept calling him….
You brought me to this point of being completely Finished in all ways.
Now you Alone are answerable for failings of my life.
You’ve Chosen to remain Silent,
Once again your promise, given on the 20th with the chit blessing, too didn’t get fulfilled.
And with that very failure to keep your word-
“You have abandoned me, Sai”,
You left leaving me dying in these fires of life. Because you only choose to remain Silent-
Hence who’s gonna believe your Child!
Even the Divine baker fled, When the heat of life’s pain, gets too much to bear.
1.44am
All I Know is that There’s No Authority Over you- None, Be it humans, Nor even planets,
as people in Faith of astrology believe in.
But I always believed You are the Only Authoritative power, Who can Change Destinies.
There’s No Authority over you, So if you’ve brought me to this place of such downfalls in my life & living in helpless pains that have no answer, no cure…
Then the One Who left me- truly,
Has the Authority to Open the door….
& Not only do you have to enter into our lives,
But in One sweeping motion put an end to this misery once & for all.
Because There is None who has Authority over you Sai.
My condition has weakened. Weight loss is obvious inspite of zero walk or any physical activity.
& Inspite of intaking Zero Cola through the day,
due to lack of energy because of Blood Cancer & a constant Vomiting sensation, that leaves me feeling fuller, that I don’t even feel like eating anything.
You know it all & even beyond this,
You Alone know the impact with Cancer.
But your Grace is still keeping me here….
inspite of you not keeping your end of promise.
If everything has fallen apart it’s only because you have willed it so! And if from this slow-death of pain, Any life should bloom…
Then it should boom to reveal Thy Grace & Love!
Because there’s No Authority Above you Baba!!! Your failed promises too are you!!!
So Now Finish what you’ve started!!!
Or at least in your Immense Grace Finish me. Because what’s the point to have a life without you- O Sai!
9.54am
I Shall finish the second Sai-Krishna painting as the colours are lacking intensity, when seen in the day
& My heart still hasn’t stooped calling him.
Aao Aao Nandalala, Sundar Shyam Gopala, Tumhi ho Banasi dhari Shyama, Ayodhya pati Sitarama, Parthi baba Karuna Nidan, Makhan Chora Yashodha Bala….Aao Aao Nandalala…
11.35am
This painting just got finished…
It’s Painted Pink, to express the Sweetness that Sai-Krishna imparts with His very being. And now only Narayana, This Sai Krishna can impart Sweetness into my life that’s turned wearied & bitter with this pain.
Now Swami has to Finish what he started.
Because Adishesha’s task can only be complete; By The Grace of this Sai-Vishnu,
Sai Krishna alone!
4.45pm
This is the point when the devotee has handed everything to the lord!
Above link to post,
with this beautiful Bhajan that my life is in your very hands, My Lord, And you alone can save me every step of the way. My life’s boat is sinking in this Bhavasagar of life; this ocean of life, Only you can ferry it across O Boatmen, Only you can save me every step of the way.
Beloved! You’ve called yourself my Freind.
& not just any Friend, But A True Friend.
Swami, One can confide, One’s deepest feelings,
Only in a True freind.
& especially for me there’s No Truer Friend than you, Because you’re My Self!
Beloved if my tonight’s prayer,
Longing and calling touches you,
Then you shall come & with your coming, you shall Reveal The Truth!
Even in issues that I have confided only in you.
You shall uproot all that created unnecessary obstacles in my path, and do Right by me.
You shall Bless me with a life that’s peaceful, healthy and filled with your love & support.
My Friend, you shall honour and uplift my life, such that this very Pain that brought all losses, Shall Now be the Reason to Bring Thy Blessings!
& To Bring you into our lives & home, Such that all darkness & Untruth Vanish!
My Friend, if you’ve heed my prayers then come….
And by your coming, make All Wrongs- Right!
Heal us & give us both and even Coco, who you said shall come- A Blessed New Beginning!!!
Let Peace be upon us & let all illness be afraid to touch us, insulated by your healings,
For even the pain is enough now.
Bring Healings & Abundance, For it’s enough, Where Untruth reigned for long; mercilessly.
If thou shall heed my prayer then not only shall thou come & leave signs of the diagnosis- lupus & Blood Cancer given by you, but that this work is Verily “Your heart”, to be shared.
11.02pm
23rd June 2026
Above link to post
Yes through this message he showed- He knows my longing….that I’m calling him out, Yet he remains Silent….and though I couldn’t understand the song, but it was mentioned Namasmarna in the song & that’s all I’ve been doing….
But then this mother in his immense love,
reached out with this Vision below,
& that too just a few minutes to the above message he gave the Vision
A Vision.
I’m placed on Mother Gayatri’s lap, like a small baby & there’s a bright effulgence that’s emanating from her, embracing me, Sustaining me, Carrying me, Loving me & her immense Grace is keeping me to-gather in such insurmountable pains
Whilst she says these words-
Beloved!!!
On Divine Mother’s lap you’re placed…
Your Love, Your Faith is about to be rewarded in a very Big way. On Divine Mothers lap you’re placed. 3.03am
Vision ends
Yesterdays day, i was draining all through the afternoon & by night- post dinner it only worsened
There is this intense uneasiness due to pain upon my scalp & vomiting sensation is such Like I’ll die,
& I won’t make it.
I kept tuning to satsangs & bhajans, While calling out Aao Aao Sai Rama…
& then just to divert my mind- Since I may not be able to wake up early as I’m unable to get any sleep…
& it’s almost 3am, So I do the laundry…
That’s when I tell Swami, it’s good the work is done, because it feels like I won’t make it,
I’m dying…
The struggle to breathe with this pain of draining & severe nauseousness leaves me no choice. So after I switch on the washing machine,
I lay on bed & just a couple of minutes pass by moaning in pain,
That’s when i get the above Vision of Mother Gayatri & I’m placed on her lap, As she gives the Divine Assurance & Protection.
Only Swami can keep the Hope in your heart going, like a candle flame thats flickering amidst a storm, Where strong winds can rob away its light…Yet something has protected it from being extinguished & swallowed.
Similarly He’s kept life in this body,
& Hope burning inside my heart saying-
I’m there….Don’t give up now, We’ve come this far,
Walk with me. For I shall not let you Fall, Nor Fail!
3.24am
Since yesterday night I kept singing- Aao Aao Sai Rama, from Nandalala, My Heart just called out Sai Rama, because all names are One & in excruciating pain, Sai Rama just flowed easily.
Just like the oil that flows uninterrupted, that’s how I kept calling him Aao Aao Sai Rama- moaning in pain
& in utter exhaustion,
& after the above Vision, Swami again shows up
I see Swami in my inner eyes with both hands blessings saying- I’m coming, I’m coming,
Answering to my every call of - Aao Aao Sai Rama…with His Both hands Blessing,
Every single time he answers my prayerful call, saying- I’m Coming, I’m Coming!!!
3.32am
In the morning from within Swami again reaches out saying-
I’ve Come here to uplift Dharma, My Child!
You shall Not be Forsaken, Nor Abandoned by your Sai!!!
I’ve Come here to uplift dharma, My Child!
9.52am
Since he gave me Hope to go on for One more day with the Gayatri maa Vision & an assurance that He’s Coming, that’s what Coco would often do…
I wanted to paint a painting of Gratitude for Coco, Atul & Swami.
But mainly for Coco as he kept the flame of life burning within me.
As on many Occasions when I wanted to end my life. He with his Presence, Blossomed my Soul into Hope!
So this painting here is about that.
Coco,
You Truly make my dying stars “Blink”,
The Only reason I could get this far in life…
Is Because of how you’ve carried me!
Thank you as Always!!!
6.00pm
After this Painting of Gratitude towards Swami, Coco & Atul,
I told Atul that I know if at All anyone in this world can save me; then it’s None but Swami.
It’s just my firm Faith in him.
& even Inspite of the Blood Cancer diagnosis from Swami, we’ve kept it that way, that Atuls work demands him to travel on stories and he shouldn’t stop his work, as many a times he’s held himself back.
At times people around enquire, who’s with you
& I find that funny, because they enquire just to pass their time, For they sure wouldn’t stop their life to be around & help someone.
But it’s just a society’s way, where we are taught- to enquire & show concern. But life can’t be lived upon someone’s concern.
There have been these handful be it Coco, Atul & Swami who have been there. They don’t ask questions because they were there & are still here, because Coco is with me & never truly left .
This is the Faith I live by, that if Swami is sending Atul for his work, Which is largely based on travelling wherever the story takes him,
Since he’s a documentary photo-journalist,
then Swami knows what he’s doing.
And there have been so many lil-lil deaths in this pain due to lupus, when Coco was around & Now Swami has taken that place of Coco too & as the Divine Mother he’s protecting even Atul.
Atul being the sole bread earner to run this house has no choice but to walk this doubled edged sword, where he has given up work for months tending, nurturing & cooking…
I understand his helplessness that after 25yrs of lupus now Blood Cancer has come our way & he wants me to go through doctors & treatments.
While my Faith says other than Swami None can Save me. So I’ll hold on to my Faith.
For no matter what happens in one’s life,
One can’t rule-out money being the “most basic need to survive”.
Nor would you give up a life of dignity by running your home on borrowed favours.
So his Helplessness is understandable.
People who judge & dissect your life with their enquires are not truly here to help.
Because those who help are Silent,
like these few handfuls who stood by me
& carried me, When I lacked strength to even stand-up; “Literally speaking”.
This is my Faith in Swami that if he’s allowing this pain to be, Blood Cancer to let it do it’s work & inspite of everything happening,
He knows when to send Atul out for work & when he should be back home.
& When he shall let Coco enter our lives- again,
Or if at all he even wishes to dissolve me in him and give No Healing but end my life,
Then that’s fine too.
Because He as My Divine Companion Knows!!! And that’s the Faith I live by.
Those who wish to Help you, Turn Quiet,
Those who only wish to enquire but not be there, have many a questions but they lack a heart of God that gives of itself without asking the how’s & why’s.
I Believe if one genuinely wishes to help other,
but can’t be there in their hour of need, then they can Pray for the Relief & Well-being of that soul, Rather than wasting time in all Futile Enquires. Because by their silent prayers they will lend God & Wherever God is,
There Everything turns peaceful & beautiful on its own.
In the End it is your Faith Alone that shall make the lord of this Universe Change Everything that was seen as Impossible in your life!!!!
So today I thanked them all for standing by me with this small offering of a painting.
& later this very message Swami sends…
Later by night Atul mentioned he will be travelling
on a long assignment in multiple cities & countries
So even before Swami inspires you to write something he shows how he’s in control of all situations in your life, by giving so many signs of his divine presence.
All he asks is of our simple Faith. Rest all is taken care by him.
24th June 2026
Just in yesterday’s post i wrote to him-
“He knows & this simple Faith is enough!”
And now he sends this message to re-confirm my thought. What more does one need. He’s with me!
Those who live in Faith are Peaceful,
Those who live in minds are Doubtful!!!
One’s life is an expression of where One Lives!!!
1.26am
Later in the afternoon while I was listening to Sai-Geeta’s-(elephants) story, Where Swami had mentioned upon her passing, a devotee asked him- will she be liberated considering her devotion to Swami
& He answered- that she will get a human birth.
That only a human birth can take one towards Realisation & liberation, and not an animal form.
& upon listening this I told him- Swami i can’t be this selfish, because i can’t bear a child given my condition & age
So if you’re going to give birth to Coco,
again as a dog to come into our lives & then again he shall have to take another birth to come down in a human form….
then please let him have a human birth itself now
& have a good life, so that he too gets liberated from this cycle of life & death.
Why send him again as a dog, Only to be born as a human….As that’s the only way for a soul to realise ones freedom.
So I asked him in chits- will you give him a human birth so he’s liberated,
Or shall his soul come in a form of a dog & be liberated inspite of an animal form…
& The sole reason for asking him is because
Coco did a lot for me, and his love was pure as Swamis love & Selfless.
In fact Swami had even enquired once through a dream- “How’s Coco”, & when I responded happily saying “Swami Coco is So loving…So loving”,
Swami echoed my feelings by saying- “Yes…He’s loving like me”
So why the need, for him to come down as a human form, when he’s transcended in love,
Such that his heart is as pure & selfless as Gods!
Hence I asked Swami to pick the chit & his answer to me was-
Coco will be born as a dog again but then in this very lifetime he shall be liberated.
What more can a mother ask, When all I long is to be liberated too.
1.08pm
Swami today I shall go & do the CBC & peripheral blood test 3rd time & probably the last time too.
So please don’t Overrule my Faith.
Now let your light swallow All Doubts & Darkness
Swami you said by Thursday tomorrow, being 25th you shall intervene regarding this diagnosis you gave.
& along with it all issues of my life that I gave you
Now you have to show up & back my heart, otherwise this work shall not be accepted as a Prasadam from you and it’s shall be overruled.
Please Intervene otherwise theres no point sharing this work
4.59pm
Beloved if my Hearts Offering is not enough…..Then don’t Accept even a tiny speck of this work, But if my Hearts Offering through this work has touched thee, Then Please Show-up.
Please Don’t Kill me with your Silence!
Because then you’ve abandoned your child &
no-where on this earth can I get Peace, Grace, Healing & Love!!!
Your Silence shall only be taken as you Abandoning my heart & soul.
6.30pm
I once again did the basic CBC & blood smear test, but the results again seem as though it’s all normal, while only I know how difficult it’s got. With this pain, weight loss, lack of energy, and a constant nausea that I can’t eat….
Though CBC test even if it shows normal, that doesn’t rule out Cancer, As one needs to do a bone marrow biopsy, but I don’t have it in me to go through it.
On all the reports the reference doctors name
I gave is Dr Satyanarayan, as in Swamis name.
& for todays blood test too I mentioned-
Dr Satya Sai. Because for me Swami alone is my doctor.
& He Alone shall have the Final word!
Let tomorrow’s day show where my Faith stands
& how his Grace alone can makes the impossible happen!
8.01pm
Yet he still chooses to remain Silent, then what does it matter, I’m dying as it is.
25th June 2026
Above link to post
True, in the End everything is Vibhuti.
If I have to beg you to Intervene
then that shall Not be Love!
If I’ve called out to you in all my longings & yet you keep it unheard; Then that shall Not be Love!
If I’ve loved you in all of my longings & you too can’t withheld it back anymore…
Then that’s Love! That’s Love!!!
Because as much as I’m dying here due to thy Silence that much should thy heart too be pained, because the devotees love has become God
& Gods love have become the devotees call!
Then that’s Love! Then that’s Love!!!
Because in that love all boundaries blur-
Of who’s calling whom, & who’s reaching out & saving whom for the devotees pain had become the pain of God! Then that’s Love!
And that Love simply melts & shows itself to hold one another in its refuge of loving arms.
That’s Love, That’s Love!
That’s Love that Coco gave in an instance withholding not even his heart, inspite of being on the death bed when he knew he was to be gone. That’s Love & that’s all I ask of you Swami.
9.45am
Above link to post
This is a beautiful way, where one pauses,
& the message that pops up on ones screen is Swamis message for you,
And his message to me is- “He Knows what’s in my heart”,
Even if none shall Believe! Because without his intervention this work shall be Overruled.
Physically I’m in a very bad condition but in my heart & spirit I’m holding on to a thin thread today,
My beloved, If thou shall not come for me today, then the death of this body is a small place in comparison to this spirits light already dying & extinguishing within me….
Let everything die in me-
For if by your Silence you choose to show
you’ve abandoned me!
Then there’s No Life as it is, Because there’s No Sai by my side.
Let Cancer take it all- that my beloved doesn’t consider his home- along with this fading body, Let him take even this Heart & soul!
I felt inspired to paint a painting of Swamis lotus feet, because isn’t that what we hold onto as life,
When he chooses not to intervene.
But the picture I felt to draw isn’t a pose of beautiful lotus feet, positioned daintly with flowers offered around….
& even whilst I started the work, I was tuned to one of Geeta Mohans talk & for some reason it kept buffering & pausing,
So I switched to the next talk, that was lined up on an auto mode.
And after the initial introduction, while I was drawing Swamis feet, I took a screen shot of this talk, because the person shared the very same thing that Swami inspired me to write this morning
What Is True Love, the bond between god & devotee.
that Radha would constantly think about Krishna & So Krishna would constantly think about Radha.
because of this contractual relationship between A God & devotee. So the amount of times Radha remembered Krishna, that many times Krishna remembered Radha- “Yad Bhavam, Tad Bhavati”
Hence Radha became Krishna by remembering him & Krishna became Radha by remembering her. So Swami says who becomes more powerful here- it’s Radha.
This is how I asked him to love me, Where all pains of my longings & callings become him & he in an instance reaches out to relieve that pain.
Hence When it comes to Ones Faith…
Nothing is stupid, As I Asked Swami,
If truly my longing and calling is yours,
then as you showed me in the Vision that it was your gown that was soaked-blood-red,
saying It’s Cancer, Blood Cancer diagnosis for my pain
So Now in our temples main picture where you’re seated, let your gown be smeared with Red-
But that Red should be kum-Kum of my Faith where your entire gown is covered with it
& that shall be the sign, that the Vision about Blood Cancer has come from you along with everything in this work.
& that you yourself shall come-Now,
& heal both me & Atul,
& give us a New Beginning!!!
Because in the Face of Faith No thought truly is stupid & in a love like this All Boundaries are blurred!!!
Hence sharing the talk how “Divine-Algorithm”,
Alone is behind this entire play, & the way he makes everything flow so seamlessly to show-
“he knows my heart-felt prayers!!!”
And yet, if today too you shall not come-
Then Swallow me Whole! Swallow me Whole!!! Because i can’t take it anymore!!!
1.53pm
Just Finished the painting of Swamis feet & offered him, Though I shall take the picture tomorrow in day-light to be shared here.
The reason I chose to paint it this way,
is to express my feelings of past many weeks, Where Swami is Silent & not intervening to my prayers…
So the painting symbolises this pain-
When Swami Chooses to turn his back upon you
& walk away…..
& your heart misses a beat; Thinking;
Has He walked away from my life….
“O Has he abandoned me…. “
& your heart is crushed under the pain of being abandoned such.
For if his doors close upon you, Then No door in the world can save you from the perils of this life!
& in that very instance,
Your pain became his & he turns & walks towards you saying- “Bangaroo, I’ve Come, I’ve Come,
I Know your hearts call!!!”.
& your heart sighs a relief & is able to breathe knowing you’re saved, you’re saved simply by his sign of coming
10.44pm
Today’s day went in a satsang in sharing Swamis experiences, because he inspired me to share the Blood Cancer dignosis with one of my Freind, with whom I’m suppose to do a group exhibition & many times I had been avoiding going to galleries for art shows due to this pain. He kept saying from within, share with her.
So I called & we had a long talk, because she’s also a believer of Shirdi baba & she kept saying- Baba will do everything fine…
& I kept saying- I know By Faith alone I’ve come this far & that he didn’t even need to share the diagnosis,
But since all my life I held on to this Faith on him
& since medical science could never diagnose my illness of lupus,
So I feel he came to gave me answers for this 26yrs of pain.
And later I continued with the painting & offered to him by night.
Yet….He didn’t come…
Baba why haven’t you come…..
Is it something lacking in my prayers….
You were to come & show my longings, tears & pain have become yours….
And your hearts way to reach me in that very instance, is your way of pouring Love….
Then Why haven’t you come yet, Swami?
10.53pm
Baba! You say your hunger is satiated with the melodious singing….Then what about my heart Beloved Swami……what about my longing….
Truly there’s No life without you!
26th June 2026
Even in my relentless calls to thee, I’ve failed,
For my Faith couldn’t quench thy thirst….
My Beloved knows I’ve been calling him to intervene….Because my heart feels the pain within each call….Have thou forsaken me….Have thou Abandoned me….Have thou left me in the midst of these severe storms.
Where My Faith is questioned,
Beloved, I’ve taken my first step,
Yet thou have turned thy back upon me,
When instead thou had to take the remaining steps & hold me as thy very own.
For in thy Silence thou Choose to walk away,
Showing My Pain was Never yours….
My Pain was Never yours….
My Pain was Never yours to carry….
For if this pain was yours to bear…..
Then thy nimble feet would turn back & rush to me- Saying I am yours & My Life’s Responsibility’s are solely yours to carry & Save me from these
storms.
Today tell me- if this pain is not yours…..
Because your silence shall only be seen- that
You’ve walked away, Leaving me all alone!!!
11.30am
Yesterday in the talk you shared- that due to Radha’s longing for Krishna, she had an upper hand, then for my longings for you too, Where art thou?
For who shall have Faith in these very words of God.
When God can’t even be bound by a devotees longings & prayers.
Yet here you show- you’ve chosen to walk away, My Beloved Lord!!!
11.55am
My heart says I shall paint one more painting of my call & longing, for him to intervene….
Now in my utter desperation this painting symbolises -
I’ve rushed to hold on to his feet…
If not even a tiny strand of thy garment I’ll hold on to it, as my very life depends on it
12.52pm
Above link to Paduka Pooja prayers
Swami it’s no Co-incidence that you sent this video of your Pada-puja today while this painting is ongoing, where I’m holding onto your lotus feet as my very life-breath!
So Divine Mother If at all through this work,
I’ve done your Pada-Puja with all my heart & soul, bearing it all, tears, blood, love,
then Beloved upon completing of this painting you shall give a clear sign of your intervention regarding the Visions & diagnosis in this work as coming from you
& your daughter who’s hanging upon a thin thread of Hope, Shall not be Overruled for her Faith
& this work shall be received as your Prasadam of Love to be shared!
& That you alone have saved your daughter’s life by your very sign of coming today.
3.01pm
This Painting just got finished the exact time
Aarti was offered in the above video
Both Shirdi Baba & Satya Sai baba, along with lord Ganesha are adorned in yellow
& Yellow Is Cocos colour of Hope & Sunshine.
That’s how I always painted him,
So even Coco is as much here while painting this with all the tears we’ve wept in this prayer of work.
This painting expresses the moment,
When the child sees, his friend, his one & all,
Who has chosen not only to heed to her heart-wrenching prayerful calls,
But he’s even about to leave his child forever & walk away…
& the child in utmost agony takes one last leap of Faith,
Very well knowing that if the Divine Father,
The One & Only True Freind still chooses to walk away-now,
then the child has Alreday fallen in the abyss & gorge of such darkness…
From where No life ever can be Saved!
Because the one who sang the very first Bhajan “Manas Bhajare Guru Charanam, Dushtar Bhavasagar Taranam”, if that same lord of this Universe has walked away leaving his Beloved Child to be abandoned for eternity…….
If the Saviour doesn’t heed to his own given prayer of bhajan then where can a soul like me even be left to breathe!
3.27pm.
The Pain within is so deep & unbearable that only by your coming can it ease!!!
tears upon the iPad while writing…
Beloved I’ve left my life in the form of these tears here. Today if your feet shall not come home, then my Sai Paduka Puja through this work, Shall never be shared with anyone.
3.33pm
Swami,
I Surrender Everything At Your Divine Lotus Feet Now!!! Let Thy Will Be!!!
Whether thou pull me up from this fathomless abyss of darkness. Or let me fall & be swallowed in it.
3.51pm
Beloved today in my extreme longing I’ve poured my heart-wrenching pain, in these few songs & bhajans of longings & yearning’s I’ve offered to you just now.
Later the day ended-
Yet The Wait Never Ends & the Heart has sunk!!!
27th June 2026
Once again his above message- hold on to my feet, Don’t let it go, after my yesterdays prayer that if thou shall abandon me then I fall into this abyss if darkness.
My Heart is on it’s own path of love, Uninterruptedly, Unfailingly, the only words coming forth are- Aao Aao Nandalala, Aao Aao Sai Rama, it knows Nothing but to call,
No matter the closed doors from Swami,
No matter even if he didn’t respond yesterday…
It but Only knows to Call & Call & Call….
& in it’s calling there are No Conditions left
that you do this way or that, For there’s Only Love!
it only knows to sing thy name, it knows Nothing but to be swallowed in thy name & in this name alone it no longer even waits for thou-
My Beloved Lord!!! For it knows it is only Yours!!! 9.55am
The fruit has ripened, hence I’ve left it at his feet. The Heart simply in its longing & calling him;
Has sweetened, Hence I’ve left it at his feet.
Let it partake & consume the sweetness this heart emanates due to chanting of his very name for this work is done only so that he shall consume it
For A Devotees Longing alone satiates the lord & in-turn makes the child’s-pain-sweet.
10.44am
I stared a painting to express the above feelings but only by late evening, could I start painting,
as the entire day, I was having intense vomiting sensation and the pain around tender lymph nodes of my inner thigh was making it very exhausting along with severe draining energy from scalp.
Baba seems to have expedited this pain,
As it’s gotten intense by the hour of the day.
28th June 2026
Once again Swamis message of why he tests…
& this picture below is exactly how I was holding his feet through the night asking- Why haven’t you come.
The heart hasn’t stopped praying- Aao Aao Nandalala, Aao Aao Sairama, & many times I just sat in my heart & held on to Shirdi babas feet like a small child. Saying Why Haven’t you come? Why haven’t you come?
Beloved you are my Mother & Father, You Alone are that True Friend & Guide!
You Art my Soul, My Self, Then where is the Need for a Timing- for you to come, That needs to be Divine Or Perfect???
The pains of our longings are only ours to bear,
The Pains of this failing & dying body is only yours to care!
For this life thou alone put into this dying frame & thou alone have the right to either take it
Or let it Shine with your Grandeur Ever-more!
This Heart within me is None but thy Presence hence it knows its home is this Belongingness to thee!
Thou Art Not Separate,
For this Mind, too thy fragrance breathes-
There’s Only Love Beloved within every pore of my dying skin-
For thou have taken over Everything!
So even if this body dies, the shell simply drops, setting the spirit-Free,
& What desire can there be,
When this desirelessness born from Love echoes
“I Only Belong to thee”;
Except Come now , Come in thy physical form & take away the last vistitude of this life that thou have put in me- For it belongs to None but thee! Hence come & take even my spirit!!!
10.08am
Baba if you don’t come by this Wednesday- 1st July, then let me too be free of this life, please….
Because there’s no point celebrating the birth of this body,
When the One Who Enlivens Ones Spirit,
Doesn’t even heed to it’s prayers & calls!!!
For hasn’t Lord Ganesha also stated I’ve come to stay here, Because this is my Fathers home & he went & sat where Cocos ashes are placed.
So now you have to come, But not just as A Vision, But physically here,
Or else on the day you gave birth to this body,
Let my soul be released too from this cage.
Because one’s True Birthday, is only when God shows he’s with that soul!
That’s the True Birthday Celebration one can ever ask for.
11.25am
Once again after the heartfelt prayer that why hasn’t he come yet & why hasn’t he intervened, this above message of assurance.
My Yesterday’s painting of the words the fruit is ripened; the heart is sweetened in calling his name & longing….
For my heart has not stopped calling him,
It’s like a silent singing is echoing within my Conscience - Aao Aao Sai Rama… my heart is singing…
the painting got finished just now,
And I told him- I’ve bear it all….
When shall you come- Swami & Baba, both of you, Maybe there’s nothing worthy of offering in this house, But all I have to offer thee is this heart & my unending tears.
Please partake the Fruit & if it’s sweet enough then share with all as thy Prasadam of Grace & such valuable gems of teachings within this work.
And Fulfil thy word- That you Alone are the Answer for all my problems & You Alone are the Healing I ever sought!!!
5.13pm
29th June 2026
Swami I love you, I’ve always loved you & inspite of you pulling the ground beneath my feet since these last couple of months in the ways life has slapped me down, Such that other than you, None shall ever know how much broken im within.
So now it’s no longer my Faith that is tested.
For the test is yours, you’re the one who’s made this exam paper, you’re the examiner, you’re the one writing the paper, you’re the one who’ll evaluate the answers & you’re the one who’ll
give the marks too.
Because “it’s no longer my test, but yours”
9.00am
And now you alone have to finish what you’ve started.
1.08pm
Based on how things are going with my health & life, if you’ve given me the thought & asked me to do things a certain way & then given me the words to deal with situation,
Where I had to be Truthful by my heart, even at the cost of making Peace this time,
But like the Kurukshetra war, Where you asked Arjuna that he has to fight the battle, as that’s his dharma and that those who’ve followed Adharma are Alreday dead.Because you’ve willed it so.
Irrespective of whether Arjuna fights this battle or not.
In the same way. All I have done is followed thy teachings, I’ve Spoken when you wanted me to, even when it was difficult to speak the truth.
I’ve done that.
At the cost of everything I’ve stood by this Truth of my Heart. Even this Blood Cancer diagnosis for which most people shall question my Faith and think, I’ve lost my mind all to-gather… as they are only visions not scientific proof for most.
And you’ve yet Chosen to Only remain Silent because Truth comes at a cost of shaking peoples conscience. Weather sharing this diagnosis or otherwise.
So after everything if in this Kurukshetra war of doing Right by ones heart, inspite of knowing the Truth & even showing me through Visions…
If after everything you shall still Choose to Remain Silent, Then Swami in here I give you A Vow- henceforth I shall remain Silent & not even share this work, these Visions with anyone. Nor even do I have any need to share about this pain too, becasue there’s no cure.
& I shall take thy Silence as A Sign that thou have Overruled my heart, my Faith, my Truth & Belief!
I shall be silent till my last dying breath!!!
Because you Chose to Allow this pain, this illness & my Faith be questioned.
Because who’s going to believe all these visions until you heal me fully, anyways.
And until you come here physically with a promise to A New Life!
Given the situation…1st July is too far,
So you should come now into my life.
Both you & Shirdi baba.
Because you know the Truth & No one is going to Believe in your daughter unless you show up!!!
4.59pm
Now either the Divine Mother shall speak, Or the child shall remain on her lap- Silent! 5.40pm
it’s just a simple sketch and it gonna mean nothing to anyone, but as my mother he knows my heart, he knows it. And if a mother won’t come in the hour of need of her child, then there’s No Love here. Then Swamis promise too in Parthi that if he accepts to take my responsibility as my mother then only should he come to give Darshana…..
That he needs to fulfil.
For if he negates my hearts offering now,
then I shall live with a pain so deep,
that no words can ever take away that pain from me.
6.30pm
Baba you’re my mother, You have to come first now to our home, then only shall I come to Shirdi.
I asked him do you wish to tell me something & then he gives this message
Just now I see Swami, his face smiling looking at me, and he’s rubbing his hands & saying-
Your heart is Soft like butter, it’s Pure-white like butter-sweet, not salty.
And then he says- it was needed to do, what you had to. It was needed to speak the Truth!
This was Divine Mothers Blessings for that soul.
Vision ends
9pm
He kept saying it was needed, it was needed to be done the way he wanted me to speak the Truth!
And as soon as he gave the above Vision,
Just a few minutes to the Vision & message must have passed, as I was listening to a devotees talk
Above link to the talk,
& in that, that very exact moment the devotee shared the very same thing-
That all that baba wants is this Purity in Spirituality, Morality & Righteousness.
He said it’s not easy but in order to know we are one with God,
Baba wants us to have these three principles- to be pure in Spirituality, to have morality & be Righteous.
& hence he said it was needed, what happened in the afternoon, Where I even told him,
Why did you tell me to call the person & why did all that transpire…
& he kept saying- It was Needed to be done!
To uphold Dharma!
It’s True it’s not easy, But When you want to Please God, then it can only be done by following his teachings at the cost of everything in your life.
Yet Baba now you have to come for me. Because now there’s only one day more to my Bday & i can’t alive anymore this way.
10.12pm
30th June 2026
I was in a lot of pain, getting chills & kept calling Sai, Sai…. That’s when these messages…as I couldn’t sleep
Once again he keeps giving signs of Coco’s coming….He alone knows, Given the situation of this pain & illness….Only Babas Will shall be,
if Coco shall come.
Today is the last day of wait, for tomorrow Swamis promise shall be & he shall come….
I started a painting- Aao Sai….
While I was listening to this devotees talk, that Baba can come & save you even if you’re in deep sea.
That’s the Divine Assurance.
The painting is offered, Where both Shirdi baba & Satya Sai baba have come to our home.
On the day of my bday,
& by their Arrival alone Im given “A New Birth”
& both of us are healed from everything, enveloped in his love!
As by His Grace Alone we’re given A New Beginning! And he’s blessed this work- Heart of God to be shared by the healing, From all pains & diseases. And by his coming all minds are shut- Henceforth.
& with this New Birth, I shall celebrate the day,
by sharing this Prasadam of Love-
His Heart with All!
Sai maa, I met you with Truth & Heart in this work, You too meet me the same way, I’ve done my part, following your teachings, Now you come into our home & lives & Bring A New Beginning!
Jai Sai Ram!!!
6.03pm
After Offering him the last prayer of this work in the form of the above painting- Aao Aao Sai Rama. I sang a few Bhajans & offered Aarti & then in the sketchbook where most of the paintings of this work are painted- I asked him to open a page on a random as to what he wishes to say to me, after offering this work today.
And the painting that he chose was to Bless me!
1st July 2026
I don’t think I need to tell you,
How much with this health I’m failing….
If today’s day too shall pass by, with your Silence regarding the Blood Cancer diagnosis you gave, with no healing and no way out, Or how far it’s gone….Then it’s all over for me.
Because I’ve given you my sweat, blood, Faith & Hope! And truly this is the last chapter where I’m saying it’s Enough Now; A life like this….
I have Nothing left to offer you, My Beloved Lord!!!
Truly what a birthday to begin the day with….
Such pains & a constant helplessness!
12.42am
Why haven’t you showed up yet, you were suppose to come early morning Swami.
Why haven’t you showed up….
Please don’t make me cry & wait the entire day for my bday. Please Come Now to our home!
Because only giving me these messages is not Enough! Please give me A New Birth by your coming, Please heal us both.
And bless us with A New Beginning!
And more than anything Truly let it be A New Birth & giving my life here through 26years of pain some meaning.
By Blessing this work to be shared today itself.
You once again send me this message- you’re coming to my house, then please come!
Because I’m very very tired & genuinely can’t take this anymore. Now it has to be more than Vision to show that this work & Everything in it was
Only A Prasadam from you not just for my soul,
But for all your Children’s!
And what better day to share it than today, in honour of not just mine & Atuls life struggles,
But for Coco, Who by his relentless presence & Unconditional Love made sure I didn’t end my life!!! Who was & is My Hope and reason to keep going & this Simple Faith within me that Other than you None can Heal me!
Please don’t make me cry on my Birthday & wait the entire day in tears!
8.40am
Right now…
In my heart, I went both to Shirdi & Parthi,
I was seated at his feet & told Baba if you don’t come today, then let me die. Because there’s No point living this way.
And I actually see myself taking a leap from the back rows in Parthi….Where I was seated back then…to be near him in my heart
As Baba had heard my prayers & he came out in an open chair to give me Darshana,
that only if he’s ready to take my life’s responsibility then he should come out to give Darshana that day, that too in an open chair. Otherwise he should not come at all & that shall be the sign that he can’t take my life’s responsibility
But that day in 2010 he did come out in an open chair & it was truly A Diwali for me.
Prior to that day, for 2-3 times he had not even come to give us Darshana.
But that day he came in an open chair as compared to that closed car, where one could barely catch a glimpse of him….
& he waited right in front of the row, where I was seated & after letting me cry looking at his beautiful face & thanking him for taking my life’s responsibility,
He was about to leave, & immediately my heart cried out- “No Baba, not yet…”
& he instantly pulled the automatic chair backwards & waited to let me pour my heart-out.
And only after a while when I told him- it’s fine- Now you can leave, that very second he moved his chair forward. I even remember there was a girl seated in front of me & she had seen me crying inconsolably & later as I was outside the ashram buying some pictures of Swami, that same girl crossed my path & she said- it’s because of your prayers Swami came to give Darshana today. And I smiled, knowing very well of this H2h interaction between him & me
Beloved where shall I go now you tell me that You’re everywhere not just in Parthi,
You’re my very heart, hence today when I came to Parthi in my heart,
I saw the same scene of you coming out in that open chair, your face shining like gold, but this time my heart took a leap and I’m seated here,
Right in front of you by your lotus feet, Where no sevadals can stop me from being near you…
I’m here, crying even banging my head in utter desperation that if you have to go pass me,
leaving me this way,
then by your touch alone let me die today on this day itself,
So that at least this birth of mine shall be Blessed! Otherwise you have to come home now!!!
11.07am
I started painting the above longing feelings, That Beloved I’ve bound you in my longing, in my prayers….
Now where shall you go……
Look at Swamis divine synchronicity to send this video that’s based entirely on longing for the lord….i cried while painting listening to the songs that felt are coming from my very heart….
Above link to video
the painting is based on this expression, Where I’m seated in front of him, When he came to give Darshana in an open chair in Parthi & accepted my life’s responsibility….
& my hair symbolise the heart-wrenching call,
as this vast Sky of Longing in which Swami is bound, bound by my Faith & devotion that has crossed all threshold. The stars in his Sky are my Tears of yearning, waiting, longing, Hope, Faith that he comes…..
And he has no way out now, I’ve held him in my heart & either he has to come and save me & my family. Shower His Blessings upon us…
Or he in His Silence shall break this bond of our love & leave….
& Abandon me for Eternity!!!
Swami,
You have to come & give me A Completely New Birth….and give us both healing & Abundance Blessings by your presence in our lives….
Or I don’t wish to live anymore. Because Divine Mother you gave A Promise, Now you alone have to Fulfil it!
4.41pm
2nd July 2026
A Vision-
I see Shirdi baba standing & his figure appears like a flame, standing in the midst of a heavy darkness, & the only bright light emanating is from his form…
As he says- “You’re here due to my light”,
Showing, Otheriwse the flame of my life would
Have been Swallowed by this darkness.
And then he says pointing to many poisonous snakes on the ground, coiled around where he’s standing, as I see a snake slither by, When he points to it saying- “I shall not let this Poison come to you”.
Vision ends
8.01am
Later..
I kept saying Thank you, for this abandonment for not coming….for his Silence…
Thank you for not showing up for my bday…
Thank you For Everything!!!
Thank you for every heart-break,
For this Never ending Wait, For tears that bled; Thank you for this pain,
Thank you for Everything.
Thank you for every Hope that only met with A Closed door; Thank you for innumerable countless messages; That never materialised to see the light of the day.
Thank you for this Pain; Thank you for Everything!
Thank you for showing me my heart breathes upon Truth & Yet I was put on the stone of Judgements of lies & manipulation & their fears laced with interrogation, that won against all odds.
Thank you for this pain; Thank you for Everything!
Thank you for years lost to those filled with fears; & their fears turned into anger & hatred,
Thank you for showing me you reside in them all; So that I didn’t falter from my hearts ways.
for hatred is too strong of a word, even towards those; Who in an instant threw me off the bus!
Thank you for this pain; Thank you for Everything
Thank you with giving me no answers, And then flooding my life with countless Visions to make up for your Silence through this pain,
Thank you for putting me in a spot,
Because Visions are internal, So the doubting Thomases shall be busy dissecting my life again….
Thank you for the Wisdom that this work can’t be shared- Unless A Direct tangible sign comes forth from you- & there’s An Healing to my prayers…
For this work came from your very Heart,
And without your Blessings-sign, it Fails to fulfil lts purpose.
So unless you don’t step in- Silence shall be my only Solace.
And now other than Visions you give, Which i shall paint & share here in Silence…
This work has Nothing more to offer from my end- But to say- Thank you, Thank you for all the pain!!!
6.21pm
3rd July 2026
When my pain wasn’t even yours…
Then how can my honour be yours?
(Since you didn’t come for my Bday)
Today I shall go to the doctor, & Start the testing process & later if needed even see a specialist….
Since you didn’t fulfil thy promise of healing,
this work cannot be shared. Because then it’s only half way coming from me-incomplete.
If my pain truly was yours, then my honour would be yours to hold…. But you didn’t come,
Inspite of my every heart-wrenching calls.
3.51am
Yesterday the pain was so intense in my chest that I couldn’t even start painting, it’s like a heavy rock was placed upon my chest. And i couldn’t even move physically…
But I shall take my steps towards him….
Whether he takes his towards me or not,
Today I shall start painting…
& by evening meet the doctor in my colony. As he guided me through chits to meet her today.
11.16am
Beloved Swami,
Just Finished listening to Geeta Mohans talk, though I have to start the painting….
Above link to post
Am Sharing this talk regarding how Ramabrahman Surrendered & how Sis Geeta Mohans mother too experienced your love, during the gas leak incident.
Tell me my Bleoved Mother have I not Surrenedred to you, you interacted with them personally, after your test…
& with me through Visions but when Geeta Mohans mother felt is she hallucinating seeing you there and She only spoke about the experience once you confirmed it…
Tell me don’t I deserve, that you take that step & give me a sign too, That every bit in this work has come from you.
I didn’t doubt nor question in these 5months, When you said I have Blood Cancer,
But there’s no way I can share, When you don’t even take that one step towards me to complete this work
For all your children’s in their pain you stepped in, then for me Why don’t you give a Sign by your coming or by your sign regarding Blood Cancer & Healing me.
Am I not yours…..
And have I doubted your word even for a second that you’re making me go through this hell…..
Why this Cold Silence from your end towards me…..You called me your hanuman,
But what is Hanuman without it’s Lord Rama,
you say I have to fight like Arjuna to uphold dharma, But what is Arjuna without Lord Krishna,
& yet here in this gruelling testing pain you remain Silent & Anonymous except for communicating through Visions.
Tell me O Krishna will you show you truly are the Driver of my life’s car; That you’re my Sanathan Sarathi.
Or will you put some doctor on my life’s driving seat and show you’re there through Visions alone,
But Never truly taken charge of my life’s wheel….
Won’t you show yourself in my Surrender to you, Won’t you heal me for my Belief that other than you None can Save me.
Are my tears Nothing….
Is my hearts pain Nothing…
is my belief that your word is ultimate- Nothing!!!
Then why send me with a begging bowl to doctors who know nothing of my pain…..Why?
When you can come and with your Presence show that other than you None is My Eternal Sarathi.
Yet if you shall still send me with a begging bowl, than I shall Accept that No longer are you my doctor, Nor my Sarathi, Nor the driver of my life’s car. Because you’ve left me on the mercy of others
1.35pm
Swami I’ll start the painting of yesterday’s Vision & I’m hoping for a sign from you. Since in chits you did mention I should get neck tissue biopsy done
2.29pm
In Kurukshetra war, everyone saw you seated as Krishna; who was Arjuna’s Sarathi
Tell me in my life’s car- Are you the driver Or you’ve placed some other doctor in that seat, When my Faith rests in you alone!
3.45pm
Above link to post
Just now while painting & listening to Sai Geeta’s story, I cried inconsolably, Because I know the Purity of Love that animals have, we call them animals, but they are higher in evolutionary ladder than humans, When it comes to Pure-Divine- love.
They’re more intuitively connected & aware of everything.
Just like Sai Geeta, Coco would know things too,
He would know even before my pain is about to get worse, he’d cry so that I’ll stop crying.
Animals love is on par, we humans have to take many births, but their love has made them go beyond their minds.
I guess that’s why Swami showed me in this last Vision, Coco will come again as a dog, when he placed him on my lap & and through chits he blessed, that this shall be Cocos last birth, even if he comes as a dog & won’t have to take another human birth, because his love is as pure as Swamis love,
Animals are Purest, Gentle form of Gods love unless we humans hurt & abused them.
Yet there are so many dogs who even upon being abandoned are the kindest of souls to walk upon this earth.
Whatever I learnt about Selfless Love, I’ve learnt from Coco! And today I humbly bow my head to both Sai Geeta & Coco.
Hence I cried seeing this satsang of Sai Geeta’s devotion, because I know the Purity of their Love
& I see Coco in all animal forms
4.18pm
Swami if you’re not there in my life fully, then let me die & merge into yours & Cocos love, into this love that even Sai Geeta had.
Because if you’ve placed some doctor on the driving wheel of my life, then there’s nothing left to say.
4.46pm
The drawing for yesterday’s vision is complete, the painting is yet to be started.
I did go and see the doctor in our colony & she’s a very kind hearted lady.
After checking the lymph nodes, she’s recommended me to go meet an oncologist and maybe thereby get the CT scan done as well as tissue biopsy of the swollen lymph node in my neck. And since the oncologist is a male doctor,
I asked for a lady gynac to get the inner thigh swollen lymph nodes checked & then I can see the oncologist she referred me to
She even suggested upon the neck tissue biopsy, it’s better we take 2-3 opinions of different oncologist, before we start any therapies.
I prodded her regarding her thoughts & reason behind my symptoms & she stated maybe it’s infection, but since it didn’t fit that criteria….
So maybe TB but I had done a 8 month long course, back when Coco was around, as most Indians have TB virus in latent stage & since lupus couldn’t be diagnosed by any doctor back then,
a senior doctor had suggested I do the course, Which I did, But inspite of finishing the 8month course this pain persisted & it’s only Now that Swami confirmed it’s lupus. So TB was not an issue.
And the 3rd diagnose according to her is Cancer.
Which of course Swami had shown me through a vision on 11th February 2026 itself.
But Since Swami chooses to remain the anonymous writer, I’ll be going through the drill of seeing gynac getting test done & then seeing this oncologist to get scans & biopsies done.
My life’s wheel he’s willingly given in the hands of strangers, Very well knowing they can’t help me & that’s what breaks my heart
11.54pm
Not all Surrender is met in a way, Where Swamis tests relives you with His Sweet Love,
By Showing he knows your Heart longs for him to intervene & not send you at the mercy of strangers.
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