Heart Of God (continue part 6)
- Feb 21
- 43 min read
Updated: Mar 12
21st February 2026
Swami if you can’t give me the answer regarding what was the vision you gave me yesterday early morning & even answer regarding this cancer what stage & regarding the swelling on my throat then there’s no point to anything…
& just this endless wait…With Nothing reallly making sense anymore… For what is the Heart of God, if we aren’t even Near & Dear???
12.51am
3am
Vision- Swami- he’s seated down, While he’s embraced me as a little baby, a young child towards his bosom…holding me close to him.
And rocking me, in his arms.
i feel his embrace within my heart.
Vision ends
i was awake until early morning, tried panting on iPad too, as i couldn’t sleep, for the pain was unbearable & has gotten out of hand. I guess Swami knows & hence this Vision. Even though I had earlier prayed to Swami for “Punch- the macaque”, who has gone viral as his mother abandoned him after he was born & since nurtured by the zoo keepers in Japan.
Saying Swami, “Will you please hug him & give him a loving family”.
And when in the Vision Swami showed he’s embracing me- I tell him, “No, Please embrace Punch”
these are some of the heart-breaking videos of Punch, Who was abandoned by his mother & even bullied by other monkeys, as he was all by himself & not learnt any social skills from his mother.
Above link to post
Above link to post
Upon seeing this picture this is what i felt… that even Swami cries seeing his children’s in pain- be it humans or animals.
O He took my tears…& made them His
When God cries- His tears too are for Protection & Upliftment of His Child.
Whilst he turns the salt of our tears- into “Nectar-Divine”, flowing from his eyes
So even Pain turns into A Blessing;
Upon the touch of His Light!
Yes, When God cries then those tears too are shed Only in love for his devotee…
For He knows naught;
“to ask for himself”,
Other than to Grace His Child with
“All of His Blessings!!!”
9.00am
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There’s An Unseen Grace of God that’s holding & Protecting me, i may Never Understand- Why he wishes to keep Silent & Not Reveal, & How all he’s been saving me- But i know he has been-
For i know for sure, the way this pain has turned today….it feels like I may not make it.
If Not for His Will & Grace….I know he’s kept me here!
& i pray He doesn’t hold back in sharing how his love alone has saved me multiple times.
I hope he does consider me- As His Near & Dear to share with me this. That i truly am the Heart of his dwelling. That’s All i ask from you my Beloved Baba!!!! 5.31pm.
Something has shifted within…into a difficult phase, with this pain I’m in. I still feel Babas embrace upon my soul-after the mornings Vision
But since morning the pain has gone worse. Like he’s held me here- for some reason as the scalp is burning like fire in inflammation on all trigger points & i know- if Not for Him-
“i Sure wouldn’t have made it!!!”
Though it’s evening now- i still sense his embrace!
5.40pm
& Whilst I finished writing the above & trying to upload, Swami sent this video- that Punch was not only accepted by an older monkey, who groomed him, but even made friends.
So He did answer my prayer & embraced Punch as well!
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https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVBS_o3Eui8/?igsh=Mjh2NXVrc3F5YzI1 Above link to post
& immediately he sent this video to confirm, what i just shared regarding the pain getting out of hand today….& if not for Him- I’d not be here.
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PS: I just realised a few days back,
When I was in a lot of pain & was missing Coco,
I told Swami, I would give anything to hug Coco just one more time….& asked him…
“will you hug me Swami…”
So once again this hug too was timely knowing my physical pain & even for Punch!
7.26pm
Above link to post
Truly he’s the Divine Mother, to love & heal all species including humans.
Later this message, every soul at some point in Ones life shall experience
Swami truly does enter when difficulties come & most leave. For 24yrs I’ve experienced that- i guess illness can be seen as a curse Or a blessing!
Those who saw my illness as a curse-fled & left…
But For me it’s A Blessing! For Swami made sure to sweep out those, Who were never meant to walk along
I’m Grateful that he was there to wipe my tears & he came as Coco; as pure love-
& Not some “Worldly Give & Take- Calculated transactions”,
& ever grateful even for Atul’s support, for souls like me have no place otherwise.
I guess for him to send this message today is so apt- considering “Punch the macaque”, what he had to undergo…
Believe me, if ever one experiences a pain like this- They Should Ever be Grateful to Baba- that he removed Untruth- So that one can Experience True Love!!!
For He’s Saved you from many heartbreaks, When he removes those, Who aren’t meant to walk along.
With This message too,
I now understand the vision- when Swami with his index finger- applied Vibhuti dot, on my forehead, While Chanting Gayatri mantra- to remind my soul- that it But Only & Only Belongs to Him!
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Yes, in my heart Only Sai…
He was quite persistent in chits- to include this message….Even though I felt it doesn’t matter anymore
For God knows you through & through & His Acknowledgement touches your soul! Somewhere Cocos passing did bring me to this Truth within, to live for him & Baba!
22nd February 2026
For it is to lay down Everything,
By the feet of the lord & to know that whatsoever he does is for my highest good.
That he has every right to take- When he’s given me all. For there was nothing mine anyways.
Birth & Death are mere passages-
Where He Alone is there.
& the journey in between, he remains silent as One’s-self.
It’s true when he says- “No one shall come & wipe your tears”; For you alone should learn to wipe them off-
In the knowing that Nothing truly ever was yours. Yes he has every right to take everything
& he doesn’t even need to Answer thy soul.
For what’s more left to ask of him- “When you are his & he is yours”
But Kindness is the breath that humans need to live by- in between the passages of time-
of comings & goings of life-
For Kindness is detachment born from
A knowing- “i am His & He is mine”.
So that in the given time on earth,
We meet & leave souls with “A Heart Of God”,
that’s Kind & has nothing to hold on as it’s own! For truly the Soul on its own- “Is Divine!”
8.01am
Above link to post
later this beautiful message, just loved the way swami is petting & comforting the cows
Was taking it easy the entire day, as I was pretty down in the morning. So even the vision painting of Swami, that I had started painting, I couldn’t continue to work on
Later by night swami sends this picture on my social feed & I say- Finally maa, you come again as Shesha Sai, as it’s been days since you’ve answered regarding this cancer- what stage & where this work is heading…
23rd February 2026
Today couldn’t go for morning walk…but that’s ok, it’s better to go with the flow…
Later this message from Baba….
Once again saying I’ll come to Shirdi by April, but I’ve told him- Now I’ll only come to Shirdi & Parthi-
After you fulfil your promise to come home. Otherwise I won’t come!!!
& finally with Swamis blessings post 3pm today, this painting on iPad got complete. The Vision he gave me on the morning of 20th, where I wrote
Early morning Vision- 3am
i see Swami in yellow dress, side profile- in a landscape of green & pink. He’s standing there with a burst of colours energy & illuminated light of colours
Vision ends
(I don’t know what it means)
So Swami now you have to answer what it means, This Vision that I’ve painted, as it’s already 3 days. Swami I’ve taken my step towards you by painting the Vision- Now you take your thousand steps & explain to me what this Vision means as well as tell me about what stage cancer….
3.51pm
To the many heart-felt feelings he reaches out with this below message,
as I felt, other than pain, there was Nothing….I ever truly experienced….
It was just one downfall after another…it’s like I’ve not lived my life.
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again a video of Swami applying Vibhuti dot on forehead
24th February 2026
I woke up early, as due to pain, I barely slept, less than 4hrs.
& later in my heart i take the painting,
to offer both to Swami & Shirdi Sai baba to get it Blessed-
& then A Vision-
Swami is smiling & saying- This is thy heart & it’s the Eternal place of Hope & Spring, Where i dwell as sun!!! Giving fodder to thy roots, So that Buds of Hope & Love Bloom.
(While explaining the painting I completed yesterday, that he gave me in a Vision on 20th of this month, for which I had asked him what does the painting mean)
& later these words as poem flows…
Everytime they trampled upon thy heart- they lost a part of me…
For Bullying doesn’t take one far- As it destroys the seeds of life within…
Whilst thy heart blooms of Eternal Spring- of buds of Hope & Love;
that Shimmer of kindness; As Smiles of God Sing!
For i dwell there as Sun- to give fodder to this Hope that’s Kind & Blooms Love
O Fragrant thy heart is
“The Heart of God”;
Where thy Sai Eternally dwells AsHope, As Spring!
Beloved A Thousand times they’ve trampled over thy heart-
But they know Naught; “They didn’t walk over thee- But upon A Heart; Where it is God that Breathes!!!”
For Thy Heart is My Eternal Dwelling place of Spring!!!
5.58am
Later Again A Vision-
i see Swami smiling & with folded hands saying-
“Thank you, My Child, Thank you for thy Heart-
& It’s Beauty & Purity!”
7.15am
PS: to my yesterdays prayer that I’ve taken the first step, by painting the vision, Now you take the remaining steps to explain the meaning of the painting & how beautifully he reached out to say-
When each heart- Opens into A Heart Of God- Swami dwells within & expresses Gratitude, for that Heart of God Alone makes this Earth Breathe!!!
it means- With you along, I cannot fail O Divine Protector.
25th February 2026
🙏🙏🙏
Swami,
Yesterday you mentioned to me- that my heart is an eternal garden of Spring- Where Buds of Hope & Love Blooms…
Then Beloved; All i ask is- Life trampled upon my heart for far too many times- Pls, You don’t do the same with me
Speak to me with Honesty & Truth- Don’t rob me off with an answer to this illness;
O This time please reveal…For we’ve battled the worst storms in Silence for way too long.
Swami you humbled me with your “Thank you”, yesterday….But now…
Let this Hope that sang within my soul & kept me going, Be met with Thy Kindness & Love.
Would you please Not hold back now….Or if you wish then I shall never ask you regarding this illness anymore….
5.40am
sharing this below poem with a painting done on 18th November 2021
Upon Purity of my heart- A Rose bloomed from my tears- See how Coco & i have waited….As light-White & Pure- Now meet us there with Truth;
That bears it all- this pain & life- it’s unkindness; We’ve lived; Without bargaining our souls!
Now No more shall thou- Hold Back!!!
Please reach out to me & answer it all!
6.01am
& for some reason….if you Choose Not to honour this heart in this manner- Then from now on- let’s just remain Silent!!!
6.21am
Sharing this painting done on 8th March 2022 with the heartfelt poem below
in Silence with Coco, I’ve met the darkness of life, Upon wisps of dandelions, We softened the dark with soft petals of white…
Whilst Silence has been our refuge & strength & it brought us to the door of God-
Where His Whisperings got woven in our breath!
O You want to hear God speak…then you must First learn to Listen to His Silence within!
4.14pm
Now there are No more prayers left mother…Now there’s Only Silence within. 6.12pm
Some beautiful devotional songs video
Above link to post
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Simply wanted to keep this as the girl is shown an artist & it’s with a beautiful message, of why there are pause in ones life.
26th February 2026
These messages where Swami knows you through & through…
i only wish to say this…
For me this work is over. There’s Nothing much left to say, Nothing much left to pray…
I’m tired of being sick every single day. If you can stand up for me- & do what’s needed for my life- On All Fronts; (he knows what i have been asking)
then please step in & give me a Closure.
If Not then in Silence let everything be dissolved, including this work.
I understand yesterday’s nights message of why he’s giving me this pause,,,
Because he brought me here- To the Truth within my heart!
9.09am
i wish to share the below heart-felt with this work of love done on 25th May 2024.
This Portrait is of a picture i took when lupus & sinus had gone so bad that it was triggering the optic nerve of my left eye.
For 3 days-constant, there was this swelling around my left eye & i was in inexplicable pain, Along with months of sinus as well as polyops trigger pain.
Where i was asked to undergo a surgery. But Swami had declined as the swelling was mainly due to lupus & just targeting sinus with a surgery would be of no help for a permanent cure.
I would usually shy off sharing my pain in this manner, as i was largely made to feel less of myself in the initial days, by some…
But after Cocos passing in tribute to how he stood by me, i shared this picture.
If love makes you unabashedly honour life’s of those who stand by you in your worst, then that love has made you free of all opinions & judgements & in turn laid a strong foundation of being Truthful.
(Am sharing this panting with the feelings i wrote below)
There’s a beauty in Giving up everything….
Even Giving up on Need to be Loved by God!
In becoming Empty, & in Giving up on every prayer- Releasing that Breath that held you back. And Breathing A Breath; “New-Fresh!”
A Breath that’s empty,
Yet Fulfilled…
That’s Solace where Mind has lost its impunity.
& you no longer have any Expectations left…
Even from God!
Where walking on this path-
By Your Self; You Experience thy Being-ness is God!
Everyone at some point should experience this Emptiness that’s Not Hollow!
“For All Problems Arise through Expectations,
But Experience in Being- Alone Saves Ones Soul!”
If you’re dying in the breaths of your body, then die such that you don’t need another breath of expectations to bind thee.
Die Free in the Knowing; That whatsoever with
This life of mine, He wishes to do-
“Is No longer Latched to an outcome of my desires Or even Prayers to control my life as per my likings”
Give up all- “Even the desire to be loved by God”,
& then in that Silence- Love thou art- Shall Reveal itself as God!
(This is the place this pain has brought me, while sitting in the park, this morning as i could barely walk, due to viral impact, amidst the dapples of shadows chasing light & crows singing to me of FREEDOM from my mind!)
10.53am
to an extent i had asked him to standup for me, just this morning, even on this issue of my life that in Silence i braved. To the Falsehood, mind games, injustice…
Along with my health & other life issues.
So this message given right now is truly his way of reaching out to me H2h, to my every thought.
Do you know with God- All your unsaid thoughts Hold more power- Those that you’ve said to him & him alone in the Silence of your heart!
11.37pm
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Sai Reham Nazar Karna…Baccho ka Palan Karana- means
O Sai, keep thy Graceful eye upon me, & take care of your children’s.
“When you show your Faith in me…i show my Faith in you!!!”
4.37pm
He said these words from within- As i felt in my heart that along with my mom & atul, i should share about the cancer diagnosis Swami gave, with one of my childhood friends too,
Who was very much aware of this pain.
But lately, Since she was going through some personal loss- i didn’t want to share this info earlier.
Yet upon my sharing- she felt- maybe i should get some test done- to medically confirm, it is “Blood-Cancer”
But based on my experiences, i said “No”, because of Swamis ways to answer me, through Visions & signs that are truly incomprehensible & beyond anyones understanding.
& as it is, What difference does it make if anyone Believes me Or Not…
In a world where even God is second guessed-then where does a soul like me stand!
Where for last 24yrs there were no answers that medical science could provide & now on the winds of Grace- Swami is opening all my closed-doors
& reaching out to me with answers, for this pain;
that i once- long sought!
So for any logical mind-
it will seem questionable!
But Faith defies all Logic as it stems from an H2h connect that I experience with Swami in every moment of my life.
I guess all my letters to Shirdi Baba, back in school days & later writing to Swami & mailing them to parthi- that one way correspondence is now being timely answered, in this manner.
Hence in retrospect to the conversation i had with her- Baba said-
“When you show your Faith in me…i show my Faith in you!!!”
4.50pm
later this message of assurance from the Divine Mother
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I know that Baba- i know that….its only because of your protection I’m here!
Swami there’s Truth in my heart!
And i don’t wish to anymore go through these patterns of being doubted- questioned or scrutinised for my health, as i did for all these years.
So I humbly pray, that you meet me with
“A Sign of Acknowledgement” regarding this Blood-cancer diagnosis.
& keep your word to Acknowledge My Faith in you- By meeting me with Faith that can’t be overruled by anyone, henceforth.
So please Finish what you’ve started before you ask me to share this work!
7.20pm
i already called on you maa- for answers-
i already did….
Above link to Swamis discourse of who truly is your True Friend
That’s True- “Only God is Ones True Friend!”
Even this message is so True, as in the morning this is what I strongly felt, that have no expectations even for being Loved by God, because a point comes in ones life,
When One wishes to merge in God & to merge in Him, One can only do so, If One is able to go past the bindings of ones mind; to Realise that there’s only God!
This is exactly what i had shared earlier,
When i mentioned about blood-cancer; that I have Zero Fear- Because Baba is there.
And this inner connection with him, with Visions, messages & signs, gives me all the strength I need!
Truly when you’re connected to him, you’re Protected!!!
27th February 2026
Again due to intense pain in my head & bones upon my cheeks & legs, I couldn’t sleep. Atul tried his best to rub my feet, but due to the pain I was in…
I felt too uneasy & after a while I asked him to sleep. While I lay awake…
Later around 1.30-2am
Vision: I see Shirdi Baba in his white kafni, & with this love-filled eyes he is sweetly pinching my cheeks- As though, A love of a thousand mothers, He wished to pour all out- in that one tiny gesture.
I barely slept for 4 hours, due to intense pain & was again awake by 5.30am.
But the body still grappling the viral impact along with the pain due to lupus, I simply couldn’t push myself to go for morning walks.
Later this message from Shirdi Baba to give me an assurance to my yesterday’s prayer-
that please Finish what you Started.
By answering regarding this Blood-Cancer
& even regarding something I had shared with him.
So after the morning Visions of him, this is the very first message
above link to post
By afternoon, Post lunch the viral impact upon my body, was making me feel feeble, with warm breaths wafting under my skin & I just lay, with eyes shut & in my heart, resting at Babas feet,
Whilst jokingly telling him, just to tease- “You left my hand, you left my hand….”
just so that he’d heed to the Silence within this pain, While I lay drifting in & out of sleep.
& later when the fever broke & the body sweated it out,
I checked my cell & this was the very first message on my social feed…
To me, Swami still has a way of surprising, by sending this very sweet & heart-touching message my way.
Saying That even if you Shall tease me- “jokingly”, asking- “Have I’ve left you”
I’ll reach out to say show, I haven’t…
But more than anything what melted my heart was the way his fingers are in a position that
he’s about to pinch someone’s cheek lovingly…
As This is exactly how I saw Shirdi Baba today morning in the vision, his hands were lovingly pinching my cheek in the exact same manner.
So not only he reciprocated to my joke, saying,
I’m always there, but even through this picture he’s again lovingly pinching my cheeks.
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Later, Such beautiful messages
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& this was so timely….Because Atul lately has been going through challenging times in work.
For us, it was not just my health issues, But financially too it’s been a constant uphill battle, with months of dry period, When the work is freelance on assignment basis….
Along with him, having to balance work & my pain
Even earlier when I had dengue Or couldn’t walk for months- Atul has taken sabbatical from his work,
So that he could nurse me to back to health.
At times giving up work for months-inspite of knowing that freelancing is competitive.
Whilst i too in the Strength of my Spirit have lived by myself in this pain,
Whensoever he’d be travelling for work, at times for months on end
So it was a mutual support,
But Coco with his mere Presence brought “A Rhythm of Balance”-
A comfort of strength & fortitude for me
& A Knowing of Assurance for Atul that Coco would always be beside me.
& now again this air of uncertainty glooms over,
I asked Swami- “how long will our life go on this way…”
& hence Swami, reached out with this timely message
28th February 2026
Swami knew all about the pain I’d be in today, due to cancer….So he already send this message my way.
In the discourse he mentions about how body is not everything & one should focus on the Self-
Saying “I Am God, I Am God” & derive strength from there on.
Above link to post
Above link to post
Baba wouldn’t it be nice if you would write to me too…Anything you wish to write- Only to me. Maybe leave a note about this pain…
handwritten; in your very own writing,
On waves of Gratitude; I’ve laid my breath at thy feet!
& through the Night- Other than “Thank You”, there’s Nothing left for my heart to give!
Gratitude is that song of a souls knowing; that what he gave- what he’s done for you so far
& what he’s about to do, in the coming futue…
“Thank you, Alone I breathe”
So, Thank you, Sai!
10.35am
I’m very Proud of you my child!
-Lil voice from within says
10.59am
Baba will you meet me today with Faith…..
& in Faith, Answer all Un-answered questions…
& Through this work of God- let closed doors be Opened!
There’s A Rhythm in Gods love & Gods heart;
Gods Heart beats of Kindness & He loves his every child dearly…Gods embrace is there within each heart- for every heart is he!
God is only heart, God is only heart, God is only heart- & he loves every soul- O So dearly!!! 11.49am
Beloved thou hast often said- “When you do work of God, Then God does all work of yours-
Unasked of”
Yet, I believe it is only thou, Who gets this work done. It is thou alone!!!
But in my Heart I wish to tell you today that I wish to see My Faith in your eyes….that but reflects in every aspect of my life! This Love that surfaces from within- That asks for something…
Not based on outcome of thoughts-
Rather from a place of deep belongingness,
I have to thou!!!
Yes I wish to see my Faith in thy eyes that reflects on every aspect of my life now!
There’s A Belongingness of my Soul to thee
& based on that Right Alone- I ask thee……
“Now let life meet me- the way you meet me!”
12.20pm
There’s A Beautiful Child in us all,
That we Bargain in the Prisons of life….
For Being Something We’re Not; We Become Minds of Others- We Become thoughts that aren’t Aligned with Our Souls!
“We Forget to heed”, to that lil Voice of
Our Freind within; Our Self- Heart- God,
Call him by any name,
But Know! None has your welfare at Heart, Other than this Beautiful & Loving God!
We Bargain this “Gold of A Heart”, to become thoughts born from other peoples mind!
Because we Believe- “if they’ve Achieved some material success in this world”,
Then their thoughts are far more important,
Then the “Songs God placed”, right within our hearts; to lend Music to our lives!
We Become Clones of other peoples thoughts- their Fears, their Anger, their limitations & hurt!
We become “Attachments”, to their ways of seeing, Rather than Holding that Place of Ones Heart, that’s Far Greater than all of Minds-Shortcomings!
We define our families wounds as “Us!”
We define the Fears & Anger passed on from Generation to Generations as “Us!”
We forget that in this arena of play-
We were those Simple Children’s, Who intuitively followed Ones Heart & went up the slide,
To joyfully slide down…
& again climb up & slide down.
But in that Sliding down there was
“An Unabashed Joy”, of Being Gods Smile upon this earth-
For We were never truly falling down - “Never truly Failing”,
When we knew, How to Naturally Abide within our souls!
That to Play each moment of One’s life- Is in One’s Being Of Being God!
We don’t have to Become something- we are not…
Yes Social skills help one navigate-
But don’t use too much of your mind & become other peoples thoughts & ways of seeing.
Rather Reclaim this Freedom within thy Heart!
For God keeps us Safe like none-
Play this game heeding to that Voice within -
For he Shall Never Fail Thou & whatsoever thou shall do- It Shall Spill Gods Love, His Heart, His Joy & make this Earth Breathe New!
Just don’t become something you’re Not-
Rather Simply Be God & play this game of life!
1.26pm
Swami,
Meet me upon my Faith….
For I’ve woven wings from them & have traversed through many A dark nights…
Meet me upon my Faith…
& let My Faith Alone shun all those,
Who doubted My Belief upon thy light!
& Now let this Faith Reveal my silent struggles through this pain.
For you gave the Promise- Thou Shall meet my Faith in you, With thy Faith in me!
5.22pm
Sharing this painting done on 1st June 2023 for my above heartfelt.
Beloved,
Either meet me upon my Faith Or like this sinking body, Let it all be put to Rest!
This prayer is both for this cancer of the body & for Atul.
Meet me upon Faith!
By evening, As the pain was too much,
Atul was suggesting should we do some therapy for Blood-Cancer, though he knew my stand of not wanting to….As Swami is my only doctor.
But he was saying, will you keep going through such pains this way,
the pain right within my bones, along with lymphatic inner thigh pain, which for some reason has worsened today, And with this Viral fever.
& I mentioned I’ve Alreday taken my call!
Later again these messages of assurance & guidance
So once again this above message is so timely,
As Baba is always a part of all your communications, be it with your spouse, parents or some Freind…
That’s how I’ve experienced Swami, for last many years, Where he will reach out to me with a message in context to the conversation i may have had.
Baba the only thing I checked is side-effects due to Chemo for Blood-Cancer & I don’t have any strength to handle these side-effects anymore…not after 24yrs of this pain, Where it’s taken so much from my life through lupus already...
Chemotherapy for blood cancers (leukemia, lymphoma, myeloma) targets fast-dividing cells, often causing fatigue, hair loss, nausea, diarrhea, and mouth sores. Key side effects include low blood counts (anemia, infection risk, bleeding), as well as neuropathy, skin/nail changes, and potential long-term issues like infertility, heart, or lung damage.
American Cancer Society
Common Side Effects of Blood Cancer Chemotherapy
Low Blood Counts (Bone Marrow Suppression): This is highly common as chemo affects the production of blood cells in the marrow:
Neutropenia: Low white blood cells, significantly increasing the risk of infections.
Anemia: Low red blood cells, causing fatigue, dizziness, and shortness of breath.
Thrombocytopenia: Low platelets, leading to easy bruising, nosebleeds, and bleeding gums.
Physical Side Effects:
Fatigue: The most common symptom, often persistent.
Hair Loss (Alopecia): Can occur on the scalp and body.
Digestive Issues: Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, and loss of appetite.
Mouth and Throat Sores (Mucositis): Painful sores that can make eating difficult.
Skin and Nail Changes: Dryness, rashes, itching, and darkening or brittleness of nails.
Nerve and Cognitive Issues:
Peripheral Neuropathy: Tingling, numbness, or pain in hands and feet.
Chemo Brain: Trouble with concentration, memory, and focus.
There’s Not been a single day in these 24yrs.
When I’ve lived even a day, without any pain or battling infections.
& I’m tired!!!
I know so many people have to make a decision of going through Chemo, because Cancer doesn’t give you any Choice.
But due to my 2 decades of such Chronic ailment- I’ve made my Choice & that Choice is to hand over everything at your feet.
& More than anything I can’t expect anyone to be with me 24/7.
Atul doesn’t have a choice given that he needs to work to keep the house running. & his nature of work is travelling for weeks, even months. But more than anything I don’t wish to end up being helpless…Not after such a long wait….
Swami, The decision is made already, When you had mentioned its “Blood-cancer”.
That I don’t wish to undergo any therapies of any sort.
“Vibhuti water is my only therapy…”,
I even prayed that please don’t let any bleeding happen. But it’s upto you Swami if I have to undergo bleeding & weakness too…it’s upto you. But I’m Not going to do any therapy.
I’ve been living with pain for way too long…
Now if some more time, I’ll have to live this way, then so be it…
Either you Heal me & Heal me fully & even Atul from his illness,
Or you let me leave in dignity, & Not Helpless!
That’s All!
Decision was made when you told me about this “Blood Cancer”, through a Vision on 11th February of this month itself.
The Only decision is for You to make-
“Whether you want me here, Or Not,
& I’m fine with it. Just don’t let me end up being-helpless…”
9.18pm
1st March 2026
Atul kept massaging & relieving all the sinus points on my head & was awake till late,
as I was in pretty bad condition.
The pain had got so intense that i could barely sleep & was left moaning & struggling to Breathe. While Atul kept gently relieving the points on my head, so that I could get some rest.
It was like the pain was eating me up from inside the bones of my cheeks & the nerves along the left side of the head.
Though I drifted in & out of sleep- But it was the most intense unbearable pain.
& I kept chanting Sai, Sai, & This too Shall Pass!
Later by 3.50am again, I woke up & For some reason- Swamis image- of him looking tenderly into my eyes & holding my hands in his & rubbing my palms in utmost concern, kept surfacing from within my conscience.
& i understood this Vision that Swami gave,
way ahead of him mentioning it’s Blood Cancer.
He knew then, this pain was to befall upon me,
& he showed his love & concern to me back-then, So as to prepare my soul to be able to withstand these tough times.
Due to the intensity of Pain I felt, truly what difference does it make knowing, what stage Cancer it is-
it’s playing it’s part of Giving more pain.
Yet i was Grateful for all the experiences that led me till here.
11.07am
Baba mein itna pain mein hun, Aur aap Chup hi hogaye….
(Baba I’m in so much pain & you’ve become quiet…)
9.45pm
later in the night while I’m sailing through these tides of pain- i tell him-
“you took a lot from me with this pain,
Will you Give me yourself…
Now you have to give me Everything Baba-
YOU have to give me everything”
2nd March 2026
the very first message after asking from Swami to give himself to me & everything
above link to post
Around 5.30am today morning…
A Vision- Swami is standing in white gown, While I’m kneeling at his feet & he’s got his hand upon my head & says- “Padnamskar Chesko”, meaning take padnaskar. And i touch his feet.
Vision ends
above link to post with Mrityunjay mantra
Somehow Swamis words keep reverberating in my heart all morning until afternoon- “padnamskar chesko”
I know yesterday night what i asked him, that Swami you took a lot from me through this pain,
“Now you give me yourself”- give me everything!
& Whatever it is you do it for me,
And through today mornings Vision, he answered!
Thank you Baba!!! 12.06pm
My Child,
I didn’t get you this far to Fail…
I came to Show your Worth to All!
In this life many walk the same path-
But some come to lead & to Lead-Alone they must walk;
But Alone they Never art!!!
When Sai grows in Spirit to their Soul! Nothing is difficult, When i walk with thou; When i carry thou!
But Leaders are born in Silence- through storms- they pave way for others- that you too can go ahead this path-
Where God shall be wings to thy spirit & strength when you can’t walk!
Be Steady in thyself & in the knowing- that Our love shall shine as a beacon for many to come! That all pain can be dissolved in love- if God Alone is whom One Depends on!!!
Thou have held my hand & in turn led the way… This work shall give strength to many my child in the coming days!!!
For My Spirit has grown into thy Heart & it’s Love has already paved the way!!!
12.44pm
When one is steady in Sai-
His spirit grows in thy heart!
& Blooms thy soul in a Strength- Unheard of!!!
12.51pm
Had started this work yesterday, Finished it right now as i was feeling yesterday, Since Swami has become quiet again, so I’ll paint something, just to express my love.
It’s about baba- his eyes- colour & feel.
And i believe swami in today’s morning Vision wore white, because he knew i was going to paint baba in white.
11.50pm
3rd March 2026
Early morning messages
What is the Value of my life in your eyes & how much is it worth- My Faith….
Today the ball is in thy court-Answer me today itself; With A Sign that in the Future Never shall my Faith be questioned…
Or will you too- kick off my Faith, by passing on the ball….
For, When this work shall be shared…
i do not wish to meet the doubters & those who pity themselves & hence meet me,
“With an air that lacks Self-worth!”
Will this Love of A Thousand Mothers- Put her Child through fires-first,
Without fulfilling the promise given to my soul???
That - “You’ve shown your Faith in me, Now I’ll show my Faith in thou”
Today either answer & give value to my Faith,
By Giving an outward sign regarding this Cancer that the message given in the Vision on the 11th February, came from you & hence None shall Overrule.
Or,
if the Value of my Faith, Truly means Nothing to thee, then pass on the ball…by Not Answering
& this Problem is mine & mine Alone to deal with.
For after 24yrs of my Belief in you, if you still Choose Not to Reach out,
Then lest Alone my Soul be dammed;
in the fires of “Minds Of Doubting-Thomas”,
Who’ve Only looked down upon my Faith,
for Nothing ever shows up.
& henceforth, I shalt Never knock at thy door.
But, Reach out you must, by today itself-
& show me the value & worth of my soul,
& if my Faith truly has touched within your heart-
a chord.
5.49am
To the above he responds…
Upon Truth & Truth Alone- i have carried you in my arms…
But today i shall Reveal; How A Simple Faith of My Child Alone can Bind this God!
Your Prayer has already been Answered My Child!
& Your Faith in me Shall be met,
By my Faith in you!!!!
7.37am
Swami Today is Rang panchami,
yesterday night, it was Holika; (offering Coconut in the fires, to burn all that’s evil)
Now it’s your Test of Faith, Not Druhvas…
Today either you shall shower on me,
The Colour of Faith you wish to meet me with,
Or you’ll leave me burning in these fires of your Children’s Minds full of doubt & questions for my Faith!
The way you’ve kept Silent for 24yrs in this pain.
Because i know for sure- Until & Unless you don’t leave a Visible sign, regarding this Blood Cancer diagnosis, My Faith in you shall always be questioned!
Stating these Visions & inner voice are all reflections of my minds making.
& hence shall be negated & overruled!!!
So today it’s your Test of Faith, Not mine!
9.22am
Swami,
I’m already burning in the fires of this bodily illness, Please don’t subject me to any more fires of the minds of your children’s now!!!
10.08am
For this double-edged sword
I’ve walked in Silence for way too long…
& I’m tired now, ailing in body & then being shunned, because the physical pain by & large remained invisible…
Except for Cancer diagnosis that you’ve given, with the onset of many physical symptoms like lymph nodes swelling as well as weight loss & now red spots on skin. So Finish what you’ve started, so your daughter is no longer answerable & subject to scrutiny & doubts.
Above link to post
& then again this message of Assurance
Swami, you often say, in your deepest pain, Only you’ll be there, None will come….Baba that’s Best- then Only you come & wipe my tears!!!
Will you do that for me…
2.52pm
PS: There are a lot of red spots due to Blood Cancer, all of a sudden, popped upon my skin- visible today. So in my hour of need- you yourself come & wipe my tears.
That’s all!
Swami this painting, I had started yesterday,
in context to my heart-felt prayer to you,
to give me an outward sign of Blood-Cancer today itself,
I offer you this work of love! I know-naught!
What more to do, than to offer you these
works of love & poems.
But Sai if for some reason you shall Not leave…
Any outward sign for me….
“Then let’s End it here.”
Once more…I’ve taken my first step…
But Now Beyond this I can’t do anymore,
On my own,
Now you take this work ahead!!!
6.12pm
Later these messages
Once again its the same message of how can I accept defeat- But Now with Hanumanji in the backdrop
Swami! I’ve chanted the Hanuman Chalisa too, just now…
the day has almost ended. Now you decide where to this work shall be taken, without A Sign Clear & Visible from thou…regarding the message of Blood-Cancer. For this is a work of partnership,
I can’t go ahead unless you reach out to me now!
11.50pm
4th March 2026
Beloved,
I came….i came again in my heart-
Both to Shirdi & Parthi, though it’s one place, it’s One form, It’s One Love- Yet I fell in love with both thy forms…
The first time Swami, you entered my life….
& That very First time, I was asked to Paint a picture of yours.
Though in retrospect- the first time would be when I had seen your picture in one of the beauty salons, that my mom would take us for hair cut.
The lady who owned, was of Chinese origin & back then they would put up posters of various haircuts to choose from upon their walls.
And right in the corner, above her place of worship-I saw your picture, as she must have been a devotee of yours.
Whilst I was thinking to myself- “Who would want to have this kind of an hair style”, being too young, Naive, Not knowing, Who you were.
Yet your hair stood prominent & that memory of seeing you for the first time, didn’t get washed away with passage of time.
I believe our connection has been for many lifetimes. So where does one begin or end its journey when it comes to God!
To pick the thread, Where i left, My dad would often visit saints.
Not religiously drawn towards them, but in spirit.
For some reason my family- both my parents & we three girls were always drawn towards Shirdi baba, even though born into Jainism; & into a household, where my granny would often
guide us into various facets & rituals of Jainism.
Yet I’d love to give a shout-out to both my grandparents, as even in that age, they were quiet open-minded to see that both my parents & us were naturally drawn towards Shirdi baba.
& I’ve seen my aunt even going to church & my granny never taking offence in the name of religion.
Even my mom was brought up in a cosmopolitan locality, growing up with people of all Faiths & celebrating festivals of each,
So for us God meant many forms, & luckily our foundation wasn’t build on rigidity that rituals of a particular religion brings
Cutting short to when my dad was introduced to a person, Whom you sent in our lives, during a testing phase, When my dad’s health was ailing, along with financial challenges of sailing through many choppy seas.
I was asked to paint a portrait of yours.
& out of respect for my dads belief in gurus- I painted your portrait, that too with both hands blessings, completely ignorant that the Baba to whom I had been writing letters since my schools days & was searching for in this life too-
had come to me.
& the day we took this painting to
Ghanshyam mamas, home/temple in Gujarat,
he placed it near Shirdi babas idol
& you accepted it, with a sign of blessing given there & then itself.
Even though I knew, academically the painting was not strong, Yet in your Grace you accepted the offering & something touched a chord deep within, As I burst into tears- knowing in the heart of my hearts- “I Was Home, I had found you!!!”
But you being all knowing-knew;
I’d be way too loyal to Shirdi form,
So on our way back home, every single time I’d shut my eyes- I’d see your form- Satya Sai Baba appear in my inner eye & I in my naivety, would open my eyes as to not accept another form into my heart.
Yet throughout the road journey from Vyara- Gujarat to Bombay, you kept instilling your form of Satya Sai, in my heart.
So when I say- I went to Shirdi & Parthi in my heart- it’s One, Infact all forms of God are One only
Today morning I came, offered this work, iPad, myself with my skin & bones, down to my heart & Spirit, it’s light that’s but only, your presence in me.
Offered it all,
Asking only this- don’t let me be helpless.
Give me strength to go through this life’s pain too. To Do my duties & paint.
& from this point here,
You take over, For on my own there’s Nothing left to do.
It’s upto you, Where this work thou wish to take, My Sai!!!
& Thank you for everything, Especially for coming into my life fully!!!
10.17am
Thank you for Choosing me to be your artist, even though I wasn’t that seasoned in my art as my peers, back in college days.
Above link to post
Swami,
When the Wait gets too long…The Faith gets questioned all along!
You didn’t reach me with your promise mother- to leave A Visible Sign of Cancer diagnosis coming from you…So i don’t know where is this work going…But I’ll let it be now!
5.44pm
Above link to post
I was feeling like a rudderless ship…More so that why didn’t Swami not reach out to my prayer…Body still fighting the viral, inspite of gobbling warm cups of kadda, So that this viral doesn’t drag…Yet I was quiet, feeling lonely inside, as Swami didn’t reach out….
But then this post below…
Above link to post
It Simply melted all the pain away within my soul. And upon reading that it’s a poem written by Swami himself, as written from his children & addressing to Dear Father Mine…. Such a sweet gesture, Where the Divine Father is writing a letter of prayer of healing for his child & about the wait that seems too Long for the father; who’s Him only.
He just melted my heart with this very timely message, that he knows my prayer, my wait, my call to him…..
But Baba, Now that Holi too gone, You still have to reveal me the colour of my Faith, Though Beautifully you voiced out my wait.
7.20pm
5th March 2026
Above link to post,
Swami begins the day with the message of healing power of Vibhuti.
Within the realms of my heart; thou Breathe Within the stillness of my soul; thou sing
if thou have held this hand, Then how does it matter who chooses to walk along or who’s left it-
As the bud is embraced in the softness of suns breath; in Thy Love Alone, I Stand Free!!!
Now there’s Nothing more left Beloved;
Even to ask of thee!!!
For washed in thy light- i bloom, i die, i breathe!!!
8.19am
i know my Beloved shall give me more than I’ve asked of Him!
I know my Beloved Alone Shall Heal me!
I know My Beloved wants me to walk through these fires of pain, now…
But He Shall be the First to take the Heat;
i know my colour of Faith has washed His Feet; & in return He Shall Give back to this world-
“A Simple Heart of Belief!!!”
For Never has a soul in Faith upon him-
Ever Failed,
For He Is The God of Kept Promises!!!
& very soon, His word shall overrule/overwrite every other word spoken against me.
5.40pm
Above link to post
I Believe we suffer more in our Minds; Then what others do to us! Because of forgetfulness that we are Never Alone- But This God walks besides & Never Once Forsakes us!
PS: i see how fear grips people, When they are in a constant need to control. Whilst pain has so beautifully taught me to love myself & let it go! But most minds have fear of loosing everything- While those of Faith are Saved by their Simple Belief! Where Impossibles are made Possible,
By the Kindness of God, Who Never Gives in.
We all weave a world around us-
But is it built on fear that eats on itself
Or Faith that makes you live life- fearlessly,
Even whilst the storms cast their nets!
The Choice is always Ours-
Our World is What we Choose to Believe!!!
Above link to post
Here Swami gave the same message,
about he being the light of ones soul & being Fearless!
6th March 2026
Above link to post
It’s true very few stay behind…
Above link to post
i hope in my heart there’s only you
A time comes,
When you simply become Quiet…
Quiet & Silent as God; There’s Nothing left to ask from him-
All that was me & mine dwindles,
The Boundaries are blurred, you as the mind dissolves into this body of pain & sickness;
that’s playing it’s role of disintegrating…
While whatever gave form to the mind- dwindles- with that you
& all that remains is Quietness of God within thy heart!
Peace of Being, that Asks for Nothing for it has no questions left to define it.
It Simply is- It Simply is this Space that’s empty; Yet Fulfilled! That’s God, Yet Nothing!
And this Space Alone carries the ailings & pains of bodies- Of Births & Deaths & life in-between-
This Space is God- yet God isn’t defined by it.
It’s just Quietness that doesn’t Need anything Outside; to make itself Fulfilled!!!
11.30am
7th March 2026
1.31am
that lil voice from within…
You know My Child, Why these conversations are taking place…
to that i respond “Why”,
Again from within He replies,
“Because of Purity of Thy Heart!”
& This Heart Shall Bring me to thy door!
This Heart shall bring me to thy door!
For A Pure Heart Alone can bind God!!!
1.35am
You’ve Lost Nothing…
But those who bargain their Souls do.
That’s why you have me & have experienced me this way,
& that’s the Sole Reason Why-
“I Myself Shall Come,
Knocking at thy door!!!”
Few early morning messages as I couldn’t get myself to sleep, till wee hours of dawn.
Above link to post
Above link to post
Above link to post
Above link to post
Swami,
Out of Respect to my Spirit, would you tell me anything else I need to know regarding this Cancer. And this time- Close this health chapter once & for all & help me Finish this.
Actually All Pain is Universal! Cancer too is a form of pain that probably accelerates one’s journey to the inevitable. Hence we give more Value to diseases that may be “life-threatening”.
But I’ve lived 24yrs in this pain & many a times the pain has made me experience death.
Hence I have No Fear of death.
& I know weather one says pain is due to Cancer Or Pain is due to some other disease, at the end of the day- “Pain Is Pain!”
And how far it affects the quality of ones life is what it boils down to. Some people with MS live for decades on a wheel-chair, Some are able to function through cancer & some live for decades, due to an invisible pain like me with no answers-
Pain is Pain & it’s Universal!
& I Hope each Individual in pain is met with kindness- Not because it’s life-threatening,
But because Pain of any kind reveals the Beauty of Ones Innate Spirit!
To go through some of the worse days of ones life in utter silence & dignity of ones heart!
In the end no one should see Pain as a competition for deservedness. For many die every moment in it.
Pain has it’s own language of isolation & Isolation is a must for one to turn within. That’s how God designed pain. That it will be alive kicking you from within, But the person next to you, won’t experience a thing.
So Pain of any kind that persists for decades is designed to turn one within. To reach out to a space where God makes the way. And that inspires others in Pain.
So this isolation is fodder for your soul to blossom into your spirit & tell others- It’s Not the End Yet…But I pray we are kind to all in Pain, even Pain of the minds….
As from our isolation alone; What Blooms from within is Gods Strength!
5.22pm
Pain is Pain, doesn’t matter if you give it any name. That’s how Coco saw me through- with utmost Respect & Dignity!
Above link to post
Above link to post
Reconfirming the early morning message he gave today- that he will come…
Above link to post
Above link to post
8th March 2026
Yesterday I asked him just this- Finish it now…
Sharing this painting done on 17th November 2019, along with this writing…
I know…When the Dust Shall settle from this Storm, I shall see you standing right besides me…As You’ve always been, for lifetimes over lifetimes My Dearly Beloved Freind!
For other than you who can walk along me the entire way…Who Shall wipe tears from my soul- that I reveal to none…Who Shall Whisper to me these sweet notes that- “I am yours, I am yours!” Who shall hold my hand- When I’ll have No Strength left anymore…
& Who Shall Gently lay His Heart upon my soul; when I’ll feel I can’t go on…
Beloved this Breaking point is my making point!
And it’s deepened my roots in the knowing- I But was always yours! This separation is a mirage, For you sing from within me- Even When life closes its door upon me; “I Smile- Fearlessly” Knowing,
You are Right Beside & within
As my Only Freind who’s shown-
I’m Not Separate from thee! & these songs of our love, Shall Breathe Music in the hearts who’ve gone Numb by difficulties of life. To Remind Each Soul- It Never Walked Alone- For God Always walked beside!
10.08am
Later…
At times life shows you the cruelties in the way a society treat animals as well as children’s.
While doing this work, i came across a post where a stray dog was subject to such inhumanity that it broke my heart….
A time comes when you no longer have any prayer left for yourself, When you see animals Or Children’s who can’t voice out, go through such atrocities. And then there’s Nothing more left to ask God for yourself.
You just pray for them & That’s all I did…
Deep down There’s Nothing much left to ask or say.
9.23pm
9th March 2026
When A Soul breathes a prayer, that’s beyond the needs of Oneself- But for The Self that’s equally present in another form- & who’s been unrightfully subjected to horrors of a Human Mind…
Then it reminds the Earth- “Not Everything is lost”, & these Silent prayers pierce right within The Heart of God!
10.53am
Am sharing this painting here, done on 20th March 2021, along with a picture of Coco taken in the park.
A woman that Leads, Eventually turns the life of all into something Beautiful!!!
Because A Woman that abides in her Self is
“A Power-house of Gods Breath”, & she in her Silence, like water, cuts mountains into pebbles to carve out “A New Way!”
A woman that leads, takes an Entire Civilisation Where men can’t even fathom to reach!
1.14pm
this message here again is so apt, as today evening, Atul travelled to Lonavala for his childhood friends sons wedding, which we both were invited to. But due to this pain, I backed off, somehow being by myself, quiet in this peace, no matter how bad the pain gets is more appealing to my soul, So no amount of coaxing on his part, changed my inner call of staying back home.
As he kept convincing me to join, that i can rest in the hotel room, if I don’t wish to attend the functions.
But in my heart, I’ve lost patience with such social gatherings, given the pain I’m in due to Cancer, that leaves me drained out & more so because so many things seem irrelevant due to living a life in pain for decades.
Since I followed my heart, this was Swamis way to acknowledge.
11.40pm
10th March 2026
that lil voice from within-
“I will come, I will come my dear child”, “Very soon this Sai-maa will come!” 1.34am
As Breath upon Breath, Dissolves in him; it’s not even a thought that i need- to think of Him, For there’s no me separate, & there’s no him to reach to…As Breath upon Breath dissolves- Who can say it’s me it’s him, for it’s not even a thought i need to think of him…When this Presence within is the Only Truth- & Awareness is the state of Being. Who’s there to see separateness, When there is only Him!
9.11am
to his above message, my heart broke into poem & a painting to go along with the above poem.
Love is in the being; When you don’t even Need a thought to think of him!
Above link to post
This above message of Baba is his way of reaching out to me, regarding that stray dogs incident I shared yesterday.
Infact a few years earlier, when i had come across some disturbing post of another animal who too was unjustly met….
i had cried at that time & Swami then, had send me a message- that in a place where negative karma is predominant like say a war happens, riots happens or in this case of this puppy, where he was chased & brutally killed-
Fear is the predominant energy where Collective Negative Karma takes precedence & in that many innocent souls get swept away.
But Swami then went on to give an assurance that when such innocent souls are met with untimely death at the hands of Fear- then their souls are received by Him & are further blessed with an evolution in that souls journey.
Be it rape, murders to children’s, women’s or animals then it is the Self within- the God within them- call it Swami or any name of God, that in Truth- bears the burden of that collective karma.
That it is Swami, Who takes that pain upon him & helps that soul who was innocently caught up in this Collective- Negative-karma- to Rise!
Lately even with this pain of Cancer he has been showing me the same, that it is He who’s bearing this pain.
So anyone who’s subjecting another soul in some kind of pain in an inhumane way, be it physically or mentally thats Unjust - is in Truth inflicting that pain upon God!
That’s why Swami says if you can hep then help- But refrain from doing any harm.
& through the above message Swami, explained how in truth- the God within each soul bears the pain, & especially of those who are innocent.
So even if it’s not an end to acts of such crimes, the only Solace for one is to know-
that the souls, Who are swept into something like this- aren’t alone.
God takes that pain upon him. Yet I may never come to a space of Understanding for such minds ever.
But Im Thankful that Swami did answer & reminded me that it He who takes the pain of his children’s.
2.10pm
Swami since you’re a part & partner in this work- Can you please reach out if we should do a CBC with differential. Pls guide me because I’m really struggling with these cold sweats & flu-like symptoms & lethargy.
This time too you go first, if you want me to do a particular test that’s non-invasive, no bone marrow please.
Please reach out, Because I’m feeling under the weather & it’s exhausting!
4.22pm
you’ve been there even before any test, since the onset of this pain,
but since you’ve given me this thought due to this ongoing pain- then please reach out & guide.
It’s to know where do I stand. Either you tell me without any blood test Or let me know if we should go ahead with some test! But I’m sure I don’t wish to go through chemotherapy. I’ll take Vibhuti no matter how worse it may get-
Knowing well, it’s you who’s bearing this pain for me.
4.50pm
Above link to post
It’s true, Ask Nothing from Him, But His Grace! As that alone shall help you sail through storms of life.
Above link to post
Worry for Future is no longer there, it’s dwindled…though I had asked him in chits should we do some blood test, Or will you answer. And he said he shall answer regarding this Cancer. As it is getting lethargic & painful day by day. Sharing this message as it’s about Faith & Faith has got me this far.
Above link to post
Just now while posting this- the last message of the day…. All I can say is I Chose you over & over again over everything, When many times I was reminded I did wrong by doing so….Now You Choose me & not only answer regarding this Cancer, But Come!!!
11th March 2026
Today this Truth in me says, It’s Enough Swami,
It’s Enough this Wait, It’s Enough this Faith…It’s Enough this life & it’s Pain. Swami after offering everything of my heart, There’s Nothing much left to offer now…
This body is riding its own roller-coster of pain & frankly I care less now & am done with this too.
For me the Future truly doesn’t exist.
Because for last 24yrs my “Now”, has been a constant struggle for Survival & even that’s enough now!!!
As I said I do not even have patience for minds, Who for no reason create problems in their & other people life’s- I no more care even for that.
But more so, It is Enough Now- this Patience, this Faith, This Surrender & Trust, Even this Heart….
Yes even this Heart is Enough now & all of its prayers. Whatever Shall be, Shall be, I Care less for Everything!
I am done here that’s all!
Swami I can Hope that you do reach out to me, with this Blood Cancer, Where do I stand with it. As these symptoms of cold-sweats, that often leave my clothes damp, along with feverishness
& pain related to it is exhausting…
As you mentioned in chits Maybe I’ll do a routine CBC tomorrow, But Going by my history, i won’t be surprised if the CBC will show anything at all…
& even doing this test is only considered a red flag to something bigger based on the parameters & not an actual diagnosis for Blood Cancer.
As there are other tests one needs to follow up with based on CBC results.
Simply Wish to know how far the damage is…hence the test, Though in no way, I intend to put my life in the hands of some doctor, For I’m very well Aware, they aren’t going to be of any help & Nor do i wish to take any medications.
But just wish to know where do i stand with this Cancer. Since it’s been a month today to the Vision you gave me of Blood Cancer & since then you’ve become Silent!
12.06pm
Baba you’ve always asked me to Choose Peace over an argument & Forgiveness over resentment-hatred, Which i have with All my Heart, & in doing so have given far too many chances to those,
Who couldn’t understand the pain I’ve lived in.
But Never was my giving based on “calculated-returns”
Yet i ask, Only of you- Meet me with the kindness I’ve shown to others.
2.21pm
later messages from Swami
Yes that’s True because God is the Self, He is your very own Self & Nothing can stand in the way of This Truth!
Above link to post
Wish to share this poem with a painting of Coco I had done on 29th September 2022
Meet me with Kindness of Cocos Heart!
Meet me through Love that poured even through His Silence…
Meet me with A Belongingness of souls,
Where Our Love Shall carry on- Even after bodies are gone…
For I’ve Crossed the threshold….
Now meet me as you….
Otherwise this Love shall not be a love- “Pure”
Now either meet me with All of your Heart & Soul Or Nothing At All.
For that’s how Coco met me, & after him,
I can’t settle for less of an heart….After having tasted the sweetness of
“A Love- So Pure!”
11.43pm
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