Heart of God (continue part 9)
- May 6
- 48 min read
Updated: May 30
1st May 2026
Above link to Swamis darshan
There are some tears that you offer to him,
But you offer him in the quietness of your heart,
There is some pain that you offer him,
But you offer him in the Sanctity of your soul.
Because you simply can’t do it on your own!
& you realise it’s Not your place to carry it anymore
So you ask Him to deal with it- Because you Trust him Unconditionally that the pain you’ve surrendered at his feet;
Only He can turn that pain; into something- that’s good for the blossoming of your Spirit
For he knows your tears & even the Purity with which your soul breathes!
Some Pains are only to be shared between you & him!!!
For others can’t bear the fires- that burnt you down to your toes!
But when the fires of pain get too much to bear- then Give it to him & None!!!!
4.05am
4.25am
Vision - Satya Sai baba is seen with his right hand of Abhayahastha- hand blessing, smiling lovingly, Assuring me, “Why Fear when i am here”
That lil Voice from within-
Your Implicit Faith & Trust shall carry you through these pains of life; Know when Nothing shall make any sense in this pain- Yet you’ll go on- It’s because of your Sai!
3.33pm
Once again severe impact due to Blood cancer, chills as well as cold sweat through the day.
Along with lupus flare upon scalp, leaving me drained, such that I’ll not make it.
Some days go by, When it’s too much to go through pains like these & there’s no energy even to speak. All you can do is go in flow with the raging rivers of life, just keep your head above
& let the current take you, where it wishes to take. Knowing he holds your life’s reign.
2nd May 2026
Again that lil voice within…
Your Sai knows! Your Sai knows! Your Sai knows! This Knowing & Silence is your greatest strength! Every single moment has brought you to me.
Even this Pain is A Gift, Cherish it!!
I carry you in ways you can’t even think!
Your life is beautiful & Unique!
When your mind weighs in pain- Hold on to this Simple Truth within- That your Sai Knows Everything! & your life here & this pain shall not pass without giving Fragrance of my love to others in need!
I Respect you immensely!!!
For your Mind is like a Freshly bloomed flower my child & it’s here to Reveal my perfume of what Gods love can Blossom within!
I Respect you for the place you’re in.
People see you for your pain- But they don’t see how beautiful is your spirit- For it not only withstood this pain; But grew something beautiful out of it!
I Respect you my child! For the way you’ve let my love blossom through your everything’s!!!
9.09am
Someday if you see a pool of blue by His Lotus feet; Know I’ve left my Tears of Gratitude,
for he showed me love & to love myself with a Mind as Pure as Him!
He showed me how he sees me!!!!
Vision
(I was able to finsih the painting of this Vision by 6th late evening)
i see Shirdi Baba in his white Kafni, in waist deep water, holding a baby in his arms, in his embrace, saying- Now Nothing can touch you My Child,
For anything or anyone tries to harm you,
they will have to go through me first.
There’s a soft yellow sun behind him, while his kafni around his wrist is dripping water. As he stands there holding a baby with a towering presence.
Vision ends
9.40am.
Through this Vision Shirdi baba was showing that the baby he’s holding in his arms is me. And that no matter this physical pain through cancer Or whether someone’s behaviour towards me may be unkind, shall be dealt with him. That nothing can touch me, because he shall deal with it.
Does your heart Breathe of God; When someone hurts you, Do you wish pain for them…
& in-turn loose within that Purity of Love
For your hearts song shall dwindle into dust! Yours is to remain True to thyself- Walk away if someone doesn’t get thy Kindness- But don’t loose being Kind; Which Only emits from the fragrance of God. Yours is to learn & grow in Self; leaving ones deliverance in the hands of God;
Yet yours is to Be God & say - Forgive them,
For they truly don’t know what they’re doing…Forgive them, So that there’s lesser pain upon this earth.
Because Gods justice is not to Give Pain; But to Correct as a Reminder they are in Truth Love!!!
12.47pm.
By late evening along with this health giving in, this deep, deep feeling to merge in him, I need only him. Only him! Though we took a break & went out for dinner. And whatever is done, it’s all done as an offering to him. Yet it feels, being here is not enough now, it’s not enough anymore.
7.00pm
Yes only he can turn your tears of pain into tears of Gratitude
3rd May 2026
When longing for him crosses all threshold;
& there’s Nothing else you want more….
When there’s no mantra, No Prayer even left;
& your heart only calls out-
“Om Sai Ram”, “Om Sai Ram”,
Yet you wonder- Does he know…O Does he know; that He Alone is your Home!!!
Yes, He Alone is your home; for so cut off you are from this world- yes he alone is your home,
But does he know??? O does He know…….
2.00am
Since yesterday late evening, i felt so cut off from everything- like i don’t belong here, I only Need Him!
Everything is Lost! & he’s my home!
No longer do I wish for any healing Nor anything- just need him.
Please Forgive me & please let me merge in thee!!!
Was awake till late & later when I woke up, it was this strong feeling- “What am I doing here, I should have left with Coco”,
In my heart I take myself to Swamis feet & Shirdi babas feet, & I offer my heart. Saying there’s Nothing left with me to offer you anymore.
I told him- the heart that I’ve offered you is Pure, the way you gave me.
See Baba, there are No Blemishes of any fear, anger, judgments, hatred, sadness.
See it’s Pure like you gave me. But now I offer it back to you, for I have Nothing more left to offer other than this.
The seeds of desires have all dried & are dead. Please take me home! Because I’m tired of living this life.
I’ve seen it all, good, bad, ugly
Yet I’ve kept this heart untouched by the pains of life.
But now I’ve come to you as Coco.
& all I ask is please take me too & let me merge into thy Presence of love & let this body meet its end.
Because i have Nothing left to keep me here.
Not even that desire to exhibit.
Even this work, if you wish to share, then please share it after you’ve taken me.
I don’t wish to be here for anything maa.
I braved it for 26yrs through this pain. But Now it’s Enough!!!
9.40am
This particular message is in similar context to yesterdays Vision that he shall meet with all pain & unkindness, even before it touches me
4th May 2026
I was very down due to pain, but somehow with this intense longing for Swami, I had no desires or wishes left, other than that I truly wish to go home in this birth. No more birth for me. And all I’d do through the day, is hold on to Swamis feet in my heart & ask him to take me home & forgive my mistakes. Through the day there was no other feeling or thought, simply that I wish to be home now.
Vision i see Swami standing, gently bending down, with both his hands of blessing placed right upon my head, as I’m seated down.
6.30pm
5th May 2026
Was awake till 5am in extreme pain upon my scalp with trigger points inflamed. Atul tried to relieve the points upon my scalp, as he too was awake editing his work. But yet the pain kept me awake.
Later i was able to catch 5 hours of sleep.
But upon waking i again get the same vision of yesterday- i see Swami standing, gently bending down, with both his hands of blessing placed right upon my head, as I’m seated down.
But, today the Vision wasn’t a quick passing experience like yesterday…. Hence I painted the Vision again, but with a slight difference in angle & in this particular work,
Im seated with hands folded in Gratitude for his immense Grace
As every time I’d shut my eyes- I’d see Swami standing in front of me, with both hands of blessings placed upon my head- it was like this Vison kept growing into this Presence of Bhagwan showing he’s not left me ever.
That he is Omnipresence & ever present by my side.
10.00am
I then googled the spiritual significance of this Vision, here is the answer
A vision of Sathya Sai Baba placing both hands on your head is considered a highly profound and sacred blessing, often interpreted by devotees as a sign of supreme grace, total protection, and divine assurance
Significance of the Vision
Total Protection & Grace: Having hands placed on the head (Padanamaskar/blessing) is believed to be the healing touch that wards off evil, wipes out disease, and rewrites destiny.
"I Am With You Always": This gesture is commonly interpreted as Baba's assurance that He is always with the devotee, acting as a spiritual father and constant companion.
Liberation and Deep Affection: Such a vision is often seen as a rare opportunity and a reward for deep devotion, conveying immense love and compassion.
Blessing of Both Hands: While one hand signifies blessing, both hands raised or placed signifies a complete transfer of grace and a "boon-conferring" gesture, assuring that all anxieties are removed
Interpretation & Context
Divine Assurance: Devotees who experience such visions often feel a sense of intense peace, ecstasy, and relief from life's burdens, feeling that their surrender is accepted.
Validation of Faith: This experience is viewed as validation of sincere prayer and devotion, reinforcing trust in the divine and providing strength to navigate life's challenges.
Divine Timing: In Sathya Sai Baba's teachings, such visions are guided by His timing rather than human demand, often appearing when needed most for a devotee's spiritual growth
Above link to post,
Beautiful message on kindness
6th May 2026
Above link to post
Today this photo popped on my phone notification as reminder of memory, painted on 5th December 2025, And I couldn’t believe it’s been 5 months Alreday to this work. Whilst this painting still holds significance even to this passage of time, Where His Grace & Grace alone carries me across.
Again barely slept, less than 4hours. Woke up with this uneasy feeling of vomiting sensation along with painful inflamed trigger points on scalp. I Believe Swamis yesterday’s vision of placing both his hands upon my head is a sign of His Grace knowing the pain is getting unbearable to surpass. The Omniscient lord knows it all.
I’m still lagging behind with the Vision of Shirdi baba carrying a baby, it’s drawing is still ongoing. & upon completion of that work, I’ll be starting the drawing of yesterdays vision of Swami placing both his hands upon my head.
Today is mother Eshwaramma’s Birthday, the mother who gave birth to the lord. And a very beautiful incident is shared here about a mother’s love.
Above link to post
7th May 2026
That lil Voice within kept saying- “God knows Everything!!!”
the words kept ringing within my heart, on a loop
8.20am
O Have you seen melting of sugar in the cream; that bakes sweet nothings,
O Have you heard the music of a bird; for the notes play into songs that Dawn & Dusk brings,
O Have you lived in this place of Trust that EVERYTHING IS ALREADY TAKEN CARE FOR YOU! Even before you felt the Need to ask for a thing;
it’s Because GOD KNOWS EVERYTHING!!!
& Everything that he did & shall do is for the upliftment of my spirit!
Sitting on the lap of God; the soul knows-
It Never Once was the doer & God Knows Everything!!!
8.29am
Swami,
Now you have to bring A Balance in my life.
With this pain everything was taken.
It’s like I’ve been wiped out…
Now you have to give Respect, Dignity, for my life.
When Balance & Equality is taken, then Ones place in this world is no longer there & along with it All Respect for a life is lost.
So what you’ve taken, Only you can give it back. Respect for our work. And along with that An Independence to move in this world in all aspects. When so much is taken, then the Giving that comes from God should only fill All & more.
For the asking is only from Him & none.
4.00pm
to my above thoughts, again a message of assurance
8th May 2026
(completed this painting next day late evening)
O Sai…
In dry & dead flowers,
Can you Bloom life???
For it’s been long, this wait….
This Wait has been long My Sai…
It’s truly been a long journey…
& through it all you’ve kept So Quiet!
Yet I’ve given you my music & words of Hope Woven from my fading & dying notes!
See the Crimson have lost it’s hue to Browns
& the Emeralds of leaves lay as pale-green songs!
Yet there’s this belief in my eyes-
That even though I’ve offered thou;
My Shrivel hopes; Only thou can bloom spring, Where roots still lay buried in Winters-blight!
O Sai, in these dried & dead flowers,
Please Bloom promises of thy every word;
For I Await A Season that does not wilt…
Hoping that even this Pain,
Didn’t come to leave me barren; Where no life ever sprouts…
But to bloom within me-
“An Eternal Heart of Gods Summers-Sun!”
That lends Hope; to those who Believe;
One does not die in Vain, Until their lives here,
Are A Reflection Of His Immense Grace & Blessings of Love!
O Sai…. I offer you these flowers!
1.17am
9th May 2026
Baba,
Today even the painting for yesterday’s poem-can you bloom life in flowers that are dead, got complete.
I Sincerely feel, I’ve done my part….
theres Nothing more left to do,
Somewhere… I’ve become quiet as you are…
Hence for this work to go ahead,
You have to do the rest!
11.07pm
10th May 2026
When Gods Heart Breathes as Presence;
There Peace descends.
This Heart is No longer bound in attachments,
It Gives out of Love, & Forgives easily;
For its Fragrance helps transcend souls!
It knows Nothing belongs to it- Yet All are its own!
It’s Freedom lies in it’s Self; Where even desires are washed out- in Asking Only God to decide what he wishes it’s life music to be
It’s woven with life’s lessons;
Yet in those lessons it Breathes as Freedom;
Like A Child running freely in this playground of life- Knowing Mother is always around & as this Heart- She sings her songs of nurturance & Guidance to lead the way in life
This Heart of God is Kind!
This Heart of God is the only Jewel that blooms into A Love; that can Never be Tarnished by time!
& when it Blooms it does so by Swallowing ones mind!
Hence it no longer has any questions left-
“As to what shall it’s life be”,
But Breathes from A Place of Trust,
That Mother knows best & Everything is Alreday taken care of!
This Heart Of God is So Simple- it just doesn’t know how to complicate things.
Abide in this Heart for it sings of a life;
So beautiful that’s beyond the burdens of one’s mind!
PS: I wasn’t aware it Mother's day today, Only later upon seeing the messages of Swami I was aware. But how beautifully in the above poem, Swami mentions the Heart to be The Mother that always ready to Guide!
11.04am
I’ve come to Realise & Understand the Beauty of Swamis love,
Back in the Vision, When he showed me,
I have Blood Cancer- it was his robe that was bleeding-
He’s Already taken it upon him!!!
Gods Grace is that Selfless in its Giving that doesn’t measure what he gives-
For he has No Need left to Ask for Anything!
11.07am
I asked Swami, can I even call myself an artist.
Because so much time has passed & I’ve not been able to even begin this journey.
At times I wonder why did this pain journey has gone for this long.
& all I say is- Now you Support me for everything.
& Swami reached out to my above feelings with this message
11th May 2026
Today entire afternoon, from within he kept saying-
“I’m coming to your home, My Child!”
So I respond- “Swami it’s not my home- it’s yours, Everything is yours!!!”
4.40pm
Swamis messages of Assurance are there, But something within has got quiet.
Something that questions life, has become quieter.
Above link to post
12th May 2026
Above link to post with a beautiful song-
Praising the one who created this Cosmos.
That lil voice from within-
Everything is going to work out & Everything is going to be so Beautiful in your life my child! Things will happen in a way that you haven’t even imagined! The Respect you shall Garner
shall be A Reflection of how I see you.
12.42pm
13th May 2026
Swami, Yesterday morning you gave me an Assurance from within my heart that everything is going to be beautiful & it shall all work out in my life.
All I wish to say is, If this work has been done from a standpoint of Truth, Even as tiny as a grain of a mustard seed & Pure Love from within my heart-
then you prove it by reaching out to me stating where do I stand with this Blood Cancer today itself before this day ends.
The Answer has to come directly from you,
No more pricking needle blood-test & no more only Hope assurances.
No more diluting prayers by showing your blessings are with me always, But there’s No answer other than that “My delays are not my denials”
If you’ve truly meant yesterday mornings each & every word then reach out with a direct answer upon waking.
1.44am
Swami if you can’t even acknowledge the Truth & Love I’ve offered through this work, then how can there be any Respect to my life, as you’ve promised!
You told me it was lupus out of Respect to Coco’s love & life, after his passing through chits,
& went on to reassure through a Direct Sign of Vision whilst this work was ongoing, when you mentioned- It’s Lupus- 3 times.
Now if you truly see me as One with you- that this Spirit that’s your Presence within me,
Which has been carrying me through this pain, then out of Respect to this Spirit,
you reach out & tell me, Where do I stand with this Blood-Cancer & lupus.
11.07pm
Above link to post, it’s a beautiful message, that God always answers the call of a pure heart
Swami if there’s No Respect coming from you, then any form of Respect outside is of ZERO VALUE to me. When you’ve become my world, then there’s Nothing outside existing.
Swami in a world where even when you speak the Truth & yet you’re scrutinised for bearing your soul- & constantly weighed on the scale of Judgements & bashing, then that Acknowledgement from God is the go all for ones soul!
But when God doesn’t reach out, than any form of offering has lost it’s purpose. Because if Swami is not happy, then the work has Alreday suffered!
7.20pm
14th May 2026
This work ends here Swami,
Because if there’s No Respect for this work from your end for the Truth & Love offered through it, Then there’s No point continuing Or Sharing it.
As it’s going to again fall upon deaf ears,
Just as my life in this pain has often been perceived as- Zero
Given this pain has pushed me so far behind that I’ve been washed out completely in all aspects of my life.
Or in terms of Spiritual context,
Where you art my Universe.
Yet the Offerings of Love & Truth probably didn’t meet your expectations…
Because otherwise you sure would have reached out to me in context to my yesterday’s prayer, regarding this Blood Cancer
But since you didn’t, then whatever shall be shared further will not come from a place of Acknowledgment from your end!
And When Truth & Love of Ones Offering falls short in your very eyes- Then it can Never Serve any Purpose outside Swami!
Hence I end this work here, with immense Gratitude for my soul to have grown in ways of love that I Never could have, if not for all these experiences that like gems of love & kindness shall forever be embedded within my soul!
Thank you for Everything!
And what shall be with this life of mine, is upto you only.
Because I truly have No Place here of any kind & time & again over the years people have reminded me that, because of the value they perceive my life in this pain to be.
11.11am
On the Auspicious day of Thursday, this journey through this work ends here!
Later when things just keep getting Challenging for no valid reason….& you feel what is this life about…like this pain never ends & somewhere your life is seen only from that stand-point….then you turn only to him & ask,
Are you really my mother, Or are you just a Namesake mother- today before the day ends you have to tell me that-
Because as my mother, If you can’t even give me any form of dignity in this life, then you should at least give me A Dignified Death, when there’s no way out from such a pain, that for 26yrs I kept going.
Today’s day let it determine if I’m your child Or A mere Orphan left to fight this pain all by myself!
4.14pm
Now the Child has called out- But only a mother who’s truly a mother to her child, shall heed the call & show herself!
That lil voice from within
You Now carry your Swamis heart my child!
7.59pm
My Skin & bones sunk into A Space of such Silence, because inspite of this deep pain within & far too many tears….Swami didn’t come to show- He’s my mother! & then there’s truly Nothing left to say.
15th May 2026
As usual I couldn’t sleep, due to pain & heaviness that my mother- my beloved Swami didn’t come…
But later A Vision -
i see Swami dressed in red robe, he’s smiling & reaches out to me with both his hands cupping over my face, Saying- “Child, Mother Never Leaves, Mother Never Leaves, Mother Never leaves”, pouring all his love while holding my face. And then he touches my heart & says- “I Know your Heart, I Know your Heart, I Know your Heart”
1.53am
Vision ends
Yet, I Rest this work here,
Not because he’s not yet answered,
Where do I stand with this Blood-Cancer,
But because, I No longer look for “Any answers”, anyways.
Now either he comes & clears all the mess;
That my life has been for so long…
Or
I’d Rather die being quiet, Because there’s Nothing much left to speak anyways.
Given the way my life has turned around through this pain.
10.58am
That lil Voice- “Your Sai maa will Never Fail you My Child- Keep Going, Keep Going!”
8.20pm
Swami you’re My Mother….Then yesterday during my most heart-breaking moment, Why didn’t you Come? Why didn’t you Come??? You’re making your Presence evident through messages, Vision, lil voice within….But in my most crushing of moments, Why didn’t you Physically come for me!
Are these Blessings Only for a few devotees.
But I’m Not even your devotee, I’m your Child!!
I’m yours & you’re mine! We are One, every now & again you’ve reminded me that.
Everyone left……
But you Never once showed me that you’re there. When the Heart-pain is so big, then the Miracle to counter that, too has be big enough.
Otherwise what’s the point of saying- “You’re The Love of A Thousand Mothers!”,
When I long & thirst to experience your love, even as a single mother…
9.52pm
Baba I wait for you, I wait for you to come physically now…I’m yours you’re mine. That’s all maa. I’ve seen only failure up until now in my life, So for me to even die now it’s fine, because I’m yours maa, what more is needed!
1.14pm
16th May 2026
Vision
I see Swami driving, seated in a white car, wearing a bright orange robe, smiling as he says - “I am the driver of your car”
Vision ends!
2.30am
That lil voice from within-
Actually They don’t know, who stands beside you My Child!
11.30pm
Above link to post
Above link to post
In my today’s Vision, He was wearing a bright orange gown,
Similar to the above link where he’s holding a Krishna statue, he had materialised
He’s my Krishna & just as in the Kurukshetra battle, He was Arjuna’s Sarathi,
Similarly in my life’s battle He is my Sarathi.
I Believe everyone should experience this stage
in one’s life, When one is a child, most vulnerable, having Nothing of their own, No place of Belongingness due to some challenges that come upon them, leaving them no place to go,
Nor any way out.
And then they shall discover that in this Kurukshetra battle of life, Without Krishna on their side, they can Never win. The Kauravas Chose an army over Krishna & the Pandavas Chose Only Krishna even though it was agreed he wouldn’t fight the battle.
For in this battle of Dharma, God comes down, Time & again to Protect the virtuous & there by,
He brings A Victory Unparalleled.
Yet one should never forget,
When Pandavas won, after an 18days intense battle & Krishna asked Arjuna to alight first,
A sense of doer-ship & ego blinded Arjuna to tell Krishna that the Charioteer traditionally steps down after the warrior.
To Which Krishna then Commanded Arjuna to get down first & as soon as he did, followed by Krishna the entire Chariot was on flames.
The reason the chariot didn’t catch fire in the first place inspite of the incredibly powerful weapons from karna & Drona aimed towards them, was Simply because Krishna’s presence acted as the “Divine-shield”.
Hence when Krishna stepped down & the monkey god hanuman too left the flag, the entire chariot was reduced to ashes.
Thus it served as a humble reminder to Arjuna that it was not merely his own valor, that protected & won them the war, But Krishna’s infinite Grace & Protection that not only saved him, but led them to A Victory.
Hence, When everything collapses,
& there seems no way ahead, like i told him yesterday, that if there’s No Dignity in a life like mine through this pain, then at least give me a dignity by ending it.
But here he’s showing me- He’s the one seated on the drivers seat, taking me ahead in this life & the Victory is Already written for me.
12.07pm
Sainath thank you for giving me this experience too of incredible pain & heart-break along with an assurance of your presence.
For showing me the Greatness of A Love that always comes to the rescue of those whose Refuge Other than you, Truly is None.
I have Nothing Swami, not even the Valor or strength of Arjuna,
As for last 26yrs the only reason i was able to carry on through this pain is because of Faith & A Simple Hope that you are behind me,
I’m not Alone & my tomorrow shall Change in a way that no one expects it to be
I’m ever thankful for Coco’s love, who unfailingly waited beside me, And I know, i didn’t falter on my path to Dharma, inspite of all the arrows of lies aimed at me.
The chariots & forms may change, But the Divine charioteer is the same & Now he shall take me where he wishes to.
12.44pm
Again that lil Voice from within- Those who have Faith in me, I Turn The Earth into Heaven for them My Child!
1.11pm
When you give everything to God, then God is entitled to give back to you- A Thousand folds!!! 1.44pm
Yet Swami inspite of all your comforting assurances, I’m being Constantly overruled,
inspite of following my heart & Dharma-
Hence it’s No longer me, But you who’s being overruled!
And if you can’t make your Presence evident enough to shut the minds, who’ve faltered & failed in this path of Dharma, then it shall only be viewed as though you’ve been over-ruled,
Simply because you Chose to remain Silent all these years.
Whilst you’ve made your Presence evident for devotes even when it came to their day to day affairs so as to protect them,
But you Chose Silence when it came to my life….
For tell me- “Am i Not yours, is my love lesser then theirs, does my heart feel less pain in times tough”
Then why is there A Silent Baba allowing such wrongs??? Why don’t you show that Not only you stand beside me, But you carry me as your own.
Why don’t you show yourself such???
Because Now this has to End.
For I’m done being belittled for my pain, for it’s not a life i chose to live with & yet I carried myself through all those challenges with a lot of dignity & grace
You just said today afternoon- that they don’t know who stands beside you- Yes they truly don’t
But Now you Need to show!!!
Or else it’s no longer my failure, but yours & it’s you, Who’s being overruled!
2.16pm
My Life from this very second onwards has to be
An Expression of all your Promises fulfilled! Otherwise what’s the point of this Faith, if in ones battles, Krishna chooses to remain anonymous?
Baba, if I’m loving then you come now & I mean now.
That’s True, but now I wish to experience you more than words. Pls come now.
17th May 2026
There’s A Place of Silence & Self Love; Where Ones Expectations from any person upon this earth is Zero
You want Nothing from anyone- But in abiding within the self- you realise, you’re seated within Gods Heart!
And your Presence here turns into A Blessings for it emanates His Peace & Acceptance of every living form.
You easily Forgive & yet you let space Breathe- for that soul to evolve at it’s own pace. Gods love descends upon you- to make you see the way he sees all.
This internal strength of Truth; breathes a space to be! & to rely within thyself for everything.
Sometimes the pain through Silence is far more healing than any words could ever give.
2.45am
Swami,
Yesterday you send me this message-
“I don’t need any invitation to come to your home,
it is your Love that pulls me towards you”
Mother,
O Loving Heart that carries this Universe in her womb,
Tell me is my Love not enough for you……
Because if it isn’t then the HOPE that you breathed in my veins for long, to help me brave these dark storms,
that Hope too seem to be done with, For I’m decimated as it is.
12.24pm
As a wave of deep pain emerges from my chest & wets the eyes….As Silence deep breaks within my muscles & sinews & this body through a lifetime of pain- Dies!
As HOPE that my Love of Loves shall Bequeath my thirst….
As the red carpet that I had laid for him at my doors entrance, Now has caught lifetimes of dust.
But if my Love ain’t enough, then let the door rest on barren floor-tiles,
For his Lotus feet shalt Not Grace my home-
If My Love doesn’t pull & make him rush to wipe these tears of my eyes-
For they carry A Deep-deep Silence, Where even Time stands still ashamed to say- it moved for others to live…
Whilst this intense pain within swells through my breath & keeps moist my eyes!
Swami the pain is so intense that tears,
Now lay glazed locked within,
Unable to weep, due to the heaviness they hold;
For I know naught, if this Love is ever enough,
for you my Sai! For I know naught when shall thou come & lift me from this pain of a lifetime.
12.31pm
While conversing H2h with Swami, sharing my innermost pain, as he’s guiding me to a place of letting go of things that are hurtful….
Whilst painting the self-portrait for the above poem,
I get the Vision-
He’s speaking to me saying- “You just remain quiet within thyself; (that’s him).
I’ll take care of Everything!”, While his face & hand moves in an animated gesture- that everything is already taken care of to echo the assurance in his words
3.15pm
I believe when one leans & surrenders entirely on Swami, then every step towards him, makes one experience his presence stronger.
There’s no dimension left in my life, where’s he’s not. The Vision to me comes even upon open eyes- I actually see him & it’s not some planned thought that comes as a vision…
Its just given out of His Infinite Grace, Where ones mind has no place!
In fact there’s No Mind when these Visions are given & hence you realise it’s all coming from a higher place- from him. But the more attune you are with him, The more he reveals- He is Ever Present!
When you break down & have inconsolable tears that weep….& from within all he longs to say is-
“I’m coming to your home, My Child, I’m coming to your home!!!”
5.49pm
& his words keep echoing to wash off the pain the heart is in.
But Truly now this pain has to end baba.
18th May 2026
i was awake till 3.30, caught a 5 hour sleep, but upon waking there was this overwhelming feeling that, Swami didn’t come…Gayatri maa didn’t come… They promised to come but they didn’t come….
& later in my heart- as a toddler, When I’d be mostly seen wearing only a nappy, as in most of my childhood pics from that period, in that same way, I see myself walk into Sai Kulwant hall & leaving my heart near Swamis chair,
Saying- this is how i am.
I may not have done any intense tapas like your other devotees to deserve you, but i believe in these moments of purity- & I’m offering my heart to you. Though I don’t see Swami seated, but I leave my heart near his chair.
Later as I try to get back my strength, laying upon bed, as bathing too gets strenuous when living in chronic pain,
I feel maybe this heart too isn’t enough for him.
& a few seconds to that thought-
i get A Vision-
Shirdi Baba in his white gown, as though he’s floating towards me,
I see him till waist down, Whilst his gown is flying as he glides towards me & accepts the heart-
“my heart, as Red as I offered him a while back….”
He’s lovingly holding it with both his hands,
Like some cherished gift, as he speaks-
“I’m Very Proud of you My Child, You have walked through these Fires of Pain & yet your heart is as pure as i gave it to you. I’m very Proud of you!”
& I’m lost seeing him in this majestic, larger than life form.
the Vision ends
9.49am
I just hold on to this beautiful experience & keep quiet being in that space of a loving God, Who Never once falters to Acknowledge the Purity with which you call on to him. He truly doesn’t need your years of tapas, just one moment of intense love filled purity is enough to melt this Gods heart. 10.40am
Baba, Now will you come……That’s all I want, you come……..
10.42am
Above link to post
Swami,
I’d always tell you, if anything happens to me due to this sickness, even whilst having lupus, if I pass out or anything, you come & do what’s necessary.
Because I don’t trust doctors. So no one should touch the body even if I may die.
You come & if you wish to give me a new life, then so be it, but if I’m to die, then you should do the cremation.
Since my heart is with you,
So the body’s responsibility too is solely yours.
No doctors, no medical science. It’s only & only yours.
You do everything for me that’s all. Everything! 12.57pm
Because I’m your child, I’m yours & you’re mine!
My Heart is Swelling & Swelling in this love….
I know it’s not my love,
but your love within me.
I’m yours, I’m yours!!!
1.02pm
I couldn’t go for my evening walk as I was draining in energy so bad due to cancer & especially since I had pushed myself to finish the painting for yesterdays poem, working non-stop through the day,
& I even had to start painting today mornings vision of Shirdi baba. I was sinking very badly
& in those intense moments of pain,
I reach out for sugar to have some strength to fight this extreme fatigue, though very well knowing sugar is not good for cancer.
But in that moment of deep sinking pain, something shifted within me, Where I told Swami in my heart- Inspite of Everything that happened to me, I forgive them. It was a true simple Heart2heart feeling that I offered to him.
Later….
His Light enters through wounds that world inflicts. The Place where it hurts the most, becomes the place where transformation breathes.
Letting Go all the pain in Forgiveness is A Gift one gives to Oneself.
For the Self is A Breath of Fresh Air, it can’t thrive when pain suffocates the very life, it breathes
Only in letting go of all pains can then,
A New beginning be, For even a mother goes through enormous pains for a child to be born.
& New beginnings cannot be ushered in,
Until One learns to Close Old Doors into Peace & Acceptance of all that brought you down
Yet it’s not about closing but transcending of ones mind into the Spirit.
What they did, shall remain with them,
But how you choose to live shapes the life of your future & present. Forgiveness is knowing God entered the wound through love! And when God Enters then all healing inevitably blossoms
Be in the Self, Rest on mother Sai’s lap,
But never let go of who you are.
For if you’ve lost your-Self, then very soon you’ll turn into a victim that’s only identity is- it bled!
You are more than what your thought make you think. You are God & a breath of fresh air, that carries the leaves, flowers & even the broken twigs. & until this clarity dawns from within-
in Silence Lay on Mothers Sai’s lap,
Lay on Mother Sai’s lap.
For they shall face what they did,
But you Never once let go of The Truth,
that Sai so often reminds- you & I are one….
For God walks on nimble foot, & Never so Grudgingly.
10.30pm
19th May 2026
When you’re quiet, but his messages of assurance keeps flowing…& most messages echo on the lessons of letting go, forgiving as yesterdays writing…
today finished the self portrait for the poem of longing for him written on the 17th. Yet he didn’t come…
Just today morning in my heart I was telling him, I know you’ve saved me far too many times, then I’d even know & he’s goes to confirm that One’s Bhakti gives the shield of protection.
And even this above message correlates to yesterdays last poem he gave, that for something New to start the old has to end!
It is, this life is between you & him
& sometimes life may not go your way for an odd 26yrs….
This message too is based on yesterdays poem to abide in one self & not chase the mind that’s eager to fix things, For the ways of the self;
Ones heart are way ahead of all conditionings of mind & time.
Swamis ways are indeed beautiful, first he will lead you to transcendence from within the heart, then gives a poem & then sends messages in similar context that they are all coming from him.
He is the Divine Charioteer, the author & the partaker.
Consciousness that Only Knows to Expand & Expand in love!!!
The reason why we feel pain when life turns against us, is because he’s asking us to break-free from a thought & an identity that we’ve moulded ourselves in & expand into
A Consciousness of Love that He is!
Otherwise as Consciousness there’s No Pain as it is!!!
11.58pm
20th April 2026
this message is again based on 18th poem, that the old door has to be closed for new beginnings.
Above link to post
Again That lil Voice from within
“Your Pure Gold, My Child! Pure Gold”, inspite of Everything being taken from you, you didn’t waiver even a tiny bit from your path of Self; you didn’t waiver even a tiny bit from the Self; that’s me”
How can this Baba of yours ever Fail thee!!!
From the fires of pain, you’ve emerged in all of thy Beauty. Now this Sai shall show the mettle you’re built with.
10.51am
From within my heart breathes A Relief of Sigh!
For he’s Expanded my Consciousness by taking Everything & making me Aware- that I’ve Still Lost Nothing, For I’m The Love that Breathes Sai!!!
12.00pm
that lil voice from within
“I’ll come to your house, My Child! & I’ll stay with you forever!”
The words keep echoing from within endlessly….
To that i say this with a tear in my eye- Please don’t give me false hope….Only if you mean then say- Because there’s No life with me, Why would you want to come & stay with me….
Theres Nothing here, There’s Nothing here….
Above link to post
Thats True, He only sees himself in you & hence he Never looks down upon you as others do….
Above link to post
O Shesha Sai, this work began, When you chose to enter my life at the most difficult time.
But wasn’t it easier to show in the vision that you’ve found my jeep so that I can move around in this world, that you’ve pulled me out of alive of pain & stagnancy, Yet it’s been 5 months to that Vision & the pain only keeps getting worse day by day. And I’m more stuck than ever. So I don’t know what to make of all these Visions too.
Above link to post
That’s true Swami no one can love the way you do. Because you’re me & i’m you.
& this below message to is True, God tests to see only this that has one reached this stage of Oneness. So he will take everything from you to make you aware- He’s always there.
& if you have him & the entire world may seem against you, Yet you’ve lost Nothing!
Started painting this work though it’s in sketch stage
Mother until eternity I’ll be here- With my head upon your lap, please don’t ask me to leave, citing you’re tired holding me this way, please don’t ask me to go back in the world,
When I’ve left it all & am home with my beloved love!
Please don’t take away this home of mine- this lap upon which I’ve laid all of my life’s burdens & now have come to rest!!!
And until eternity, i shall be here only,
O Mother mine.
5.13pm
After finishing & sharing of the above painting, this work ends here!!!
If you’re truly with me, then Only show up, Otherwise i shall know, like most relations this too was only a one way journey.
& i shall Only share this work based upon you physically coming & healing us both to give us A New life- where there’s no more struggles for day to day living, work, money, health.
Both Atul & i are genuinely tired of going on like this & i truly don’t wish to make his life more difficult because of my ongoing illness, considering he’s diabetic & how physically demanding his job gets.
I don’t want to carry on this way anymore
From one mother to another you can’t get Coco into our lives, if we are gonna continue this way only as a constant survival mode,
I’d much rather prefer to lay on your lap & die,
then to live the way my life has been for last 26yrs
6.54pm
Now No more Visions, No more Hope messages,
So let’s end this here, Enough of these never ending messages, when in reality my life is constantly falling apart as you & I both know
21st May 2026
That lil voice from within kept saying-
You stood your ground through this pain,
Now Swami will show how he moves the Sky in your favour.
7.05am
Today’s day I completed the painting of being on Sai Maas lap & by late evening, as soon as I offered him the work, this picture of Swami came upon my feed with a flower.
So what better way to finish this work, but with this blessing.
Swami, I’ve surrendered my life & all it’s problems upon your lap, Now whether I live or die let it be thy will. From here where so ever you wish to take my life, I accept it fully. Just make sure Truth wins!
8.10pm
Baba, with this work I’ve offered you my life, this pain, my tears, sweat & blood, my silence, heart, Faith, Hope & words…. it’s been 154days in all- 5months & 3days today to this work.
Now there’s Truly Nothing more left to offer you Beloved!
Do as you Please, Just Make sure Truth wins!!!
I Offer this work to both you & Coco & all of my love with it. Thank you for Everything!!!
Above link to post, that I want only you
& this above message, in context to I stood my ground, that now it’s his turn to show himself after testing such….
Again That lil Voice from within
“I’m So Proud of you, I’m So Proud of you, I’m So Proud of you, My Child; it takes Great Courage to live the way you live!!!” I’m so Proud of you!!!
10.41pm
22nd May 2026
Mother since you intuitively guided me,
to do this painting of Resting on Mothers Sai lap again as the earlier painting missed that essence of caring love, surrender of your child’s heart & that emotion of Oneness in pain,
So i followed my heart & have started working on it & shall share Ones the work is done
1am
Swami to me it truly doesn’t matter who’s there, who’s not,
But, if I’ve offered my Hearts Truth through this work, even if it may seem as tiny as a grain of a mustard seed,
& You’ve accepted my Truth & soul with it,
then today you shall make your Presence evident in my life,
Similar to the love I hold for you within my heart, like the Universe holds the Sky.
But, If you do not accept this Love & Truth of my heart, then let me die upon your lap & have no more birth! That’s my Only Prayer.
.
Heart2heart this work is all about that & im bearing my heart here. Whatever be Thy Will,
I Accept it fully. But Now Truth should Prevail!!! 2.25pm
He willed it such that this painting be the closing chapter,
Swami, Before these few dying stars of Hope too die, please reach out to me!
& if you Choose Not to,
then let my soul merge in thee & upon thy lap let my last dying breath be.
Just the way Coco left his last breath with me. Thank you for Everything & for entering my heart & soul, So Beautifully. 3.37pm
23rd May 2026
I think of you all day long, But you didn’t come…
Yesterday by late night when I realised that Swami won’t show up…..all the pent-up tears
cried profusely, Yet unending it’s stream couldn’t lighten the weight that this feeling of pain left upon my chest. That Swami yet didn’t choose to come by.
But who can ever explain this heart that this Lord waits for a “Perfect time”, Which time & again I’ve said- Maybe Swamis Perfect time shall come, But I won’t last that long….
So who can truly explain this heart, When it’s broken such that Nothing Or No Words can mend.
As I lay crest-fallen upon my bed, holding onto Coco’s ashes to my heart, Asking Coco to intervene, that “Please Stop My Heart Now! Please Stop My Heart”; So that my soul merges in Swami & him
But the weightage of this feeling that Baba has Abandoned, & Now I’m just An Orphan wouldn’t simply wean. It kept growing & tears kept crying & it felt, Why am I still here???
I should have left long back….With Coco….
Why am I still here…..Because if Baba isn’t there then What’s the point to continue with a life such as this…..
It may have been more than an hour of such intensity of endless streams flowing from my eyes, wondering what’s there left to continue with such a life…..
Later the messages kept coming….Of Hope & Assurance, Of Him Showing he knows the Purity of my heart & soul. That No Prayer of mine has ever gone unheard. And that his delays are not denials. That he’s proud of me, that every night I’d hold on to this Faith that he shall come & that alone I Need to hold on to….
the messages & words sang to the same rhythm of tune & Assurances that he’s been giving me now for more than 2 decades.
Etched upon my soul, Yet I felt there’s no point making these messages shared upon the pages of my life,
Because within me…..There’s No Hope left Now!
As the pain of this heart, kept the body awake, hoping it would die, So that I’d be free Alas from such a life!
But death too is a Blessings in times such,
That God doesn’t so easily Grace upon thee.
He knows you’ve cried & his heavens too couldn’t bear the pain in its shriek.
Yet he doesn’t budge, He shall not falter from what He’s Willed! Hence with the body crushing to the energy drained along with tears & Cancer mocking me- that “tears too are a privilege”,
to be wept, But not for souls like mine;
Who’s body is swallowed & decimated through years of chronic pain.
So next time around pls calculate & cry….
But who can teach the minds the ways of the heart- For it either Gives it All, Or Simply Asks to die!
Coco too didn’t intervene to help Stop my heart, Yet I know he knows all, Because he for once Never left me, When I felt there’s Nothing much left to continue, Simply by his constant presence- He helped me Kept going & that no matter how tough it all gets, you shall not end your life, Because for 13.5yrs he selflessly stood by.
But the heart is broken into pieces that can’t be mend. And upon waking the bodily pain came with All force, Asking me to pay its debts; for the energy lost in crying….
So the body on its autonomous mode, sank like it’ll pass out, O but only if I could pass out such, that I never come back…..
& Only if he’d let go my life-string, that for some reason he’s still holding in his hands.
So yes apart from the luxury to walk, breathe & speak, crying too is added in that never ending list. But now what’s more left to cry for.
Later as I lay, blankly scrolling the screen & tired of the same old rant on social media,
I intuitively opened a talk, so as to counter the pain that came upon my feeble body with a force,
& As i lay breathless on the verge of slipping out,
The talk was on Sai Geeta & how she longed & pined for the beloved lord. And how lovingly he would caress her saying he shall come back, But she must eat now,
Above link to the talk
Yesterday I too had shared the meal with Swami asking him that if he doesn’t come than let this be my last meal…Yet he didn’t come…
As for Sai Geeta at least, She got the comfort of his physical touch & loving kind words,
While here, I’m left with messages that seem too dry to be shared after the hurricane that wept from my eyes.
Upon seeing the talk, as I lay silent sinking in pain & energy, from within that lil voice that’s him says-
“ Ive heard the trumpeting of your cry too,
My Beloved! Please know I’m coming, I’m coming & you shall emerge Victorious in every which way!”
8.30am
I tell him who wants Victory, when all I need is thee!!!
Sai Geeta was blessed to hold him such,
as for me, I never had any such physical contact of experiences.
Even though in respect I ate the last meal of the day too, stating how Coco had his last morsel of food from my hand, just before he passed on, as a respect to my love, so that a mothers heart can find some comfort, that her child left without eating a bite.
I gave Swami that Respect too,
But I know for sure….
Nothing can stand in the face of this Gods Will!!! So here I am writing all this, wondering what’s even the point to this work Or my life in this pain, if he didn’t heed my hearts call.
11.26am
Above link to post, with a message that Baba Never Breaks anyone’s Trust
When Swami is Not there in Ones life, then Nothing is there. No amount of health, riches, worldly recognition can be of any value.
Basically a human birth looses all value without the Graceful Presence of God in ones life- then all chapters only amount to the comings & goings & all things in between.
Without Gods love the Purpose itself of a human birth turns insignificant.
For your fame, wealth, health, relations all are going to be left behind. Except that were you loved by God & did you Love him with all your soul! You’ll only take along this Love- Rest everything is transitory between Breaths,
from one lifetime to another until he graces you to be Swallowed in the Presence of his Love!
And Now i wish i merge in this Love that’s Coco & Him!
1.26pm
Later A Vision,
I see him he looking at me with that one pointed serious look as I hear these words-
“Your Cancer has spread into a difficult zone.
But don’t worry, Hold on to me, I’ll carry you!”
5.31pm
(finished the painting next day by 24th evening)
I simply remained in the quietness of my heart, letting go everything, that whatsoever he wishes to do with my life, I’m fine with it.
I mean against all odds, He knows how & what is shifting within this body, and I had told him, I feel very exhausted these days as walking, breathing too gets tough. But he knows & that’s all that matters.
Later as I googled this is what came that Blood Cancer can progress rapidly, given that I’m made a Choice not to pursue any medical treatment.
Yes, blood cancer can progress rapidly, even within a 4-month window, particularly if it is an aggressive type (like Acute Leukemia) or if it has been left untreated. Because blood cancers are systemic rather than solid tumors, they move throughout the bone marrow, bloodstream, and organs rather than spreading in "stages" like other cancers
& then immediately this message from Baba & later many more, about why there are challenges & difficulties.
Later as I was searching for an image of Swami, looking stoically one pointed towards me in the Vision of this evening, to refer & draw, I come across this talk about why there are challenges in ones life….& how to face them
Above link to post
& especially the PUSH story that I’ve heard time & again on radio Sai.
Since Swami had mentioned regarding the current Cancer status, I just let go & went for a light evening stroll, Just to lighten my spirit.
& while walking,
Swami told me from within my heart- “I walk beside you, My Child!, I hold your hand & walk”,
So this above message again co-relates to how he can go to any length to show- He’s Always with you!
24th May 2026
It’s just a stage in life I’ve reached- Quietness, No more Pushing through this pain, No more Asking, No more questioning, waiting Or Hoping! Just quietness that’s all & painting Whensoever i can. I don’t even wait for you Swami- because you’re my heart! Nor for any healing after what you told me yesterday about my Cancer getting bad. There’s No Fear, No Expectations, No Future Nor Desire- Only A Quiet Acceptance of everything in my life. You shall always know my love through the tears of longing i felt yesterday! And now you shall know this Quietness because you’re more with me as the Self than anything outside!
12.31am
Kay Sera Sera, Whatever shall be! Shall be!!!
As this Blanket of A Quiet Peace enfolds me;
I’ve Come to Realise- Nothing defines you- Pain Or Some Cancer doesn’t define you, Your Achieved Glory Or Accolades too do not define you, Your minds need to seek Swami outside is one of the biggest twisted joke- For the mind can’t be there saying- I’ve Found Swami. When Swami truly is you! So the Mind dissipates into something Expansive as Love! And all its desires seem like trinkets in the face of A Vast Ocean. You don’t Push through Challenges for you art God; You don’t have the Need even to Survive Cancer; For that illness is here to play it’s role; the Negatives & Positives- polars of ones Mind are No longer at play- For the Mind that feels the Need to Control gets Swallowed into A Quiet Space. You’re not your loses, nor some pain, you’re the Love that’s born & gives birth to A New Way; Gods way & you Rise above the conditioning of your mind- For you see the psychological mind as the other- When As Self you bring God into all that seems Blind! & As Kindness your skin breathes A Love- Very well knowing even the body is dust! You No Longer Seek God; For Gods Presence becomes the breath, upon which vibrates this earth! Nothing outside can give you this- It’s Only in this Oneness- one realises God isn’t outside to be held & nor is he something that one needs to seek! The Game ends in the awareness that a mind can only take one from this end to that- The Game Ends in knowing you’re not your mind, body & it’s breath!
For you art That!!!
1.08am
There’s Nothing outside & Theres No one Outside & truly Until this awareness dawns that it’s all just A Game- The Mind Suffers!!!
Swami then sends this beautiful post, Where he’s lost in Bliss. That so co-relates to the poem he just gave above that there’s Truly Nothing outside & with a beautiful bhajan
Later again on auto-play or Rightfully to say- Swamis Divine-Saichronicity, Baba sends this talk. And it’s all about how does one wish to play this game of life, Abide in the Self Or be bound by mind!
Above link to talk
Especially after he just poured the above words of wisdom of how the Game ends when one realises ones innate Truth. But the talk is an intresting Vision that Swami gave to Phyllis Krystal & how this lord through examples helps guide his children’s
I barely slept 3hours as i was feeling very unwell & kept praying to him on some pressing issue,
As He had put me in a situation, Where i mentioned that just because the Self is forgiving by it’s innate nature, doesn’t mean that One’s wrong shouldn’t be corrected by you,
Because Self-Respect goes hand in hand with Forgiveness, But not by being walked over it, time & again. Then Divine intervention is much needed. I was chanting Gayatri mantra praying to Shirdi baba holding his feet, that he needs to heed my prayer.
I was awake by 5.15am, & later he does something that I wouldn’t have imagined…
I get A Vision- i see Shirdi baba, But only his hand that moves in a quick sweeping motion,
& along with the sweeping motion of his hand, he delivers a strong message
“Very soon Babas tight slap shall be placed upon their cheeks; if they shall not mend their ways back to righteousness & duty. Their heads shall hang in shame!”
5.52am
I mean i was just quiet for a while, though its a typical way that we’ve often read in Sai Satcharitra, Where Shirdi baba would often use anger as a tool for correcting his devotees. His hand was robust & sturdy; Giving a clear message that he won’t anymore allow a certain kind of behaviour to go pass by me, Especially when that behaviour is detrimental to the well-being of ones spirit.
Later i was tuned in to another talk
Above link to talk in context to my prayer i shared below
Yesterday itself in pain i had told him- No matter what just hold my hand & then today again how he send this talk about Kunti & Krishna & why difficulties in truth are a blessing in disguise. Swami Never Fails to Acknowledge your most sincere prayers with a sign.
later from within he tells me- offer me water thrice in the day & have, not twice.
As yesterday when he had mentioned that your Cancer has spread in a difficult zone- i had told him I’ll have the water offered to you twice a day as medicine/prasadam to counteract this cancer. And just now he said- offer me thrice a day & have it.
7.21am
Nothing matters Now-
I Love You! I Love You!!! & that’s Enough!!!
8.10am
Once again a message similar to the above poem- That there is Only God, Only Self.
O Beloved Father of mine- Please intervene in all aspects of my life!!!!
& Especially the one,
that i asked for today itself!!! For only you can bring about a transformation of minds!!!
11.05am
That lil voice from within-
Your Every Step towards me; Is A Blessing you Give to yourself, Because this Baba Gives Nothing But The Best to His Beloved!!!
1.17pm
Vision - He’s holding me close to his chest & rocking me, as he moves in that back & forth motion when a mother rocks her baby-
it’s a young child, But I know it’s me,
While he says “My Beloved Child, My Beloved Child, Your life is going to be An Inspiration for many”,
& he keeps me, Within the embrace of both his arms, snuggled to his bosom.
Vision ends
1.57pm
This painting was done back in 2020, But it’s quiet relevant here, as it’s about how Sai Maa is holding the infant just above the waves; saving it from drowning in the seas of life.
Again that lil Voice-
Truth Always Wins, because Swami Never leaves the side of His Faithful devotee.
2.02pm
This is a sweet gesture, Imagine God praying to himself, for the well-being of his children’s
Have become so quiet that there’s Nothing more, I anticipate in my life further….was sitting in the society’s common ground for a while, enjoying the intermittent cool breeze in the may Sky,
So it feels like a change of place, as being cooped up in home due to the pain most times.
A once again the draining of energy was so severe, that I was unable to walk. That’s when this message popped on my screen- “Bangaroo, Smile I’m Here”
He’s always with us. It truly doesn’t take much to be Kind to another being & to help lift ones spirit. Few loving words & that’s enough!
I mean the Divine synchronicity of this message here, that goes with the mornings Vision of Baba stating he shall slap if they don’t mend their ways.
But I know Swami Never uses the word “Punish”, He always said it’s Correction Bangaroo. That’s how a soul grows in its Self, through Corrections for actions done solely for harming others.
25th May 2026
There’s No Desire left in me…No Desire left, No Prayers left- Empty Empty Empty!!! Inspite of a failing body, No desires, Not even for healing- Just Empty!!!
1.35am
Later A Vision- Satya Sai babas hand moved forward- Visibly clear & touches my head,
His Right Abhaya hastha hand, While he smiling saying, “You’re Mine, You’re Mine!”,
but his face is blur like out of focus. I sense his touch of fingers upon my forehead through the day.
Vision ends
10.02am
Later Again A Vision
We both are seated in the interview room like a space, As were seated very close to Swami,
going by the visual references of devotees seated in an interview room.
He’s seated on a chair, facing Atul, While we’re both seated near his feet. His left hand is gently placed upon my head & with his right hand he puts a Vibhuti dot on Atul’s forehead, at the third eye region.
While he says- “You Both are Blessed!”
Vision ends
1.46pm
I finished the painting next day by 26th, the reason why I painted it such is because Swamis yellow gown was so appealing. Hence I kept him as the focal attention keeping the rest in monotone
PS- Since i have not physically seen the interview room, & i was going through videos for reference, i share this here as in this particular film, Swami is seen mentioning to the devotees - “You’re your heart, Not your mind!” As is the central teaching of this entire work
Later as I google the Spiritual Significance of the above Vision
Sathya Sai Baba applying Vibhuti (sacred ash) on a devotee’s third eye (the Ajna chakra between the eyebrows) is a profound spiritual gesture. It symbolizes the burning away of the ego and ignorance, awakening intuition, and acting as a protective shield.
Destruction of Ego: Vibhuti symbolizes the final, unchanging state of all matter when burnt. Applying it to the third eye is a reminder to burn away worldly desires, attachments, and ego
Awakening of Wisdom: Often referred to as the eye of intuition or knowledge (Jnana Chakshu), the third eye is where one focuses to transcend duality and realize the ultimate divine truth
Divine Protection: In Sai tradition, a touch of vibhuti on the forehead is considered a spiritual "referral note" to the divine. It acts as a shield or talisman to protect the devotee from negative influences and guide them on their spiritual path
26th May 2026
I actually didn’t comprehend that not only would Swami send me this message but that he even wanted me to include it here….
The reason being yesterdays day,
I was trying to finish the painting of both the Visions that Swami gave & by late evening, exhausted I just went for a stroll, near the lane towards the park that’s within the colony.
I saw a female dog- Whom we lovingly call as “the drama queen”, because she was quiet a personality
& when Coco was there, she being the alpha of her gang, would start howling in excitement seeing coco & me, as we would often feed her & her troupe biscuits.
Yesterday I saw her after a very long time, & she looked old-feeble, and many of her gang members were not to be seen.
She was all alone, laying right in the centre of the lane, panting due to extreme heat & had an acid reflux & vomiting.
And seeing her in that vulnerable condition my heart broke.
Our indie dogs resilience is something on par, they brave extreme heat, rains with no place to go, not knowing even if they shall have meals, Constantly shushed around, braving skin infection & sickness, even though many pet lovers willingly help with food & vaccination.
But largely they are on their own.
As i called her name, She responded in a feeble voice, Instead of that loud howling of acknowledgement she would greet us with
Since I didn’t have anything on hand,
I decided to offer her water which I always carry. But she refused. So I thought I’ll go home have dinner & then maybe get some food for her.
But I couldn’t go down again, due to the fatigue of Cancer.
Hence I kept praying to Swami, Please take care of her, She has no one, Pls take care of her.
& later Swami Acknowledge my prayer with the above message
By early afternoon, While asking for Blessings for all, stating that maybe due to this pain, my life was seen lesser than theirs & so he should bless them with what makes them happy….
& right there Swami interjects my thought with these words - that come from that lil voice of conscience-
“Beloved you’re A Blessing in their life; They just don’t know that, What you did for them, they wouldn’t have been able to do.
You’re My Blessing & Your Heart is My Grace upon this earth. Never Forget these words of your Baba!”
11.26am
To that above message my heart melted into these words-
The Voice of Conscience is Simple & Sweet,
it’s Kind & it’s sweetness is not like some superficial candy; But like that fragrance that ripe mangoes carry.
It’s Plain, Yet Profound, It looks upon you as it’s very own Self; that’s equal in all; Hence it’s words are not to Praise you Nor Bethrone you, It comes from a Place of Kindness that Truth emanates.
While Loving One it doesn’t Abuse anther.
For it’s there Present equally in all.
It’s just based on One’s journey that makes this Voice audible crystal clear, like the waters where mud has settled still; That’s how One may differentiate it from the Voice of Mind!
Because the Minds Noise is Universal; It’s either lurking as A Victim, Or Acting as though it’s Superior & all else is beneath it!
Whilst the Self is Humble in its Being- All!
For God Loves & God doesn’t allow wrong! 12.04pm
Above link to post
Lil did i imagine that to the above heartfelt of this Voice of Conscious within each, Swami would send a message in that very context.
27th May 2026.
This is indeed a Beautiful painted backdrop, with Swami in the front & Shirdi Sai’s idol seated upon Shesha Sai
Swami For me,
It all started with Shesha Sai entering my life, Along with you inspiring me to paint.
And from there on, it just took into a direction,
Where he alone is the wire puller & story writer. With the Vision of Shesha Sai finding my jeep,
as a metaphorical symbol of helping me come out from this state of stagnancy in my life due to this illness.
Well Now Shesha Sai itself shall lead me to the Finish line of this story too.
1.28am
Above link to post
I Believe for anyone’s life this message is enough that he knows everything. And he alone can fix it.
Many a times in this world, we come across such apathy at human hands, upon animals & children’s that something shifts within ones soul.
I came across a story of this indie dog & seeing what he was subjected to….
My tears just wouldn’t stop & I felt a deep hole within
& to his above message from Bhagwan- is saying “Fix it”, ever enough???
Long back Swami had given me this beautiful poem -
“I’ve painted His Sky with Flowers & Stars,
Because Everyone deserves to be Loved!”
PS: finished painting by 28th
So i wish to share this painting here for Badal; the indie stray, who was in the middle of a seizure & was met with such apathy, where glass bottles were thrown at him by a few kids, just for fun.
(Swami inspired me to share his story & pic stating, if one can’t even bear the pain upon seeing the pic, then imagine what that soul went through)
The glass shattered piercing deep within his skin & he bled & as though that wasn’t enough,
he was then beaten by sticks by a few drunkard men, as the kids backed off, while they dragged him & broke his jaw.
A moment of pain, where he was in a seizure, being helplessly alone and not knowing how to go about through that…
When Badal should have been helped, he was met with such a ghastly act.
While a large crowd stood by & shot his plight to make reels.
It’s only when an animal rescue team was alerted that the crowd, who was enjoying his plight dispersed in a cowardly manner.
I wonder what civilisation we are heading towards if our kids are so insensitive to a plight of an animal that can’t even voice out, lest alone cry in shrieks, while a crowd watches someone’s pain to make reels
Seeing this, a part of me died in what he went through & I cried inconsolably.
Badals pain shall always be in my heart, the reason being…
long back Swami showed me through a dream.
There’s a huge crowd, & im one amongst the thousands of people waiting there.
And there’s a tall wall dividing us with some bad force lurking behind those walls.
As i could sense it in my skin. And out of no-where,
A Tiger happens to scale the wall & jump across towards our side.
Everyone in the crowd runs for their life,
the tiger goes past me, then he turns & plunges towards me & he’s caught me by my neck,
as i fall down.
He’s dragging me & as I’m dragged around,
the crowd breathes a sigh of relief that at least it wasn’t them, Who was caught as tigers prey.
While the tiger is dragging me, some people from the crowd laugh & mock me.
I knowing well that i have no choice, surrender myself to being dragged. After it drags me to a significant distance, a hand like a shadow appears out of nowhere & strikes at the tiger,
Who visibly being scared of that powerful hand releases me & fleds.
I too knowing in my heart who saved me,
run towards a circular building & as I run up the slope of a spiral passage, bhajans are on,
i run on the top most floor, where Swami is seated alone on a chair, blissfully listening to bhajans.
I flung myself at his lotus feet in tears & Gratitude for saving me, while he places his hand on my head.
& the Dream ends
The reason why Badals pain is mine, is because while he was beaten down, the crowd around him laughed at his pain & made reels.
That’s exactly what Swami showed me long back in the dream considering the way this pain was,
That I would be mocked for it & would have to learn to back myself up, considering not many will be forthcoming enough to help.
For me Cocos coming, broke the spell & Atul no matter what gave his best.
Badal bore the pain upon his body as well as spirit, while mine was largely invisible in both context, considering medical science couldn’t even diagnose it’s lupus, & episodes of pain just kept getting difficult through the years, until lupus led to Blood Cancer.
Hence I deeply felt One with what Badal endured!
So this painting is for Badal,
& for Shaktiman-the horse, for Lucky, Kanhaiya,
& many of our indie dogs, who are nameless & Voiceless & are seen as “insignificant”,
& for all children’s & women’s who too are time & again subjected to extreme atrocities.
i Believe this quote from Him just goes to show- that God sees all as precious & as valuable as him. And He Never looks down upon any being.
So this painting here is for all.
Later
That Lil Voice from within
Wherever there’s Truth- there i stand & i stand beside you my child!
6.00pm
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