Heart Of God (continue chapter 12)
- Jul 5
- 57 min read
Updated: Jul 24
4th July 2026
Finished the painting today by late evening,
The Vision Baba gave on 2nd July 2026.
Since I’m sharing the painting in today’s post,
So will share the Vision details again here, to correlate it with the painting for an understanding.
A Vision-
I see Shirdi baba standing & his figure appears like a flame, standing in the midst of a heavy darkness, & the only bright light emanating is from his form…
(though in the Vision Shirdi baba is seen standing at a distance so his figure appears like a small burning flame, but here I painted him more Visible & in the fore-front)
As he says- “You’re here due to my light”,
Showing, Otheriwse the flame of my life would
Have been Swallowed by this darkness.
And then he says pointing to many poisonous snakes on the ground, coiled around where he’s standing, as I see a snake slither by, When he points to it saying- “I shall not let this Poison come to you”.
Vision ends
8.01pm
After this, there’s Nothing much left to share…
12.00am
5th July 2026
In my Surrender I ask thee, Do as you Please…. Whether I laugh, Whether I weep,
Do as you Please…
Whether in pain, Whether you heal-
Do as you Please, But You Alone carry me,
For I’m not someone’s burden,
But Solely Thy & Thy Alone Responsibility!
That’s All I ask of thee!
Until my last breath- Do as you Please!
Because you’re the one who gives life to this inert matter….
So from birth to death & in all my in-betweens,
Beloved Sai, Do as you Please!
Whether someone walks along, Or Whether someone chooses to leave, Do as you Please!
And whence shall my last breath be released,
Do as you Please! I’ve left everything at thy lotus feet,
If You want me to go through various tests
& be a guinea pig- Do as you Please!
For this pain I accept & even this Silence on part of thee, I Accept as Thy Prasadam for me.
Wheather thou intervene Or leave me at some doctors mercy-
I am yours & that’s the Only Truth I have to Offer thee- Along with this heart of mine, in which Dwells None but you My Sai!
For this pain has brought about a death within & Now there’s Nothing much left on my part,
Other than this Knowing-
That even if you shall choose to walk away & abandon me-
“My Heart is Only full of love for thee”,
Even if you fail to show thy love for me,
I’ll Accept that too as thy Prasadam & say- I’m yours & there’s only Love in my heart & soul for thee!
Do whatever you wish to do with my life- that makes you happy!!!
Because by that alone my birth here shall have its Fulfilment & Blessings!
For that’s all I longed for; To make both you & Coco Happy!
Both Atul & I are your Children’s,
And you as our Everything, My only prayer is- don’t let go of our hands,
hold us as you’ve very breath & being. Because we have Nothing left, but thee.
Do as you Please!!!
11.25am
Later I started a painting on the above surrender while I was listening to this satsang,
Where one very beautiful incident was shared, When students are taking pictures with Swami, and as they get a personal picture, Swami says sees there’s a lesson here- how you all come & go, while I alone stay.
So in this life too, everything is coming and going, But One Should hold on to the one that stays.
And that’s exactly what my heart told him this morning- I’ll hold on to you!
6th July 2026
In Surrender to thee,
Let Clarity Shine upon all places dark.
If things that were paused in pain,
& if it’s thy will, that they begin with Greater Love, then let thy light clear all that was holding back,
to share it’s Love!
If it’s thy will to continue- then you clear the way & show the path.
Even if we need to go through the drills of doctors & test- you make the way in clarity either it should be so,
Or close that door completely,
for you shall by your healing alone- Open all Possibilities of Faith for my simple heart-
As my burdens were only yours!
Baba just show me, With Clarity,
How you wish me to continue & where to stop.
By Tomorrow End this pain, by clearing all paths! 1.20am
O Beloved Lord Ganesha Please Clear the way, You showed me on the 11th June - Vision -
I see Ganpati Bappa, wearing a pink Dhotar/Dhoti (traditional Asian attire)
As he walks towards me & then he says-
“I’ve come to stay in your heart & home.
This is my father’s home!” With four hands blessings & ears fanning, Showing me your listening to my prayers….
So Lord Ganesha, Please tell your father, to clear the path. You please ask him to Come now,
Come home & heal everything in mine & Atuls life & bring A New Auspicious Beginning.
And yet if he wants me to go through the doctors drill, then please tell him to clear the path & give me a clear sign regarding that too.
Since April-May the testing period has gone so gruelling on all fronts of my life, that I truly can’t take it anymore.
O Beloved Ganesha, every time when Swami would not respond to his child’s prayer, they would call out to you, to intervene with your Father.
Even during exams the students would pray to you offering 108 pradakshina.
O Beloved Ganesha, you said you’ve come to stay in my heart & home, because this is your Father’s home.
Then Please tell Swami to intervene to my prayers.
I’ve Surrendered to him & am ready to even go through doctors if that’s what he’s Willed for me. But he should intervene now with Clarity!
Even the stress Atul is undergoing,
Please tell him to show him the way, because he’s stood by me through it all.
For Everything in life has fallen apart.
But you showed me by fanning your ears that you’re listening to my prayers….
Then Please intervene on my behalf,
Please tell your Father to make a clear way, remove all pain, obstacles that he’s very much aware of in our lives, Which I share only with him & none.
So Please Lord Ganesha Please step in for me & ask your Father to reach out. Please Vighnaharta Remove this Obstacles; of his Silence that has been crushing me. Please tell him to give me Respite!
12.06pm
And even while I was writing this to lord Ganesha, the gynaecologist clinic called to say, if I can come today as the doctor will be there. And I had told Swami if you want me to go, then they will give me an appointment today. So be it
Whilst I was painting yesterday Surrender painting-
I was listening to this satsang where in this talk it’s shared.
Swami always says unless he decides Nothing can happen.
& the reason for Satsang is so that our Faith remains intact. And our Faith should never be shaken.
Above link to the satsang
& then He shared a beautiful quote of Swami-
I Give you this Assurance today, That stands True unto the very end.
I am Always there, Whether you know it or not.
I shall do the needful in a timely manner, Whether you Believe it or not,
I shall always Protect you in time of despair, Whether you can see it or not,
I shall Always carry you in times of weakness,
Whether you let me Or not.
And I shall make you mine, in times you wish to leave me, Whether you like it or not. Be Aware of these words & they shall take you across the highs & lows of your life in Bliss & in Absolute Confidence.
This is the most beautiful quote that came my way today.
The reason being yesterday, I was sharing the same with my mom and a Freind, that Swami steps in your life when Problems arise & when most leave,
He steps in to insulate you with his grace so that you can finsih this tough time by him at your side. And that he is the most loving God who will hand over the entire work to you, just so he can shower his Grace to protect you.
But we have conditions, we say if there’s a miracle I’ll believe & have Faith in you, But if there’s no miracle then Faith shakes.
I shared that shouldn’t be the case, because he’s helping us to finish this testing times.
I told my mom, this work can only be shared upon his blessings,
But how much ever he’s helped me through this, by constantly giving me Hope, and whatever I may have shared even with a few people around me, even that’s enough, Even if I have to leave dying this way, My Love for him shall not change.
& i shall hold on to him, Not leave him, No matter the Challenges & stress & share his teachings. Because other than him, I know None can Save me, Nor shall have my best interest at their hearts.
Swami would often give me message that given the trouble even I’d leave him & I said- I wont. Because he’s everything.
And since he’s giving me this work then he has to solve all problems of my life too. For through this work his Grace is Flowing
So the way Swami shows he’s know your heart,
& by these constant signs he makes his presence evident to help us keep going
12.33pm
While waiting at the gynaecologist clinic…
all these messages of assurance
& especially this one, Because I had asked him to guide both of us through these testing times of pain with clarity.
Ganpati Bappa I had asked to intervene & just Now something so beautiful transpired.
The gynac rather than being concerned about the reason I went for…..upon checking that there’s no swelling of lymph in inner thigh…..
She kept beating around the bush that it can be hernia….& speaking such baseless things, which I can’t even share here, for they truly show they lack empathy towards a being. And only adding to my burdens by subjecting me to unnecessary tests.
It did ruffle me, & I did try to get some knowledge about the matter with a person who had undergone treatment for the specific cause
But after the entire turmoil, as I breathed a relief,
I realised, Baba made me stand my ground by not getting sucked in this energy of such doctors,
who make patients fear something, when that truly isn’t a pressing matter.
It’s the way they listen & yet not listen & push their thoughts to suck you in a never-ending turmoil of various health tests that are not meant to heal the very cause I was send to her for.
If Baba wouldn’t have given me the diagnosis of Blood Cancer imagine what I would have been subjected too.
When you have Self-Confidence you have Belief & When you have Belief that what you’re doing is Right, because that Guidance has come from Swami within, Then you don’t Beat yourself down & get sucked up in unnecessary troubles of tests & therapies that have nothing to do with the diagnosis of Blood cancer he gave me
Today he taught me to Love myself more by showing me Truth of my diagnosis & saving me the trouble.
I’ve lived my life on Faith. And I know my Faith in Him Once again Saved me. There’s No Need to Beat yourself down for people who refuse to help, and have only their Selfish-interest at heart.
10.53pm
Now that he’s shown me this, He shall Make Way & Intervene for Everything Because I’ve taken a step-up in Love & he has to meet me there.
In the End its Our Faith alone that Saves us!
Swami Now you Correct all that needs to be Corrected, Because there’s no point beating yourself down….Rather it’s better to Stand in your Faith & save yourself from unnecessary troubles.
In Faith I’ve lived & in Faith I shall Breathe my last! 11.22pm
The way this entire chapter he wrote is a beautiful lesson indeed.
7th July 2026
After yesterday’s incident with that gynaecologist there’s Nothing much left to say.
& if Swami lets you go through problems on all fronts of life,
By Remaining Silent,
Then it’s best to Be Silent! And follow in his footsteps.
Next week will try getting the appointment of oncologist & getting tissue biopsy Or whatever test he needs done.
Till then His Silence is my Breath! Whether he saves me from all troubles Or lets me fall & die- It’s His Will Alone!
10.26am
Around noon I was listening to this above talk, While painting in which the same thing was shared, that when Swami doesn’t intervene then one should have Acceptance.
And later he shared this beautiful 10sec clip, Where the devotee who comes to take Padnamaskar of Swamis feet,
& every time Swami gets up & keeps his hand upon the tables leg so that the devotees head doesn’t butt in…
Such a sweet gesture, that if he can take care for something like this, then won’t he protect us.
Truly Heart-melting
Later even this above message, is so personal, because Swami showed me in the Vision that he’s the driver of my life’s car
Just now I asked Bhagwan, that when a devotee Surrenders it’s all to God, As I did to him today
morning….Everything I left at his feet….
Then now when we shall go to see the oncologist & he shall ask us to do various tests,
Or maybe even a tissue biopsy….
& since I’ve Surrendered to thee,
Will this particular test be “A Test of my Faith”,
that I Believe you it’s Blood Cancer….
Or will it be A Test Of Your Vision, Signs & Assurance. And he picked the chit-
In which it’s mentioned- it’s Swamis Test!
His test of Vision Assurance, Because I’ve surrendered to him.
5.40pm
Once again a very beautiful message, if you have Love for God then you can’t harm anyone.
Swami, Will you Please come with me whenever we have to go see the Oncologist. You be there, you make the oncologist speak nicely with me, even guide the tests needed to be done,
let it be you who asks, that do this test or that.
But you please be there, I don’t want to have a bad experience like that gynaecologist. You speak to me kindly, Respectfully, Lovingly & it should be your clear hand of guidance as to what tests you want to get it done.
Please Mother that’s all i ask for- that I meet you, Not the doctor. Because you’re my doctor.
Please don’t send me to rude doctors anymore.
On my Sai Maas behest, let all things go smoothly. & Now Swami as my doctor you have to make up for all the insensitive doctors I encountered over 26yrs, who lacked empathy, love & kindness
9.54pm
I pray this is the last doctor I see in my lifetime, from there you take over & heal me completely & this decades of illness; this chapter of pain closes, by your healing upon us both.
11.49pm
8th July 2026
Beloved Swami, While painting this Surrender painting, I’ve left some tears & even washed your feet, & the second I washed thy feet with my tears, My heart entwined with yours, and there’s Nothing I long for, Because I’m yours!
And you are Everything for me, Whether I shall come out of this illness, heal or not. I’m yours!!!
And I’m your Responsibility Alone!!!
So the doctor now shall meet me through you,
& you will make him speak, diagnose, & ask what test needs be done. Because I’m Yours!!!
And that’s the Only Truth of my Life!!!
3.10pm
Today afternoon while painting the Surrender artwork, I was listening to this above talk.
And how Swami not only saves his mother,
a girl devotee, who was given only few months to live due to stomach cancer & even the way Swami intervened, with the inner voice guidance, that he received in a timely manner to get hospitalised & operated, as otherwise it would be fatal in his case.
I clearly understand these inner voice guidance as Swami has been guiding me since December of 2025, when this entire work began.
It’s just the way the devotee sharing here received an immediate confirmation that the Guidance came from None but Swami, While for me,
Swami has chosen to lead me Silently.
I guess when Swami shall choose to speak for me too & not remain Silent; That he’s the Divine Author of this work, Then only shall I share this work.
Until then remain quiet.
Because He Alone knows the reason for being quiet, inspite of all challenges of pain that have kept mounting, since these last few months.
6.12pm
Once again to my above heart-felt, this message of Assurance from him
9th July 2026
My heart has been on a never-ending Sai Ram, Sai Ram chanting mode, like that song- Sai naam sumiran jo bhi kare….
And today morning Swami again gave A Vision- Swami is seated in a pink gown & I can see him,
But from the back-side, not his face, and as I go closer, it’s like the camera pans and Swami is now visible from the front but his head is facing down, engrossed in writing something- and as i go closer i read the words
“With Love & Blessings Bhagwan Shree Satya Sai Baba.”
Vision ends.
7.00am
PS : imagine the words in those 3 messages above, that he knows my silent prayers & even if the world may be against, his miracles have no limit, because with the Vision he answered my silent prayer.
Basically yesterday night my energy had sunk very low and I was awake until past 2am,
unable to breathe due to pain.
And in my heart I offered this work, iPad at Swamis chair, on his samadhi in Parthi
& then I went to Shirdi & lay there holding babas feet, calling him out moaning in pain.
And then i woke up to this Vision.
Where Swami showed me he’s blessed this work even before the healing & completion of this Surrender painting,
That he has heard my yesterday’s prayer- Because I had cried saying- No one shall believe this work unless you intervene. And how your children’s get an immediate sign from you,
But here I’m just going through these doctors drill and unless there’s no, sign or scientific diagnosis & healing from you…
I’ll only be questioned, because the doctors themselves don’t believe it’s lupus,
& I’m only met with grilling, judging & doubting questions.
I have this habit of keeping some satsang on in the night when im unable to sleep due to pain & then I let it auto play,
& just after this mornings Vision, as I was listening to this talk in the morning,
in which it was shared how Talent is not a gift from God, But Swami has said- “Talent is God”.
As just yesterday I shared the same with my mom, that imagine if not for this work, where would I go in my life.
Without Swamis Grace to let me paint & do this work, So that he can shower his Grace upon me in these trying painful times, where would i go.
& what ego can we have when that talent is him and that’s a means to help us not just survive by earning our livelihood, but even in such times that very talent safeguarded & gave meaning to this pain
And then later he shares baba says Boy means Behaviour, Man means manners & Devotee means Discipline & he shares Shabari had that discipline for 14yrs to wait for Lord Rama without feeling dejected.
Though there’s more to learn from Shabaris devotion, But I had told him, I’ll keep painting your portraits until you give a sign.
& today morning knowing this pain I felt within my heart, that inspite of knowing the Truth of my health diagnosis coming from Swami, the way doctors treat & judge by making crass comments….
To That pain he reached out with this Vision
That He is the Divine Author of this work,
& His word overrules all doctors and those who doubt his very diagnosis for me. For this work has come from him
9.00am
Above link to post
Baba, not only read the letters written on paper, But even those which are said in the quietness of one’s heart! And only the indweller of One’s Heart can know what’s addressed to him.
11.42am
With today’s Vision that too on a Thursday-9th, it’s Swamis love that gives your Power to go on. It’s this Belongingness in the way Love reciprocates that gives power to keep going. And it’s your Faith in His Love that safeguards you.
Otherwise everything else is simply Give & Take. I’ve experienced this Selfless love from him, Atul & Coco & that alone is my strength.
There’s Nothing much left to say, maybe next week meet the Oncologist & get the test done, if that’s what Swami still wants….Because now he has to heal!
Shall paint Today’s Vision too, Once the Surrender painting is finished.
Thank you For Everything & being by my side through it all Baba. Thank you for sending Coco in our lives, His love uplifted mine & Atuls soul. 3.47pm
Now My Faith in him for these 26yrs, Shall make the way & do all impossibles in my life,
After today’s Vision, Swami can no more hide.
He not only has to come & give both Atul & I,
A New Beginning. But be our everything.
This chapter of pain shall be closed forever from my life! And he shall decide when to send coco too, if that’s His Will.
4.41 pm
When you Know- Swami is your Everything then there’s no need to ask for Anything from anyone, Or tell anything to anyone. Because you’ve told him & he knows!!!
I was sharing the morning vision with one of my Freind, & even that how with Coco & Swami I walked with A Lightness of Faith, Hope & Love no matter the Challenges,
& Along with Swami, Coco shall always be my teacher, As he taught me to live with A Joy & Hope to take each day as it comes. Because Swamis love gives you that strength that you’re Not Alone!
& once again to my above Faith & Belief that other than yo, None can heal me, he’s giving his Divine Assurance.
10th July 2026
This talk I was listening in the morning, and it touched on so many levels with the divine-synchronicity, that ultimately Gods Word is Truth & can’t be overruled, like the Krishna Arjuna story, Whatever Krishna said & without even seeing Arjuna believed… & how Swami showed his students to have that Faith as Arjuna…
As for me, the diagnosis of my illness and this work came from him, Which I never doubted,
But yesterday’s Vision, Only went to confirm that he alone is the Divine Author.
And even in the talk, what was shared about His Grace that makes all situation light, that’s exactly what I had shared yesterday with my Freind.
So Swamis ways of divine-synchronicity are unparalleled.
Personally for me Swami always said this pain is only A Correction Not Punishment. Because of the way he’s reached out to me with this work. He’s more present every second guiding & helping.
Miracles are nothing But A Devotees Silent Faith & God reciprocating to that Faith & Purity within a devotees heart, By Pouring out His Undying Love!
11.33am
Hence this period of Karma is my Time with Swami, where there’s Only Love,
& His Will- Either to heal & give A New Beginning to us both….
Or let me drift away like a dried autum leaf. Because now he has to turn my life either ways,
As it’s been 26yrs of this wait.
But no matter what the outcome,
My heart is full of Love & His Presence within.
12.03pm
I had asked him, Will you send me to an oncologist When I consider you to be my oncologist, doctor healer, & he picked the chit- He’s my Oncologist.
So Swami, Now not only do you have to tell me how far this Blood Cancer has impacted,
But as my Oncologist do you want me to do the tissue biopsy or ct scans???
Because I’m just tired & exhausted of living a life like this, So Please show a way out, By clearly guiding me, & the signs have to be tangibly-visible henceforth.
As there’s No point dragging this after a 26yrs wait.
8.32pm
This seems like a last chapter from my end,
Now you as my Oncologist and doctor have to lead the way.
Test…No Test….upto you…
There’s Nothing impossible for you, So you have to give me the signs regarding this Blood Cancer & more than anything give us both a healing.
Otheriwse let this chapter be followed by thy Silence……. & let this work never be shared
Or let this chapter be followed by thy Guidance, healing & A New Beginning for us!
11.52pm
11th July 2026
Once again a message of Assurance to my yesterdays prayer that he needs to intervene more than a vision…
I was listening to the above talk, While working on Surrender painting & how the devotee mentioned that When you do Swamis work,
Swami takes care of all your personal problems,
Baba, Now truly is the time for you to take over everything in my life, that’s fallen apart, Which you alone know of. As both Atul & I don’t know how to go through this anymore.
And in the talk the devotee even shared,
How you saved his wife because she prayed for her 2 young children’s,
Swami now that Coco is not here, we are your lost Children’s, not knowing how to go about this anymore.
So please Come & step in and save us, because we genuinely have None but you to pull us out of this pain. Please make it happen now, Because it’s Exhausting.
Swami, whatever I offered through this work,
Came from my heart! I may not be Perfect in my offering….Or have that perfection of work like Atul has, because I rely more on satisfying my heart, Which I believe, in-turn satisfies you
But whether your diagnosis shall be believed
Or questioned, And the way you wrapped a golden shawl at the beginning of this work,
Saying you wish to give me this love….
& yet look where it’s taken me….
Where Until Scientifically test shows,
There’s always that look of doubt Or baseless questions, like the experience with the gynac,
& maybe that’s how even in future it could be with most…
If that’s how this work shall be met with, then the purpose behind this work of love has failed!
As the subtle suggestions to get tested always precede the Faith I’ve lived by.
Hence you take a call, if you shall get various tests or biopsy for throat lymph node done as even suggested by my GP who truly was kind in her ways of addressing this pressing issue,
Where she even refrained using the word “Cancer”, even though she recommended me to meet an oncologist & maybe even get the biopsy done.
Or there shall be some other Sai way to reveal this all….Which I know nothing about
Hence I understand the purpose of what that Golden shawl was meant to do, So that I’d have the courage to stand by this Truth you’ve shown me through Visions, Inspite of doubting minds questioning my Faith.
In My Heart of Hearts I know, I did the Best I could, I’m not Perfect & I shall never have that inclination to have any perfection too…
Because as I said- if I feel fulfilled in my heart that my offering came from Love; Then that Love Alone is enough for me.
This work is about Heart Of God!
So Now let your Heart speak so that all doubts, judgements that people shall have, upon reading this work, have Alreday been Eliminated before hand by thee.
Meet me to the Truth of My Faith & Belief, let that Golden shawl that you wrapped around me,
Stand for what it was meant to be.
Now let your Heart speak.
9.54am
Later today, in my heart, I folded that golden shawl & left it at Babas feet in Shirdi….
Saying -Shirdi Baba I offer this Golden Shawl back at your lotus feet, along with my simple heart….
Because I’ve spoken, But No one is listening….
& Because I’ve shared but the fruits coming from my hands aren’t as Sweet & Satiating…
So Now you, O Beloved Sai- Feed them from thy very own hands, The love & teachings in this work of yours, So that their hearts are fulfilled & for once their Hearts shall find strength to overrule their limited minds way of thinking.
Where in the Perfection of your love-
All Judgements, Shall simply cease & then they shall be ready to consume the sweetness of thy love within every word & pause that unto the pages of my life- you’ve breathe!
Because what you’ve shown me- has been etched on my heart, every Vision, Every Experience that’s filled me with Joy & awe that can’t be negated by any doctor- Ever.
But for this work to be shared, You’ll have to do something that No One shall Doubt & it shall be Accepted as thy Prasadam of Love
So Now you step in! Otherwise the purpose of this work is lost in all vain questioning.
10.18am
When I finished listening to the above talk & how he blessed the devotees wife…
I told him these Challenges have been insurmountable upon me, & yet I’ve believed your every word, I’ve cried inconsolably, and today too I cried….So much that my last drop of tear too has been offered to thee
Atul has to travel on work and yet I’ve kept it all together, knowing we don’t have any choice, by my calm acceptance of thy Will.
Yet you simply keep quiet. Can’t you feel the pain the lump on my chest. It’s way too big & heavy, more than the swollen lymph node of my throat, such that I can’t even breathe, let alone all tears too, have dried up now.
How come I’m met with a constant disbelief inspite of sharing the diagnosis coming from you. If you truly feel this pain upon my chest, then as my oncologist reach out today itself.
Otherwise let your Silence be heard as your way of abandoning me & not ready to take my life’s-responsibility. Either today you have to Reach out with a clear & visible sign…..
Or I’ll know- You’ve left me at this pains mercy!
For if My Silence doesn’t cut through & melt your heart then let me be buried in this pain upon my chest that since last few months I’ve been experiencing as my life has totally fallen apart.
If truly you mean every word - if You do my work, I take care of all your life problems….
Then Either Show up today itself….
Or by your Silence, I’ll know a 100% that I’m not yours to take Responsibility & care for.
3.15pm
Just now Finished the Surrender painting that I had started on 6th of this month, While listening to the above talk. In which the devotee shared how Swami wanted him to pursue PHD and he even tested him. And that Swami being the Divine Director, when we are in the middle of the play, we can’t see the big picture, But in the end we see how the dots connect.
So I feel this talk too, Swami sending at this given point in my life is Bhagwan’s Divine Synchronicity. Hence I’m sharing here
And then he plays a small clip in which Swami asked which is my Biggest Miracle and as Swamis discourse was being played, I told Baba- it’s your H2h connect with each of your children.
And later that’s exactly what the devotee shared as the audio wasn’t that clearly audible.
Swami, Now today itself Connect the dots,
But, Only & Only if my life is your Responsibility!!! Otherwise remain Silent.
The painting got finished just before the Aarti started in the above talk. And the way light is cutting on Swamis photo, the painting below has similar one directional light on Swamis form too. So I felt like including these signs of his Blessings & befitting to share the painting today, Even though the poem was given both on 5th & 6th of this month.
In my Surrender I ask thee, Do as you Please…. Whether I laugh, Whether I weep,
Do as you Please…
Whether in pain, Whether you heal-
Do as you Please, But You Alone carry me,
For I’m not someone’s burden,
But Solely Thy & Thy Alone Responsibility!
That’s All I ask of thee!
Until my last breath- Do as you Please!
Because you’re the one who gives life to this inert matter….
So from birth to death & in all my in-betweens,
Beloved Sai, Do as you Please!
Whether someone walks along, Or Whether someone chooses to leave, Do as you Please!
And whence shall my last breath be released,
Do as you Please! For I’ve left everything at thy lotus feet,
You want me to go through various tests
& be some guinea pig- Do as you Please!
For this pain I accept & even this Silence on part of thee, I Accept as Thy Prasadam for me.
Wheather thou intervene Or leave me at some doctors mercy-
I am yours & that’s the Only Truth I have to Offer thee- Along with this heart of mine, in which Dwells None but you My Sai!
For this pain has brought about a death within & Now there’s Nothing much left on my part,
Other than this Knowing-
That even if you shall choose to walk away & abandon me-
“My Heart is full of love for thee”,
Even if you fail to show thy love for me,
I’ll Accept that too as thy Prasadam & say- I’m yours & there’s only Love in my heart & soul for thee!
Do whatever you wish to do with my life- that makes you happy!!!
Because by that alone my birth here shall have its Fulfilment & Blessings!
5th July 2026
In Surrender to thee,
Let Clarity Shine upon all places dark.
If things that were paused in pain,
& if it’s thy will, that they begin with Greater Love, then let thy light clear all that was holding back,
to share it’s Love!
If it’s thy will to continue- then you clear the way & show the path.
Even if we need to go through the drills of doctors & test- you make the way in clarity either it should be so,
Or close that door completely,
for you shall by your healing alone- Open all Possibilities of Faith for my simple heart-
As my burdens were only yours!
Baba just show me, With Clarity,
How you wish me to continue & where to stop.
By Tomorrow End this pain, by clearing all paths! 1.20am
6th July 2026
above in the post Swami is seen distributing Prasadam
& yet once again No Signs from Swami, He Chose Silence & by that, My life is no longer His Responsibility!
11.52pm
12th July 2026
Beloved Mother, Are my prayers any less, Is my pain in this heart not felt….Have I doubted thee, For I know, you’ve heard me…Then tell me Why this Silence on part of thee….
Because I’m Not anyone’s Burden, But your Responsibility!
You’ve seen how my tears have bled through these last few months, You’ve seen how through this pain unto you I’ve held….Youve seen my every heart break & every door closing and Hope dying, Only to hold on to this Faith for yet another day.
You even gave the message- Since I Trust thee, hence I’m your Responsibility.
So where do you want to take me from here. Because keeping me in this Wait with no directions isn’t any way to live…
Today is 12th the date Coco left…..in April of 2022. Out of Respect for his Selfless Love, show yourself and give us A Healing & A Second chance to this life.
Now Please Come O Sai, Please Come O Sai!!! And heal everything so that this work can be shared upon thy blessings for our life!
9.54am
Later,
A Vision,
Just now, I see Swamis face looking at me with that one pointed stoic look, saying- “I didn’t get you this far to Fail!”
End of Vision
10.20am
PS: Finished the log on 13th, but am sharing here
Later by evening…
When Truth Swallows you Whole,
This Heart no longer is yours to call,
When you’ve loved him in the fullness of your being, Yearning turns into a love - that no longer is seeking him outside, Because he’s become your innermost core,
In Loving you, I’ve dissolved!
In Loving you, I’ve dissolved!
5.17pm
Just now as I’m slipping in very exerting pain,
He’s made me aware that he’s carrying me, this relation is very, very intimate, beyond lifetimes
& I can sense his presence carrying me & he’s been carrying me, Since a very long time.
It’s something that he can give within the silence of One’s heart.
Even whilst this pain is sucking all life….
His Love is Greater than pain, His Love is Greater than any pain upon this earth.
I was Never bearing this pain alone, he was always there & He Alone can carry our burdens,
& He does so- Willingly, out of the Selflessness of His Heart.
He has no other task, Other than Love!
And actually this yearning is only to understand this Oneness. That there’s No Separation whatsoever from Him.
5.31pm
And just a few seconds to listening the above talk, the experience that Swami gave me….that he’s been carrying me….
Brother Hari-Shankar shares the same thing, when he asked Swami how come you’re Paramatma & I’m Jivatma & Swami gives a beautiful example and then says it’s just a role play. One can hear how Swami explained the difference between Paramatma & Jivatma,
in the above talk.
And then he goes on to share that luckily for us, the Guru is leading us, carrying us with one hand & at the same time he’s also the beacon that says-come merge with me.
And His most potent weapon for our Transformation is Love. And there’s No human relation that can come close to this Love.
That every birth we may have had parents, siblings, spouse & we must have felt I can’t live without them, because I’m very very attached to those people.
Yet every single life our relations change, parents, siblings spouse change,
But who was present in all lifetimes, there is only one entity present.
And that entity is God, Our Guru patiently waiting, & when the devotee shall finally turn towards him & recognise this Truth; Lord you were the one with me through all life-times. That’s his Grace
For Swami,
to give me this very experience that I could literally sense he’s carrying me through many lifetimes, While I was sinking very bad in this pain…..
& then to give that above poem, the words that poured from him & then within a few seconds to all that,
in the very talk I was listening to, While I took a break from painting the mornings Vision as my energy suddenly dipped very low…..
Such that I had to cut short the painting by lying down to gain some strength, as I was moaning struggling to breathe….
& for him to time this all up this way…
I mean the lengths at which this God- Bhagwan Shree Satya Sai Baba goes to,
Truly, Truly, Truly He’s the Love Of A Thousand Mothers carrying us over many lifetimes, So that at one given time we shall come realise, That too By His Grace,
That This Love we’ve all been seeking all along, was Only Him!!!
6.03pm
PS: Since I was very low on energy,
Hence I’ve not written the above points as verbatim, Because one can always tune to the talk for how elaborately Brother shared.
Infact prior to this talk, Since morning I was tuned to 2-3 talks other talks of devotees,
But within a few seconds of listening, I’d stop that particular talk & go on to listen to the other talk that was auto-lined up,
until I felt it in my heart to continue listening to this particular talk.
Because of the way my heart was yearning for him.
Hence Swamis Divine synchronicity & His Timing is so perfect, and the way he synchronised the entire experience by taking me to this place of Knowing that He Alone was carrying me & always there,
& then confirming that very experience to the teachings in the talk, that too just within a few seconds, Only goes to show- How the master director has it all covered.
I shall Cherish this experience & truly am humbled for him to reach out today, that too on 12th for Coco & me as our Divine Mother, whose love,
truly is the love of A Thousand Mothers!
13th July 2026
Again his messages of Assurance
Above link to post, Truly no one is there other than you
This is a beautiful picture, earlier I thought he’s garlanding the man, but later as I keenly checked, he’s waiting to garland the woman & to me it felt like when I gave back that golden shawl to him, which he had wrapped around me at the onset of this work through a Vision,
So here he’s answering to that prayer….thats how I felt upon seeing this message
Swami, I know I’ve followed your teachings at the cost of everything. And if after 26yrs of relentless tests due to this pain, and some of the most difficult experiences & people that you sent my way. If after all the Selfless Givings if this is how it should end, Where this pain has stripped me off everything, then do as your Please!
I shall not beg, Nor Plead!
Because if Truth of my heart needs clutches of such begging, Then what I shall Receive from you ain’t Love!
And anything short of that Respect & Love isn’t enough for me anymore.
If there’s anything lesser than zero, even as in minus then that’s where I’m at,
At my lowest in all aspects of life. I know you’re seeing Everything
& yet you choose to remain Silent.
You say you’ve not got me this far to Fail.
But I’ve experienced many a failures & yet your tests don’t seem to end. If after all of these gruelling tests I still have to go through tissue biopsy & various other scans & tests, then so be it, But let your word for my diagnosis No Longer be Overruled by any doctor or any soul henceforth.
For Nothing is worth in comparison to my heartfelt offering in this work & to my 26yrs of Faith, Hope & A Selfless heart.
With this pain you took everything & Now you shall give back all that I’ve lost,
For with the Truth of my heart, I’ve lived by
And you shall make eyes that looked down upon me- Open to see me; the way you see my Spirit & heart!
Because Now The Giver shall Receive,
& Receive Only from you!!!
1.44am
Later in the morning I was listening to this above talk, in which a beautiful example of Lord Jaganaths idol making was shared & how Swami saves the daughter of this person who was one pointedly focused on making the idol inspite of knowing his daughter was admitted in the hospital & then, she was in coma & the doctors too had given up.
But since he gave it all in doing Swamis work, Hence Swami saves his daughter & assures him that, When you do my work, then how can I not do your work. Once should listen to the entire talk
So one again through that above message,
Swami assured me to my today’s early morning heartfelt prayer to him
Swami, Truly It’s no longer my Fight, But yours,
& on all fronts of my life, Where everything was taken! And now be it doctors or anyone it maybe,
That person is no longer dealing with me,
But you, because this is your Fight!
For other than you Ive asked for Nothing from anyone…..
& I ask from you, Only because I belong to you & it’s my Birth-Right, to ask but only from you!!!
10.44am
Later as I was painting yesterday Vision, this Overwhelming Love surfaced knowing,
If Swami wants then with a snap of his finger,
Or just by his sheer Will this entire work can be finished…..
But look at the Selfless Love of this God, Not only has he timed this work, with my Blood Cancer diagnosis,
But he’s letting me serve him, By Giving the necessary strength, inspite of failing body as well as crazy doctor that I had to undergo, along with other issues at hand.
He gave this work, So that I could find some meaning in this pain that was to come upon me.
He doesn’t Need me- But I Need Him!!!
To go past each day, every second, Where he alone Knows how the last chapter of this work shall be. Till then he loves, Gives Hope & Strength & even knows my innermost pain & tears
This HOPE that he & Coco kept me giving…. To them I’m indebted until Eternity & Never do I wish my debts towards them to be ever finished.
Because this is what Pure Love is!!!
1.17pm
A time comes when all your Prayers Dissolve in Love, In this Belongingness that you’ve come from him & him alone! This point where I’m at- Where Everything is Finished as in the world is no longer of any help to me, he chose that time to step in.
My prayers for most people, who may have either helped or hurt me- too have dwindled.
It’s all become Concentrated in this Knowing that I’ve come from him & whatsoever he shall do with my life is best for me & there’s Only Greater Trust in Him.
And from this point, I know I’m journeying back to him. That’s all!
Rest all in-between he’s Alreday taken care of & now he shall reveal that to me.
7.00pm
From this Zero & minus stage Only he can pick me up & save me through it all.
And this Trust, This Faith alone is my strength!
A time comes when your Trust I Him is Greater than any of your prayers!
Now the only Vision of Swami blessing this work is remaining to be painted & shared. The one he gave me on the 9th of this month. Which I shall start painting tomorrow.
14th July 2026
Above link to talk,
While painting the Vision of Swami blessing this work, I was listening to the talk in the morning, that Swami asked to include here through chits
Sometimes something transpires in One’s life & the pain gets so deep, that you just become quiet….. I was feeling this intense pain in my heart, that kept me awake till 4am, & Feeling dejected after a long time since Coco’s passing.
& these messages once again shows- Swami knows it all.
Maybe some Truths are far too damaging & better left at his Feet in Silence, then spoken,
In Acceptance of His Will.
But One thing is for sure…
He knows it all & he Never leaves you!
4.44pm
I believe these above messages, along with the talk of this devotee and the way he shares about karma, are all timely.
In Truth when Swami chooses to shower His Grace upon a devotee,
One should know that there are many factors at play behind the scenes, that only Swami knows about,
A time comes in pain, Where he becomes your all go to person.
For He not only knows your situation, but even your heart. And I know in your Trust & Love for him, Swami will go to any extent to shower his Grace, So that you don’t give up.
People who may read this work of Heart of God, shall know about the Visions & Experiences,
But the pain that I went through it all on all aspects of life, for more than 2decades now,
Only he knows about.
So one should truly not feel jealous or even judgmental of why swami reaches out to some devotee in a certain way, like he does,
Because the pain and purification the devotee goes through all those acid -tests, Only Baba knows about!
So it’s better to listen, feel inspired by stories of someone’s Faith and the love Swami showers.
And let those stories further fuel Ones own Faith in him. So that in ones hour of Need- Only Swami can reach that soul, for all the Faith that soul kept upon him.
As no two flowers nor leaves are same,
Hence Swami shall reach out in a way that shall be best for that devotees growth within.
Because when he doesn’t even paint the Sky same every second, then there’s no blue-print to ones devotion & Faith, Hence every devotees journey is custom built.
Yes the starting & end point is the same in each story- that you keep your Faith in him; Unfailingly & there’s Not even One single devotee,
who’s kept his Faith on God- Ever Failed!
For the end point shall be that he shall reach out to you, But how he reaches out, is only best for your souls evolution.
Hence to feel jealous at how he reaches out to someone & wanting those very same experiences of miracles is Nothing short of asking Swami to give me those very painful experiences of that devotees journey too.
Infact when your heart grows in Love for him,
Then your heart shall on it’s own accord of being “A Heart”, Pray for every souls well-being,
even those who may have hurt you in this journey,
So for such A Heart- jealousy is not even there within to surface.
If One wishes to experience this Love of Bhagwan, then all he asks is this Purity,
For Believe me, None has walked in your shoes & None can but him alone & even carry you through it all.
6.21pm
Hence these messages and this talk were needed to be shared here, for he Alone knows everything that’s happened in your love & He Always comes around!
The painting for the Vision given on the 9th is still ongoing, & upon finishing it, I shall share it here.
But Swami,
Now for this work to truly go ahead, it has to go beyond Visions & Messages of Hope!
6.30pm
And once again to my above prayers, that he needs to show himself more than an experience
Of messages & Vision, Swami reached out with this message
15th July 2026
Swami even before calling the doctors office in the morning for taking his appointment,
I pray you reach out & show, my journey is Not one way with you & You’re fully in charge.
Reach out with some Visible sign as your Blessings upon me
1.58am
Sai maa,
I did call for the appointment with the Oncologist, but they shall speak to the doctor & let me know,
if he’s available for tomorrow.
I Only Pray, Please don’t let any doctors or anyone Overrule the Truth of the diagnosis you’ve given to me through the Visions anymore. Please don’t let my Faith be reduced into mockery because you’re keeping the diagnosis hidden,
Where by and large most doctors have doubted because they couldn’t even help diagnose lupus.
Please honour My Faith in you, that’s all I ask of. Since you’re my oncologist who gave me the diagnosis on 11th February of this month.
And as my oncologist you have to tell me what tests you want me to do.
So even if you may send me here & there,
For me you’re in Charge- Solely.
And after 26yrs I’m not going to do any chemotherapy nor take medications that may put me in a place where it’s impossible for me to function.
Because both Atul and I have no choice nor any extended family support, Given he has to work to run this house & the way medicines have a dire effect, Where I can’t even function, I’m left with no choice. Because when one is living alone in pain, then one needs to be able to function for the most basic needs
So do as you please, if it is my Karma & there’s no way out of this Cancer too, then let me do this work where I keep painting your pictures and then I die painting thee.
For the reason to see this doctor is not because he can help or not….
But because you’ve chosen to remain Silent, after giving the diagnosis through Vision
12.18pm
I was listening to this above talk, while painting Swamis Vision. And he shared many beautiful touching experiences of his life. Even how’s swami had cured his mother from Cancer 40yrs back and yet not even mentioned it’s Cancer. And it’s only years later when she had to undergo some test that the doctors had found some cells suggesting so.
& brother shared how Swamis word is everything hence even if some devotee are going through some challenging illness, Swami won’t mention the word- that you have Cancer.
I know to me why he mentioned, because all through these 26yrs I’ve considered Swami as my doctor & healer & I saw the failure of medical science even though we live in the 20th century.
So only to ease this battle where largely i was judged inspite of the excruciating pain I’ve lived in, he came to me this way.
Later in the talk, he even goes to share how he was wrongly accused of stealing money when he was in Swamis hostel studying, because his parents were going through a challenging times,
And he just cried, saying Swami you know everything, but to get a bad name like this, what did I do to deserve this…..
& upon listening to that experience I started crying…. Even though this was a stand alone experience for him, but when you’re wrongly accused of something you’ve not done, it breaks you from within.
& the way Swami so lovingly as mother took care of that situation. And he shared the lesson behind it all
As for me 26yrs no one believed, as Science couldn’t help diagnose my medical condition, except for a few who knew the pain I lived by.
So something touched a chord deep within,
& Swami knowing it all & sending this very talk today, gives me Assurance that this time he has to come & back the Truth of my health diagnosis, Which none but he has given to me
Hence Swami now it’s your word against all doctors and those who’ve only Judged & doubted this pain
“Now you have to honour my Faith in you!”
How you shall do, only you know, Whether doing biopsy or some test.
But now you have to keep this honour that this work has come from you.
12.23pm
Even whilst this painting was ongoing, by late afternoon I received a confirmation from the oncologist office for tomorrow’s appointment
& by late evening I finished the painting of Swamis Vision that he gave me on the 9th,
& I shall share the painting on today’s day given how he’s planned everything. With the appointment being confirmed as well as the above talk that he made me share here….
A Vision-
Swami is seated in a pink gown & I can see him,
But from the back-side, not his face, and as I go closer, it’s like the camera pans and Swami is now visible from the front but his head is facing down, engrossed in writing something- and as i go closer i read the words
“With Love & Blessings Bhagwan Shree Satya Sai Baba.”
Vision ends.
7.00am- 9th July 2026.
Swami you being the Divine Author have to reveal The Truth & even keep the honour of my Faith..
And I pray you come home & give us healing
& A New Beginning!
Because I don’t intend to do anymore therapies whatsoever.
7.14pm
15th July 2026
Swami even before calling the doctors office in the morning for taking his appointment,
I pray you reach out & show, my journey is Not one way with you & You’re fully in charge.
Reach out with some Visible sign as your Blessings upon me
1.58am
Sai maa,
I did call for the appointment with the Oncologist, but they shall speak to the doctor & let me know,
if he’s available for tomorrow.
I Only Pray, Please don’t let any doctors or anyone Overrule the Truth of the diagnosis you’ve given to me through the Visions anymore. Please don’t let my Faith be reduced into mockery because you’re keeping the diagnosis hidden,
Where by and large most doctors have doubted because they couldn’t even help diagnose lupus.
Please honour My Faith in you, that’s all I ask of. Since you’re my oncologist who gave me the diagnosis on 11th February of this month.
And as my oncologist you have to tell me what tests you want me to do.
So even if you may send me here & there,
For me you’re in Charge- Solely.
And after 26yrs I’m not going to do any chemotherapy nor take medications that may put me in a place where it’s impossible for me to function.
Because both Atul and I have no choice nor any extended family support, Given he has to work to run this house & the way medicines have a dire effect, Where I can’t even function, I’m left with no choice. Because when one is living alone in pain, then one needs to be able to function for the most basic needs
So do as you please, if it is my Karma & there’s no way out of this Cancer too, then let me do this work where I keep painting your pictures and then I die painting thee.
For the reason to see this doctor is not because he can help or not….
But because you’ve chosen to remain Silent, after giving the diagnosis through Vision
12.18pm
I was listening to this talk, while painting Swamis Vision. And he shared many beautiful touching experiences of his life. Even how’s swami had cured his mother from Cancer 40yrs back and yet not even mentioned it’s Cancer. And it’s only years later when she had to undergo some test that the doctors had found some cells suggesting so.
& brother shared how Swamis word is everything hence even if some devotee are going through some challenging illness, Swami won’t mention the word- that you have Cancer.
I know to me why he mentioned, because all through these 26yrs I’ve considered Swami as my doctor & healer & I saw the failure of medical science even though we live in the 20th century.
So only to ease this battle where largely i was judged inspite of the excruciating pain I’ve lived in, he came to me this way.
Later in the talk, he even goes to share how he was wrongly accused of stealing money when he was in Swamis hostel studying, because his parents were going through a challenging times,
And he just cried, saying Swami you know everything, but to get a bad name like this, what did I do to deserve this…..
& upon listening to that experience I started crying…. Even though this was a stand alone experience for him, but when you’re wrongly accused of something you’ve not done, it breaks you from within.
& the way Swami so lovingly as mother took care of that situation. And he shared the lesson behind it all
As for me 26yrs no one believed, as Science couldn’t help diagnose my medical condition, except for a few who knew the pain I lived by.
So something touched a chord deep within,
& Swami knowing it all & sending this very talk today, gives me Assurance that this time he has to come & back the Truth of my health diagnosis, Which none but he has given to me
Hence Swami now it’s your word against all doctors and those who’ve only Judged & doubted this pain
“Now you have to honour my Faith in you!”
How you shall do, only you know, Whether doing biopsy or some test.
But now you have to keep this honour that this work has come from you.
12.23pm
Even whilst this painting was ongoing, by late afternoon I received a confirmation from the oncologist office for tomorrow’s appointment
& by late evening I finished the painting of Swamis Vision that he gave me on the 9th,
& I shall share the painting on today’s day given how he’s planned everything. With the appointment being confirmed as well as the above talk that he made me share here….
A Vision-
Swami is seated in a pink gown & I can see him,
But from the back-side, not his face, and as I go closer, it’s like the camera pans and Swami is now visible from the front but his head is facing down, engrossed in writing something- and as i go closer i read the words
“With Love & Blessings Bhagwan Shree Satya Sai Baba.”
Vision ends.
7.00am- 9th July 2026.
Swami you being the Divine Author have to reveal The Truth & even keep the honour of my Faith..
And I pray you come home & give us healing
& A New Beginning!
Because I don’t intend to do anymore therapies whatsoever.
7.14pm
16th July 2026
Swami the Vision you gave about this being blood cancer, the oncologist, who did a physical check of the throats swollen lymph area has overruled it.
Though Stating it could be lymphoma, but he’s now referred us to his senior oncologist stating that maybe we can get pet-scan done, considering the weight loss & fatigue symptoms, I’ve been experiencing…So just to rule out they need these tests to be done
But other than a slightly swollen tonsillitis he doesn’t feel it’s anything malicious. He truly was a warm doctor. But I mean what can they also say, if upon physical examination, he felt it’s Nothing worrisome. Though he kept it open stating it’s better to get pet-scan done as at time a lot of activities happen inside ones body that only scans reveal & given the symptoms, we can’t sit on it
I seriously don’t know where this is all going.
But my name & my Faith have both been overruled & there’s no point sharing this work too,
Because Who’s even gonna believe me now.
I don’t doubt you. But without medical science backing this, i can’t share anything as coming from you.
“Once again history repeats itself”
I guess, i’m not as blessed as your students.
Or Maybe I’m not an even a good student.
12.12pm
Later after almost an hour of waiting the second oncologist saw us, and simply given the scenario that in these last 4-5 months, my autoimmune related inflammation had not flared up, & these symptoms of weight loss & fatigue can’t be ignored or sat upon as the earlier oncologist too stated…
So to be on a safer side he’s asked me to do the pet scan, so as to rule out if it’s anything malicious. Knowing I’ve spent 25yrs of my life in this pain
Believe me mother, Ive not second-judged you even for a second,
Because I know my Swami won’t say such a big thing as ‘Blood Cancer”, as some casual remark, that too with the Vision you gave me.
But Cancer is not something like lupus that can’t be seen in scans…and tomorrow’s pet scan has to show that
Yet today again…
I’m the one put on spot, When it comes to this work & My Faith & Truth are questioned.
Swami this has to End now!
& even after pet-scan, if nothing shows up then,
I truly can’t share anything of this work with anyone. And all your messages of hopes & Visions of blessings & assurance have failed as this very diagnosis coming from you shall be negated & overruled.
& This is not how this work can ever be shared, Even though My Belief is not shaken in what you showed me through the vision.
Will get the pet scan done….
But you broke my heart once again- Today!
4.33pm
Swami you had said this is your test- because I’ve Surrendered to you…
But you Failed & along with you, I too have Failed! & that too, today being Thursday!
4.59pm
Swami,
All I know is you’ll always be my Doctor,
But if Truth doesn’t stand up & speak up for itself, Then I should remain Silent too!!!
Because whatever I shall speak shall always fall short in comparison to the miraculous ways Swami reaches out in prayers of his devotees simple heart!
6.18pm
I’ve Given everything to this work Sai maa,
You should have reached out today….
Everything has fallen apart maa, There’s Nothing left on me to Give you anymore….
Be it heart, tears, prayers, devotion, test….
Theres Nothing left to offer thee….
Let’s End this Here!!!
This work won’t be shared.
9.36pm
17th July 2026
if this is how A Child of Faith is met, then there shouldn’t be any Faith that governs the Sky and holds the Earth in it’s orbit. Because when God leaves you to die such in pains,
Then he shouldn’t Promise A Heaven instead.
As the curse was entwined with Hope- that turned Poison for the one that held onto it,
For That lil Glimmer….
that love shall show itself- today….
Yet every time Hope dies….
If this is how A Child of Faith is met, then let the Child die in its Belief of your word.
But let the Faith unto you she gave- Be Kept as your most Precious beautiful treasure.
For,
I’m too tired of all your closed doors, My Beloved!
Now let me die such… That I Never have to come back here again.
1.08am
I’ve Given you my Faith inspite of all the closed doors & being overruled.
Isaac Tigrett speaking of building of Puttaparthi Hospital and other interactions with Sai Baba 2022
Later I was tuned to this talk, It’s an enlightening talk & he even shares how Swami will Test your Faith.
As I was in a horrible pain and couldn’t sleep. Once again the pain was so bad, that I felt I won’t make it.
& to again go through this hell, where if the pet-scan too doesn’t show anything,
Then it’s just too much…. to live through such physical pains with no diagnosis.
Later…
Early morning Dream of Swami,
Where I see him standing & thrice with both his palms, he makes a gesture of Blessing & says- “Faith, Faith, Faith”
I wake up & check the time it’s 5.11am
it’s like he came to Bless the Faith I have in Him,
& in his word that it is Blood Cancer,
No matter the circumstances of being Overruled. And to say Don’t loose heart, Have Faith!
Grateful to Swami that both doctors were truly open to hear me out & help me to the best of their abilities. And they both felt it’s best to get the test done, as they heard me out & spoke with a certain Respect, unlike my many past bad experiences with doctors
Swami,
Thank you for Blessing me truly…..With today’s mornings dream….Theres Only one thing I wish to ask of you….
If today what Coco did for me, & I would negate everything- his Love & Selflessness towards me & wipe it off saying- Coco didn’t do anything for me. And probably in his most painful times, he would be panting & moaning in unbearable pain
& if I’d leave his side & let him go through that pain all by himself, Or probably even leave him on streets as most senior dogs often are….
Even after having a family for 9-10yrs & then they wouldn’t even know how to survive on the streets…
& inspite of everything he did for me,
If I’d leave him to die helplessly, even as tears would stream down his eyes….
Tell me What would Coco feel like…..
For That’s exactly how I felt yesterday at the oncologist office, When You were not there to back me….
Inspite of this Blood Cancer diagnosis coming from thee, and inspite of many Visions, Signs & teachings in this work.
You were Not there to back me.
Though I shall get the pet-scan done.
Yet, I don’t know if my offering in this work can ever match the Selfless love that Coco was & still is for me, But I did whatever I could do with all my Heart!
And yesterday it felt you trampled over my hearts offering & my Faith in thee!
& Left me to live in utmost pain that was far greater weighing upon my heart, more than what i experienced in the failings of my body, even whilst I was moaning, sinking through the night
That’s exactly how I felt, When you didn’t leave any sign, that too being Thursday, While I sang bhajans to you once back home from the hospital….
It’s like you- my mother ripped out my heart & it’s offering & left me on the mercy of this Karma that Never seems to End!
& the offering of this work, too meant Nothing to you!
So even though I’m painting today’s morning dream, I had to let you know- I felt Abandoned!!!
I shall always have love in my heart for you, But yesterday by keeping Silent you broke my heart!
It felt, Like I’m standing all Alone in this battle of life, Strip down to my very Soul & even to my Faith in thee….
Because being Coco’s mother,
I know, I wouldn’t wait for some pet-scan results,
if I could give a sign yesterday itself stating the Truth of the diagnosis,
Even though I cried my heart out to you in those bhajans, you still Chose to remain Silent!
4.30pm
Tomorrow morning we have to leave for the pet scan as well as so the serum keratin test as the lab where I gave my blood yesterday, messed up & is unable to send me the report
12.00am
18th July 2026
We had to leave very early for the hospital even though our pet scan was scheduled for 10am in the hospital.
The reason being creatinine test that I had got done from a lab in my colony, messed up bad & not only they didn’t send me the test results in their given time, but after multiple calls and having to put my foot down, they didn’t even bother to revert back.
Hence we had to go 2hrs prior to the scheduled 10am Pet-scan & get the creatinine test done, which is a pre-requisite.
So after getting the blood test done for creatinine, As Atul was having his breakfast in the hospital canteen,
Swami send this devotees talk my way & he began with the words that Whatever Swami says is bound to happen. As Swami says Satya is My Prachaar.
And then he shared about the problems his family was to face, which Swami in detail & at length shared, even though at the given time, Everything was going positive in their life.
But after a few months that was exactly how it transpired in their lives.
Above link to talk
And once again, for Swami to send this talk right now & this very message in the talk, is again a sign that the Blood Cancer diagnosis from Swami is bound to be. The way he lines up which talk or message should reach you & the timing in itself is a miracle.
It was almost 1.30pm that the pet scan got done. And after a very long fasting period of 15hrs,
I could finally eat.
As they need to inject the dye & let it be in the body for an hour & post that the Scans start.
And given the patients lined up for the scans,
the entire process got tiring
But when the scan had begun, and I lay in that still sleeping position, I kept praying to Swami,
saying- Om Shree Sanathan Sarathi Namah, Baba Please Guide us, Please Show us the way!
And I kept chanting this endlessly through the entire process that lasted 25-30minutes,
And while the scan is on, I get A Vision
it’s like Swamis feet are there and they look gigantic in comparison to my tiny hands upon them, as I’m holding them, I can sense the softness of his feet, of his toes and the way the golden border of his gown folded around. While I kept touching his soft toes. Like he’s come walking towards me and I can sense his feet right upon my heart
It was very comforting.
PS : finished the painting by 20th late evening
This lasted for a few minutes & some time in between the scan,
they again injected something and after an intial intense painful feel, it felt like some warm liquid was passing through my entire body, from head to toe, it was an intense pain, hence I paced my breathing with deep breaths to be able to bear that, while constantly holding on to his feet & chanting.
It’s like yesterday I told him, you broke my heart, that you didn’t even back me in the doctors office and through this Vision while the scan was ongoing, he showed, he’s come for me, not juts to back me, but be there with me
And then the first part of the scan was done. They asked me to wait outside and I checked the time it was 12.10pm just to note when I got the above Vision.
Later again they took me in and as I waited my turn & they finished the remaining scans.
later as I was eating, he sends this above message that I wouldn’t be here in this hospital for pet scan, if not for His will.
Earlier when they had injected the radioactive dye & one needs to wait for an hour, before the scans,
I realised today it’s 18th & that on 18th December 2025 this work started, to which it’s been 7months today
I mean who knew Swami would plan up all this, this way.
After two days I shall receive the report for the scans.
3.39pm
By late evening my body had an averse reaction to the radioactive dye used in pet scan, with very intense headache and chills, such that I was moaning in pain and couldn’t bear nor eat.
19th July 2026
Due to intense headache, and chills, I kept moaning in pain. And there was a slight temperature- 99f
Yesterday early morning, I was awaken by some sound, around 3am in the longing that Baba should come…
So today I told him, Why wait for some pet-scan and all these answers, For I can’t go through a biopsy, when my body is Already fighting this radioactive dye of pet-scan, Nor do I have strength for any therapies or medication.
Why wait, Please come now and heal me fully. Because I’m very, very tired fighting this battle
And asking such I cast 2chits and he picked the answer- Yes. He shall come tonight itself.
Now Sai maa, Come & give us a complete healing. Please don’t drag this any further, as this work was a prayer of healing & unless you don’t heal us, this work is incomplete,
When you yourself gave a message in this work,
That one should be relentless in their prayers such that either they faint Or you no choice but to give in.
& since I’ve had many black-outs episodes in this pain, which you’re already aware of,
So there’s nothing remaining in prayers from my end….
Hence Please heal us & thereupon share the Prasadam of this work.
Please don’t wait for this pain to get ugly anymore. I’m waiting…
1.26am
I guess because of the Severity of the pain I was in & the simple Truthful prayer my heart was emanating in dire Need of him….
He immediately came to me through a Vision-
I see Swamis face, calmly smiling at me with all his love, While both hands again in an Assuring gesture pointing to my heart saying-
“I will come, i will come to your house my child!
I will come!”
& he kept repeating these words with all his love & concern
Vision ends
1.30am
I know maa you immediately reached out to me,
in context to the severe pain I’m in & my simple heart felt prayer with the above Vision,
Yet once again it’s only an assurance,
Rather my heart would want to see you come here in flesh & blood.
Swami as we both know the Truth of this diagnosis & i truly can’t go any further this way, Please Come Now! We don’t need to prove anything.
1.35am
Please don’t wait till Guru Poornima which is on 29th of this month, Which means still 10 more days to go, because I have No Strength left anymore to go on this way
Please come right away, whilst I’m in unbearable pain & need you.
For even though I made sure to drink ample of water to flush out the dye, Yet my body has reacted severely to it.
So do you think I have any strength, to go through further tests Or even biopsies.
It’s just that I’m very Tired!!! I gave it all in these last 26yrs, But now I don’t have in me, I just don’t have it in me
1.44am
Beloved Sai maa, if this is my karma then I ask that you let me die in dignity,
Rather than dragging any further this way.
Because I simply don’t have it in me to fight anymore. By Tuesday we shall get the results and I wish to tell you inspite of whatever the scans show, I still believe in your diagnosis and your word is Truth for me.
It’s just that if the scans show anything, please don’t subject me to biopsy or cancer meds. Because I don’t have it in me anymore to subject myself to more pain.
I’d much rather die of Cancer then die every second, due to the side effects of medicines.
10.53am
A Time comes when Everything that happened in ones life- Good, Bad is enough! There’s No anger within for the way life met you. And for me all of this is Enough!
I pray this pain ends now!
7.15pm
Since morning I was working on the painting of yesterday’s Vision, Swami gave during the scan where I saw His feet, majestic & soft as a cloud,
But the painting is not finished yet and later
I even need to start painting today’s Vision where he promised me he shall come home.
Will do my part, take my steps….Now it’s upto him, Where he wants to take
20th July 2026
I was listening to this above talk in the night as I was awake until 2.30am due to severe uneasiness of pain, and that’s when I heard this quote.
Which Swami send it to this particular devotee,
You Give All your Problems to me, I will take care of All your worries, But just have Faith!.
If you have Faith I will Solve all your issues.
Give all your worries to me.
Swami yesterday evening this was the very reason I said Im tired, I can’t go on,
because long back I gave you all my worries & issues and even though you’re constantly assuring me in Vision, but in my life I’m only being Overruled.
So what am i to do of these words
When you’ve Chosen to remain Silent!
I don’t know what the Pet-Scan shall reveal, given my history where I lived through intense pain, Yet they couldn’t even diagnose lupus inspite of various tests
So what can I do, when you show me so many things on Spiritual plane through Visions & signs,
Yet in life I’m constantly put on a spot and overruled!
And not just medically but in every aspect of my life, because this pain leaves me with No Choice!
& the ground beneath my feet was pulled long back, be it on the front of work, relations, everything. I’ve been home bound for last 26yrs living in utter physical pain and being overruled by medical science as well as judged by many as pain is invisible
Hence I had given you all my issues long back,
But I know Nothing will ever Change unless you choose to step in,
For whatever is happening between us is an interaction on spiritual plane & if you don’t choose to reveal that you’re the Divine Author behind it all, then I’m a 100% sure, Everything I’ve shared here shall only be Overruled!
Hence until you intervene, tomorrow based on the pet scan report, this work truly can’t go ahead.
& it’s a dead end, just the way I’ve lived in this pain for decades.
11.55am
Swami around 4-4.30pm we received the report and other than swollen lymph in the throat region it shows no malignancy.
The report states-
IMPRESSION:
Mildy FDG avid mildly enlarged upper cervical nodes – imaging findings are suggestive of low-grade inflammatory process.
Palatine tonsils & lingual are bilaterally bulky with multiple palatine tonsilloliths - suggestive of inflammatory etiology - ? non-specific ? viral.
Involvement by a systemic autoimmune process is less likely differential. No abnormal metabolic activity or significant lesions are noted elsewhere in the body.
And that other than a moderately high suv it shows that the enlarged lymph in the concerned area could be as a result of some infection. Not even autoimmune.
As my oncologist today itself you tell me if I should do any further biopsy or test.
Because the entire foundation of this work are Visions. I don’t even care if I have Cancer,
because I have you beside me, But to negate this entire work of love, because a scan may not show up the diagnosis you’ve given…
Swami please intervene. That’s all I ask of you. You tell me if you want me to pray or chant but I need a direct sign coming from you regarding Cancer
5.49pm
I just Finished painting the Vision you gave me during the pet scan, which I’ll share it now on that given date.
And tomorrow I’ll start painting the Vision of what you gave me on 19th early morning that you’re coming home.
You’re my doctor you have to intervene that’s all I know!!! Otherwise I’ll just be Silent & speak no more
5.52pm
21st July 2026
Swami we have to go see the Oncologist by 12pm, with the pet scan report.
But I pray you reach out to me, much before we leave
You even sent a message on the 19th, that said you don’t want me to loose you want me to win more than i want it, Then Baba you have to show yourself. Otherwise everything is lost.
You are the driver of my life, you even send a message on the 18th, saying- Without my permission you will not come here, that too just after the pet-scan got done.
that it was your will that I was at that hospital getting the test done.
Then please intervene. I’ve given you my heart, Truth, Faith & Hope through this work.
Please show up! Because if you shall send me to the oncologist and he shall say it’s nothing concerning for Cancer nor biopsy needed then it’s all Finished!
& No one shall believe in this little voice of one’s heart within, Which is Nothing but God speaking to each.
Coco’s life, my life through this pain too shall be washed off, While you came to me in such A Blessed Way & yet…
if this love isn’t shared then what’s the point to my life here.
I can’t do anything regarding this,
But for you Impossible is Nothing!
And you must come & give a sign; So big that it can’t be Doubted Nor Overruled by a single soul on this earth!!!
Please Honour My Faith! Please don’t let me Fail this way.
I’ve Surrendered my life and this work at your Lotus Feet! Please Let Truth Prevail!
Because this work can only be shared on the Foundation of Truth, Which through Visions and messages, you’ve imparted.
I Hope I don’t need to paint the Vision of you assuring me, that you’re going to come to my home, Given on the the 19th,
Rather I paint the reality that you’ve Alreday come to my home & heart!!!
Waiting in Gratitude for you to show up,
That you alone are the divine driver and doctor of my life & none can take that place ever!!!
1.08pm
Entire Night my heart just kept saying - I Need you, I Need you, I Need You….
Please Intervene!!!
8.39am
Swami I’ll keep chanting Sai Gayatri, Now it’s upto you maa….
Swami, Just now while waiting for the doctor at the hospital after collecting the reports, you’ve send me these two important messages. One is about Sai Gayatri that you asked me to chant yesterday and then this second message is Swami being the busiest mom & multitasker which is so True.
O Sai Maa, you started this work because i prayed you heal me from this autoimmune illness and then from there you send your Shesha Sai and countless visions and messages and even gave me Cancer diagnosis. But now you have to fulfil your promise as my mother.
12.32pm
We met the doctor and he stated that since my SUV is high in certain level- 10.2 and moderate high of 4.7 at other level & given the symptoms of weight loss, fatigue & vomiting, we should get biopsy done.
Because he mentioned these levels can either be high due to some infection, Autoimmune inflammation Or Cancer.
So just to rule out again, he asked us to consult an ENT in the same hospital. Who upon doing a physical examination mentioned there’s no need of doing biopsy as in this case it won’t be just a tissue biopsy, but the entire region has to be cut out & based on his given experience he doesn’t feel we should go through this. And that he Alreday had a word with the oncologist earlier, Stating it’s only a mild allergic reaction that 10days of medicine should help.
And later when I googled regarding the SUV, it answered An SUV (Standardized Uptake Value) of 4.7 on an FDG-PET scan indicates moderate metabolic activity. While a value above 2.5 is traditionally used as a threshold to flag potential malignancies, an SUV of 4.7 sits in a clinical gray zone—meaning it could be caused by cancer, inflammation, infection, or recent trauma.
So this is exactly what my oncologist said that it falls into a gray zone, but let the ENT decide and ENT has Alreday mentioned no biopsy.
Hence after these past weeks grilling the entire Cancer diagnosis has now boiled down to some allergic reaction???
Swami with this, I’m overruled for life.
After 7 months of my heart & blood in this work, everything has collapsed today, because the ENT has given a clean chit.
And even though certain markers were elevated, they’ve overruled, simply on the basis of some allergic reaction??? Because the report doesn’t state much
I mean seriously….
It’s Nothing but a mockery of my Faith.
I have no doubt of what you’ve shown, But in this Kurukshetra battle if Sai Krishna has decided to leave me fighting it all by myself then the failure was always mine to bear.
You’ve not made your Presence seen as the Sarathi of my life. Nor my doctor, Nor Mother!
I’m fighting this all by myself. Keeping Faith in your word.
Yet after all the drama, Once again I’m written off
3.09pm
if you truly are my Oncologist & my mother then only come today with a Clear Visible sign that Not only is my Cancer & Lupus diagnosis come from you, But that this work too has come from you.
But today if you keep quiet and silent, I shall only take it as a sign of being abandoned by you
& you have not kept your very promise, that you gave me in Parthi, back in the year 2010, when you came out to give darshan in an open chair in acceptance of my prayer to take full responsibility of my life as my mother.
So after all this drama if I’m truly yours & your responsibility alone, then come today itself.
Otherwise let this day end with your Silence and I shall not knock at your door ever again!!!
Because after offering you my undivided Faith, through all these years, I’m tired of these Closed Door!!!
4.59pm
Swami through A Vision you told me it’s Blood Cancer which today the ENT has overruled,
So Now you yourself come and tell me it’s
“Not Blood Cancer”, rather than giving me some allergic medicine for 10days.
Because this is not done, After such horrible pain, being washed out of everything….
At least Don’t make a mockery of my Faith!
5.40pm
Beloved Mother,
Today your Silence spoke more than all the words of Hope & Assurance put together.
The Ones you send my way since Cocos passing, & especially the ones you send my way since these last 7months of this work Heart Of God! This day has ended with your Silence and now,
My Silence shall begin! You shall not hear me knock at your door ever again. Because you chose to show me, you don’t stand by me & I don’t want to have this relation by force
12.00am
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