Heart Of God (Continues to 3rd part)
- megloke76
- Jan 4
- 28 min read
Updated: 22 minutes ago
3rd January 2026
In this world,
Where Everything Fades…
I’ve Given it All to you- My Beloved!
“This Heart Of Gold & its Songs of Pain”,
Now there’s Nothing more left to Offer thee,
“But This Heart Of Love”;
That But you gave; “As A Sign of Thy Grace!”
to me.
6.09am
Truly, There’s Nothing more left to Ask of thee,
For what you’ve given is Enough for my Soul & me 6.30am
As Revelation of Truth dawned- that even if he may promise, “I’ll come tomorrow…”
& then Fulfil it naught-
I Still Shall Love him, “As My Very Own”,
& it’s ok now…Everything…For there’s this
Heart within me- That’s suffused with His Love!
Later many messages Swami sent my way upon my feed.
Above link to insta post
Above link to insta post
And this particular Photo, drew my heart for it was so unusual, It was of Hanuman ji, sitting on the 7hood Shesha Sai & this work is all woven with Swami as Shesha Sai
I felt Swami sent Hanuman, to make the way for me. As just a few days back, there was Shirdi babas message that pray to Hanuman to make the way.
Actually upon Coco’s passing, I kept chanting Gayatri mantra - endlessly, for the first six months- Asking Swami to Bless his soul, when I had nothing left to speak anymore. I would just stay quiet in honour of his life & in Gratitude Chant for him.
And a year later I repeated the same with Hanuman chalisa for more than a month,
As we would often lovingly address Coco as Hanuman, as in his puppy days- he had the habit- to just jump into our arms, as though he’s flying.
Later the next day as I was sharing this post on my website - I checked the significance of this form of Hanuman ji & here is the meaning
Ashtamsa Varada Anjaneyarefers to a specific, unique form of the Hindu deity Hanuman, prominently featured at the Sri Ashtamsa Varadha Anjaneyar Temple in Coimbatore, India, distinguished by eight powerful, boon-granting attributes (Ashtamsa), including his right hand offering blessings (Varada Hastham), the presence of Goddess Lakshmi in his palm, and his tail pointing North towards wealth (Kubera's direction). This deity embodies protection, prosperity, and the granting of wishes, with specific iconographic details like his west-facing face for curing illnesses and south-facing feet for protection from untimely death.
And i was completely blown away by the entire significance of this Hanuman form that, Swami sent my way- for curing illness & the other symbolic meaning of blessings it embodies.
I’m So, So Touched with the way he’s leading me.🙏🙏🙏
4th January 2026
Slept late again, due to intense pain of nerves,
Upon the centre of my scalp aerea - like I’ll die…
Was awake by 4.30am,
But forced myself to get some rest & sleep…
& in those early morning hours Swami Gives A Vision-
I see his face smiling- his eyes are big & Full of love, looking at me, Piercingly into my soul,
Yet tenderly & gently, While he stretches out his right arm, in a gesture- “Come!”,
I can barely see his dress, as there’s so much light. Like it’s all flooded with light- Bright,
glass reflections, and a suggestive of yellow warm but mild, that reflects through it.
& he keeps looking at me with those love-filled eyes & says- “It’s Lupus, It’s Lupus, It’s Lupus,”
as his face, his eyes linger, deep within my heart
& stays there.
I don’t know what to say- as just day before yesterday I wrote to him-
Swami,
Without this Blessing of
“Answered-Prayers “, Where does this work stand?
For Without A Sign from Thee-
“My Belief too is Questioned!!!”
11.54pm
If Only My Beloved Sai would look within my soul- With His eyes Full of Love,
& convey it all….
For True Respect Only Comes Through Love!
So i pray this Heart-
This Love Solves my health problem-
Where a Mind can’t even go!
2.43pm
& For him to Answer my very thought- that too,
by looking into my eyes & conveying silently, H2h that it’s Lupus, With today mornings Vision,
in the way I asked him, made me feel- How Beautiful His Love is!
His Love, So Palpable, For his eyes are upon my soul- looking over & through & through…
With Kindness & Love, Unfadingly he’s woven them into the Essence of My Innermost Being, Never to leave;
This Respect today he showed to Cocos Love, Atuls Support & My Spirit, Can Never be Stolen by time.
For in Gods eyes Our Journey has been Acknowledged & in such A Beautiful-Tangible way!
“Grateful for Everything Beloved of Beloved’s!” 12.15pm
Today I’ll be painting both- Hanuman photo that swami sent yesterday, sitting on Shesha Sai, Along with this morning Vision.
No sooner I finish writing down, this message below he gives.
i mean isn’t it so timely, The way he Answered this long awaited question regarding my illness- it’s diagnosis, in such a heart touching manner, through A Vision, Yes he has Unlocked the path, Broken the spell of this darkness with the light!
PS: he tells me from within that I should share this diagnosis signs with Atul today itself.
After painting both the above works
I guess, The work is still Unfinished…As I ask should I share now with all,
& in chits he answers- “Wait”.
I know my dad would be so happy, if he were here, as he passed on 3yrs prior to Coco.
And both my parents would be worried for my health as there was no way out medically & all physiotherapy would only backfire…
& initially many months I would lay- bedridden at my parents place, when Atul would be travelling on work.
Only after Coco’s coming, the Only therapy I did was Love! Coco’s Love- To get me from one day to another.
But I know- He Knows this work already as he had given me a sign through dream- When we had gone with Coco’s ashes to Ladakh & Parthi.
Atul had promised coco to take him to Ladakh &
I had a deep longing to take him to Parthi, But we couldn’t…
So we took Cocos ashes to Ladakh,
& by Indus River, Aryan valley, we offered part of his ashes, as he would have loved that place & would have even swam, if he was there.
My dad had come in my dream that time,
When I was very unwell & heart-broken, & we had to take 3 days of rest in hotel, & cut short our trip of further travelling
That’s when in the dream, he showed that my life here, is gonna be Felicitated.
So he already knew this work, Back Then in 2022!
& later by June we drove to parthi, & I offered Cocos ashes, partly there in Swamis Chitravathi.
And the remaining ashes we got home, kept in our temple amongst Gods!
3.15pm
Just now this painting got done…& I’m Grateful & humbled…Basically Swami inspired that I should make it into One Painting. That Hanuman Shesha Sai should be part of this today’s Vision as He Came to Clear my path. To Open the door that was Closed on me for 24yrs, regarding the diagnosis of this pain.
He came to give me Healing & Blessings.
Isn’t this So Beautiful- this Love of God- When you can’t go to him- He Comes to You! Like this Hanuman ji.
4.47pm
And while i was trying to search the image of Swami to paint this- I just realised that it’s the same portrait of his that he had inspired me earlier to paint for this work…
Where I’m in neck-deep sea of pain & His Grace keeps me afloat.
It’s just that Now instead of the ocean of pain, he inspired me to paint this Ocean of Red Kum- kum, that we lovingly offer to Lord Hanuman. For he came to open this closed door,
With the Vision Swami gave today morning.
The meaning behind offering Sindoor to lord hanuman
Sindoor is applied to Lord Hanuman out of immense devotion, stemming from a legend where he saw Goddess Sita applying it for Lord Rama's long life and smeared his entire body with it to ensure Rama's immortality, leading Rama to bless that worshippers offering sindoor to Hanuman would have their troubles removed. It symbolizes his unparalleled dedication and love, and devotees offer it to receive his grace and protection, especially on Tuesdays.
5.03pm
Thank you For this Beloved! Thank you, Truly No Prayer ever goes unheard! The hanuman chalisa chanting, after Cocos passing, did reach thee, it’s So Beautiful how everything has fallen in place.
Yes His Love is The Biggest Miracle.
Baba pls come soon, As you know the Pain episodes are getting intense by the day. As today morning too, it got so bad, that my body just crashed, laying on floor, like I won’t make it. Pls Come Soon Now!
10.17pm
5th January 2026
I was asking Swami- “i hope you’re happy with the Hanuman & Vision painting”, after offering it to him yesterday…
And just now this message, Where Hanumanji is shown in the heart of Swami just like yesterdays painting,
So Swami is acknowledging he likes it
Beloved…
Now where to go…Where do you wish to take this work…
Since yesterday you said- “Wait”, to share for Heart of God!
So from here where to…
Lead me further, As I said- “You Go First!”
1.42pm
Once again his assurance That he carries us!
I don’t know why this message came on my insta, But i asked Swami do you wish to include this message for this work & he said - yes in the chits. So be it!!!
4.12pm
Later in the evening, While I’m listening to one of the talks, There a picture of Swami in the background with his eyes full of love- that Spoke to me in a poetry. Along with an inspiration to paint that portrait of him, that I’ll be sharing once the painting is done.
Above link to this post- with beautiful song that why are you hiding…
But Baba,
I do not get this lull, after every experience.
You’ve given me the name of this illness, diagnosis with myelin sheath, Now give me prognosis too. But more than that you tell me if it needs to be shared..
9.29pm.
& frankly speaking Swami, it just feels like- The Entire momentum of this work is lost….
Like the story no Longer makes sense, Who is even going to be interested in knowing regarding my illness???
Simply knowing about myelin sheath damage & lupus is like revealing a tiny speck of truth, in the face of A mountain of this deliberating pain that I’ve bore. And makes no sense unless through Prognosis- Where do i stand with it now, Then can the entire picture be told! Because it’s eating me up from within…And No One truly Knows!
1.00am
6th January 2025
To my yesterdays thought- That why there’s a lull after every experience,
Beloved, i finished the painting that i had started yesterday evening & i offered it to you just now 2.34am.
Including here yesterday’s evening poem that Swami gave, with words pouring from his eyes in that picture
In this wait of Silence- I’ve Prepared something
for you- To give All of My Love; that
For long I’ve wished to Shower upon you!
Beloved Thy Faith shall bring me to thy door!
For Thy heart is verily my home!
I look upon you with such Joy;
For Thy Patience, has fed my Soul!
Let This Love-linger within our hearts;
For what is to come-
Shall leave you basking in Joy;
“To An Experience; That’s Unparalleled-Unfelt- Unasked!”
For This Wait is Good!!!
As It Stokes Love into Something Beautiful!!!
-From your Sai
6.34pm
I was awake entire night in unbearable nerves pain upon my scalp, leaving me breathless…
& to divert my attention- I completed this above painting, I had started yesterday,
That’s when a thought crossed..
Swami you had told me on 19th June 2024, that you wanted me to share that - “I’m dying”, in the way this pain had got worse even then,
& not only did you give me multiple signs, back then to go ahead & follow your direction,
But when i was still reluctant to put myself out there- You came very strongly with these words, from within my heart!
“When Saibaba Tells you to do something,
There’s Always A Bigger Picture!!!”
To that above message, A Thought crossed-
“Can myelin sheath damage, be life threatening in lupus”, as you had told me then -
the pain is such that I’m dying.
& the answer i received upon searching is-
This above answer explains- this struggle to breathe due to nerve trigger, that kept me awake again till morning, As I’ve not slept a wink.
The Muscles weakness on my left side of back, are 80%weak than my right side, in a test done earlier prior to Cocos coming in our lives, Which explained these bedridden episodes.
And the endless episodes, Where I couldn’t walk & over thhe years-
these Pain trigger points were not just localised at the lower spine,
But spread all across the body & the flare-up period in this pain too extended from weeks into months, consuming my life in its grip, Such that there was No Sense of Normalcy.
Accompanied by constant infections that would take its toll on my body.
With Bad viral & stomach infections,
Severe Sinus that was blocked around my head & nasal cavities- very close to optic nerve,
Where I was asked to undergo surgery, But upon Swamis Guidance I didn’t.
& many more pain related episodes that would leave me Blacked-out.
I actually recollect that i haven’t had much
respite of good days of health in these last
24yrs as bad days of health would consume it all.
So Beloved- Once again i ask Thy Grace to make a way for me & tell me-
If the myelin sheath is damaged mild, Or is it life-threatening.
Please Answer with a single word- “Yes!”
If it is life-threatening
3.51am
Please Finish what you’ve started!!!
4.05am
For your Presence is so palpable here, enfolding me in your Grace & my life how so ever broken it may be-
In thy eyes- it’s Valued;As A Divine Blessings!!! 5.36am
So Beloved- Please Finish this what you’ve started & don’t leave me like this half way…
Above link to insta post with a beautiful message
Above link to insta post with a beautiful message
Above link to insta post with a beautiful message
Above link to insta post with a beautiful message
That’s True he’s there before anything happens & He’s There While it happens too,
Baba,
I’ve Breathed A Space of Acceptance, For wherever you wish to take this work… Because you’re the Author-Creator- Inspiration- I’ve just been A Receiver of Thy Abundance Grace & Love!!!
Thank you for each & every experience through this journey of pain- My Beloved!
This is Your Work- This is Your Body- This is Your Pain; Take it Wherever Thou wish to take!!!
I Accept it All that you’ve done in this work
& All that you still plan to send my way!!!
And in Gratitude For Cocos Undying Love & Atul’s Rock Support- Thank you!
For souls like me- too- have a place here!!!
7.20pm
i No longer seek anything Outside;
For within my heart You’ve left Thy Heart-beat!!!
7.22pm
In this Calm Acceptance, I told Him,
“Swami, I know very well that this lupus-myelin sheath damage is life-threatening,
because of the intensity of pain, I undergo day in & day out. Where the pain flare up that would last for a couple of weeks to a month, later went on for 3months of intense pain & this current episode has been ongoing since July. Where there are long intense pain flare ups every single day.
I know Coco knew the intensity & that it was life threatening, for he could just sniff the part of my body where the pain would trigger & flare.
Even the ones on my scalp. And he would not leave my side even for a second.
And lately the nerve trigger points on my scalp from that one spot on the left side of my head, has spread all across the scalp.
So Swami, it matters Not, for I know that I’ve been hanging upon a thin thread of life since long,
Which if snaps, I shall no longer be here-
But I’m here Only because of Thy Grace that’s holding my life-force here. And until you wish me to be here.
But I know Coco knew that too- It’s a Gift God has given to many dogs & especially since Coco was A Natural therapy dog, he could detect the abnormalities of not just my body, But many along the way
As dogs are Gifted to sense cancer even decades prior to the onset of this illness, as well as diabetes sugar spike, and many many other diseases.
And the Greatest gift is that Unlike medical Science that can’t diagnose some illness,
maybe if they could use dogs to assist them to diagnose, would be a path breaker in itself.
Like abroad, if here in India we could introduce dogs as well as other animals as Therapy dogs,
In various hospitals for patients emotional care, then that would instil- A Confidence & Strength of Gods heart in them.
And one’s need to rely on anti-depressants would no longer be of any use.
For Dogs Love is the most Purest on Earth- to me, when a dog enters your life, then it is in a way- God coming to you to give you All of His Unconditional Love.
And especially for Palliative care patients.
For Dogs carry The Silence of God & the Fragrance of His Love, that humans don’t have!
7th January 2026
Today morning- Swamis Voice broke into ripples upon ripples of love, from within my heart- Singing-
“Samatha Lokah Sukino Bhavantu”,
for All Of His Creation & then the poem was given
Gods Heart Prays for the Well-being of All;
Gods Love Sings of Hope- Lost!
God prays for each & every one of its Creation;
For within Each, Resides His Soul!
His Love make the weeping-willows sing in Joy! His Light Swallows decades of-
One’s Silent-Painful-nights.
Upon his tender eye-lashes the Creation Rests; Hence God Never Sleeps & His Heart
Constantly Sings & Prays;
“Samastha Lokah Sukhino Bhavantu!!!”
For God Knows Naught To Take, But to Give, Give, Give!!! That’s how Beautiful Swamis love is!
10.08am
As I was going through few pictures of Swami, to paint to go along with the above painting he just gave…
I asked him in chits- Should I paint this picture of yours & he answered- No!
And immediately he showed me in my eyes- like a vision- of Coco’s face! That should be shared.
So I was scrolling my insta page to see various paintings of Coco & this below here was the exact way he showed Coco in the vision.
His face & eyes big looking upon me.
I had shared this painting of Coco on 11th February 2023, almost a year to Coco’s passing, with the title- “It’s Okay Mom, You’re doing good!, as I would get this face of Coco in my minds eyes constantly through the pain, saying- you’re doing your best, I’m there! Even after Ones passing Love goes on!
& While I was still looking at Coco’s face in the painting- that lil voice of Swami spoke this from within…
My Child anyone who stays with someone in their moments of Extreme Pain, Nurturing, Caring, Selflessly for them-
They Verily are “The Heart of God”, upon this Earth!
For they are My Prayers Sent down to help you traverse from one day to another.
Coco is that Heart, That Prayer born from my lips.
Hence in this work- His Portrait has to be shared- For he is me & we are One!
1.08pm
& my eyes welled up at this Beautiful way of Love Acknowledging Love,
Because to me Coco was always Swami come to me with A Heart of Gold- Upon four paws.
Yes anyone who helps someone in their extreme pain in the need of that hour-
is verily Gods Prayer upon this earth.
In Humble Gratitude with soft tears flowing down- I share this Love!
Baba,
Matters of the Heart are Simple; So Please keep it Simple- Leave the answer on the chits I’ve left at thy feet. The one you bless- with a sign- Will be the answer coming from you.
6.18pm
(By evening I had placed two chits at Swamis feet as a prayer.)
8th January 2026
Baba,
You gave me an Assurance with yesterdays message, that before this Thursday you’ll come with an answer…
Baba it’s Already Thursday now,
So, Please fulfil your promise & let me know the prognosis of this pain…
For right now, this pain has crossed all threshold,
& I simply am unable to bear it.
1.35am
Feels like I’ll die….
This work started with Shesha Sai painting-
Now the Shesha Sai who came in my dream to help me find my lost jeep-
Shall reveal everything in details regarding this myelin sheath damage, if its life-threatening or not.
Because i can’t do it on my own anymore,
Now you do it, i can’t bear it anymore-
Now you bear this pain.
It’s like the centre of my scalp is burning, on fire with nerve pain, along with sinus trigger,
Leaving me Breathless such like I’ll die!!!!!
Later this message of His Blessing!
Above link to the post
Was awake till late due to intense intense pain & then slept
Later in the morning, Swami gives a vision-
I see Swami, seated & writing a letter to me-
& the words flow within my heart as he writes…
Swami inspired me to include these two paintings to go with the letter he wrote to me through vision. This one was shared on 14th February 2024
Like a thousand fire-flies that dance through the night, I kept My Faith going through valleys dark & unending storms. Whilst He’s kept my heart going…
(these above lines I had shared with the work, with just the last line I changed, as per today’s vision that swami gave- that it is he who keeps my heart going)
& this second painting he inspired me to include was shared on 30th May 2024.
As often times in extreme pain- I would imagine, that both Coco & I are resting by Swamis feet!
Below is the poem that Swami wrote to me in the vision today morning.
Beloved,
Know that your Sai Loves you,
Know that He Alone knows & carries you through your pain:
When you struggle to Breathe- “it is i who experience”, how through each breath-
“life-slips”
It is I who embrace your nights with a blanket of hope; So you don’t give in
If your Sai is Silent…
it is because he’s carrying your soul as His;
It is because these pains- Cannot even come to thee- Unless it First goes through me.
For true love distills ones pain & makes it bearable, Until this pain too shall pass…
& dissipate at the very touch of My Given Promises!
“And in my Promise- I’ve Already Made you Whole & Healed!!!!”
Until then Allow My Silence to help you Breathe!
8.38am
to my early morning heart-felt, Where I asked him to bear the pain, this above vision of him writing to me, that the pain can’t even come towards you, unless it first passes by him.
So once again Swami is Assuring that he has already given me everything!
& I truly have no words to speak, with the way His Love keeps flowing….to help me cross these moments of excruciating pains.
Later again this voice from within…
Beloved Thy Wait Shall Not Go Futile; Your Sai shall Unlock the doors of the sky!
Everything shall make sense in a while!
9.07am
I had placed these two chits yesterday by Swamis feet, asking him to give me the answer- if this lupus that I have, is it life-threatening, So below Swamis assurance- He Shall make a way…& answer.
Above link to the post
This painting was shared on 19th September 2021.
& this line was shared with the above art- How Beautifully you’ve laid, You’re Heart upon my Soul…
This painting was Shared on 6th August 2025
Swami inspired I should use these above 2 paintings to go with the poem, he just gave.
This time of mine; Where I’m Alone with Sai,
This Time that he’s prepared Only for me…
This time of intense & deep-deep pain,
Where none But him sits beside me.
Each second through this body- i slip- i fall,
i wilt, i die- in a pain that’s consuming all of my life.
I struggle & struggle to make sense of things-
like a brain-fog, as though my head is covered
in a polythene-
“Where there are No pores- left to Breathe”,
I Know i know he knows it all- to lead me back -
Within-to my soul!
He holds me like a flower upon winters bed-
Where i may wilt-
But His Grace sees that my roots aren’t dead!
I may Never understand this Love he has for me- Why he has kept me here- When All within is fading!
If you wish to see What True Love looks like-
See through Hope he blossoms within me as life.
Eve whilst i wilt, i die, i fade & feel it’s Enough-
this pain my Sai,
Yet from within he keeps breathing…
As Coco, innumerable times reminded me-
“That if God has Chosen to keep you here”-
Then No Matter how bad the storms of pain may swirl;
“Don’t Give in! Don’t Give in!”
For you are That Hope that carries his sky
& with your every tear- “Bejewels his nights!”
If God wants you here, then Nothing in this Universe can alter- “This Will of God!”
For God Will stems from His Undying Love!
7.29pm
& immediately after Swamis message of Blessing, post this poem
9th January 2026
Those yesterdays Chits of prayer, I’ve left it with Baba, I don’t know why he doesn’t answer,
But he knows Best!!!
& i leave it to that!
Later to some thought i was having regarding life - from within he replies to that thought…
“I’m Closer to you than anyone ever can be,
My child- I’m Your Breath!”
11.20am
To that i tell him-
Yes Baba,
“Your words are Soothingly-Truthful & Beautiful!!!”
11.42am
later as I was finishing uploading the paintings of my yesterdays post this below message Swami gave…
link to the above post
Swami, I guess my test is ongoing too, like the exams of students you’ve mentioned above,
that’s why you don’t answer my prayers of chits & that’s fine too…
Swami once again the explanation of your words to your students are so Beautiful.
But mother, I do not know anymore in this love for you, if I’m big Or You’re small,
“For you’ve Become My Heart- My Whole!”
Thy Presence is so palpable- Breathing life unto my soul!!!
Thank you!
12.47pm
As I told you yesterday, when Shall you answer- My Prayers of Chits, regarding lupus- Or how…
Thats totally up to you,
if you wish to test & test my heart- So be it, because mother, Im Dissolved into This Presence of thy Love within me- Even Whilst this pain of nerves is eating me up from within-
I Need Nothing! I Need Nothing!
And in your every test thou shall find this Heart;
Grateful for All the Love that you’ve poured unto my soul.
Without Your Grace-
I wouldn’t Not only be Alive here,
But I would be wiped out.
You sent Coco, you gave a Freind as a life-partner who Never once questioned my pain, Or made a remark - “When shall i be fine?”, as just two months into our marriage this downfall began. Instead Atul Chose to stand by.
You have even come in my dream a week prior to the onset of this illness- curbing it’s otherwise route- that may have left me bedridden for life-
In the dream with your anger, you stopped that- when I tried to offer you bananas, while angrily you didn’t accept & walked away,
So I know that it could have taken a very difficulty turn in my life-
if you Not admonishing this illness like Shirdi Baba, would do.
Swami I have Only Gratitude for all that you’ve done & how far you’ve got me as well as Graced your love upon me!
All your Test shall end in this Smiling Heart within me- That Knows-
“God Loves me!”
What’s more left to ask Or say….Beloved!
But to Offer this overwhelming Love,
That you’ve filled;
in my every cell, dying nerves & breath.
So Thank You, Beloved!!!
Whatever you wish to do with my life- That’s okay too.
12.56pm
later this message from Sai, that he’s said yes to my prayers….
Above link to post
Above link to post
just now again a vision-
Shirdi baba wearing a white Kafni, holding a tiny baby in his arms, close to his chest & gently tapping the baby’s back- saying-
in your every tear, every cry through this pain-
I was there. I Never Once left you. I have carried you in my embrace for lifetimes over lifetimes.
This Umbilical cord of love can never be severed by Birth, Death & Time!
5.19pm
This is how Gods love is for his every child. He Never Once left us- We are in his embrace of love- Eternally.
We may think we are in this world, But in Truth we Never left his embrace.
Just today afternoon I told him - I know I’m loved by you…
This last message of the day, is Swamis sign to the above Vision- that We are always in his hold, in His Embrace.
10th January 2026
Swami,
Today morning in my heart,
I came both to Parthi & Shirdi & I kept this iPad
at thy lotus feet.
In Parthi I saw your bronze statue for some reason, Not as I usually see- you seated on chair in Kulwant hall.
It was the bronze statue that you inspired me to paint as Heart Of God for healing of mind & body. I saw that statue & there I placed this iPad as a symbol of placing this work at your Lotus Feet.
I always see cocos presence near you in Parthi,
So I felt his presence too.
And as I placed this work at your lotus feet,
I even offered my soul there & silently said- “You gave birth to this work- Heart Of God!,
You gave Birth to my soul too,
Now you decide where to take this work.
And even my soul- you decide,
if you wish me to be Here Or Not!”,
I said the same when I took this work to Shirdi too, placing this work at his feet.
That you decide now, for you gave life to this soul & this work, Where you wish to take it.
I stayed there for a while & then opened my eyes.
The Greatest Blessing of being an artist is that when you can’t travel to some place physically, you can do it in your heart.
9.09am
Today,
You’ll get A Closure, for what you’ve prayed for…
Swami says this from within
1.19pm
Above link to post…
though he had sent this message my way, few days back, but today again he sent through a family member as though assuring-
He will make a way!
Swami,
Your Silence & Not reaching out to me, until now, inspite of this mornings promise given from within-
That “Today you’ll get a closure for what you’ve prayed for”,
signifies only one thing- that my heart isn’t that receptively Pure as Cocos heart….
Cocos Love Never Failed- But my heart did!
Cause you were going to give me the answer of the damage of lupus on this body, details of it, & closure by today, but you didn’t!
So I Have Failed both you & Coco!!!
& Beloved I truly have Nothing more left to offer thee. Nothing….that says I deserve this Grace from thee.
Because I know there’s Nothing I can do to make you answer- But Now it has to be Purely your Grace that gives me this Closure!!!
7.29pm
Above link to post…
in my heart I told him- I sure am not like Shabari, because Swami just doesn’t seem to End this Wait, irrespective of countless promises that he will come.
Swami, But you didn’t give me a Closure….
todays day ended too… But the Wait goes on…
11th January 2026
Coco knew the severity of this pain & hence he was with me through it.
Since this entire work is about Heart of God & Coco to me was that heart,
Once it so happened, Coco must have been barely 6months old & Atul had to travel on work.
The nerves in my lower back had flared again,
such that i was unable to walk.
& physiotherapy would only back-fire leaving me bedridden for months.
So the only thing I was asked to do, was reach a threshold of walking 30minutes a day,
before I thought of doing any kind of therapy.
As 8yrs prior to Coco’s coming in our lives-
I tried all kinds of therapies, but to No Avail.
And during such trigger phase, even to walk a few steps would be excruciating,
So unable to contain my helplessness,
I just broke down & soft tears surfaced in that quietness.
Coco saw me & knowing the pain i was in, he just sat near my feet, While I was seated on a couch,
Coco sat down facing me & looking up,
Right into my eyes- for 45 minutes- Straight…..
There was such Love- as his eyes kept telling me- “don’t cry”
Seeing him concerned this way, I quickly wiped my tears, While every now & then,
I kept assuring him- “it’s ok Coco, I’m fine, See I’m not crying”
But he didn’t budge an inch & simply kept staring with those compassionate eyes right into mine.
I now, remember, Shirdi Babas Satcharitra story, where he gave An Assurance to a devotee,
Who wanted a mantra from Baba, that a mother tortoise, Who maybe across the river from its babies, Yet her Loving glances are enough to take care of her lil ones.
That Babas loving glances too are enough in the same way, rather than wanting some mantra.
That day, I experienced that Love from Coco-
His constant glance; nurturing, holding me,
& giving strength to Not Give in.
And lil did I know- that glance from Coco,
gave me the Courage to keep walking, along him for 13.5yrs irrespective of the bad days of pain we both saw.
If Atul would be home, he would walk Coco & relieve him, on days I was unable to get up.
Yet even then Coco, wouldn’t leave my side
& had to be literally pulled away, for his walks.
But on countless occasions, While Atul was on work, I would just drive the car, to the park, which was barely 6-7minutes of walking distance from our home.
I would drive him, by only using my right foot to accelerate, While my left leg would not function due to extreme pain.
Hence the car would jump, as I was unable able to use the clutch.
We’d Drive and then I’d go and sit in the park,
asking Coco to move around and relieve himself,
Yet he wouldn’t leave my side & would only venture a certain radius, making sure,
I was in his vicinity & quickly wrap up his business, to sit beside me.
This Therapy Of Coco’s Love Alone kept me Steadfast through a pain, where there were no answers & many times doctors would ask in their narrowed judgments that has she gone “Cookoo”, as an indication that nothing shows up on test
While Conveniently overlooking the pain,
I was in, that left me unable to walk even a few steps.
So rather than being of any kind of help to Evaluate, Diagnose the pain, they fuelled the fire with their “Uncalled-indifference”
Maybe just on 2 separate Occasions the doctors were humble enough to say- That Some pains are very difficult to diagnose. And since the pain medications; even the narco-patch were of no help, they would refrain from administering any medications, except SOS.
With Coco there was no test needed, No Questions or doubts to be cleared,
No smiley faces to tell the doctor, what level of pain I was in….
No evaluation that it’s All Psycho-somatic, just because Nothing would show up on countless MRI’s.
Except for One test, just prior to Cocos coming, Showed that my left side back muscles are 80% weaker than my right.
Yet there was No Constructive diagnosis as to why, Both my muscles & nerves were giving in.
Coco, would simply sniff & know where the pain had triggered, in legs, or hands & later he would even warn me, a week prior to the onset of the trigger- to take it easy, so that the pain doesn’t leave me bedridden
My Life was Acknowledged in his eyes- Unconditionally with Selfless love!
With Countless days, laying on floor, utterly breathless & in extreme nerve trigger upon my scalp. Coco would lay next to me, for hours on end, with his head on my chest- literally crying, aware of the automated-tears trickling down my face.
At times waiting way past his last walk for the night.
We’ve waited until 2 in the morning & then, when I had enough strength to get up,
I would take him down & relieve him.
The way Coco has seen me day in and out in this extreme pain, None has.
I would even joke to Swami-
That Baba, you will Wait to answer my prayer, based on some “perfect timing”,
But Coco made, all of those difficult moments “Perfect”; Simply by reaching out to me with Love, When there was no way out!
Coco didn’t Fail in His Love, But I did, As Swami still Chose to Not answer the prognosis, he had promised.
So Swami,
I Accept fully this Will of yours- & I shall No longer ask again- Unless you wish to answer!
1.17am
Was awake till late & barely must have skept for two hours, as I was awake since 4am.
Early morning messages
& then again this message of assurance…that He knows what all we’ve been through…
I had wrote this to him on 10th- yesterday…
Swami,
if today itself you’ll answer, Whether this lupus is life threatening or not…
then I’ll go ahead & share the poem, along with the painting of coco & me
Swami didn’t give me a Closure, after an entires day wait yesterday…
But today i just felt in my heart to go ahead & share the poem…
This Painting shared was part of a post on 9th November 2023,
As he lay His Sun upon my skin… My dying cold winters began to Breathe!
For Pain is that Silence that withers all life-
Whilst Love is that Promise of God-
That sent His Heart as Coco; to hold my sky.
Yes winter has buried in its hold,
Even thy roots my Beloved!
But this Sun that was born from my soul- kept these blues warm,
So that life within wouldn’t wither & dry out.
i know for years- Thou lay as a tear drop of immense prayer & Faith & my sun made sure;
To thaw thy Spirit back to Hope; everytime this winter tried to bury you; in its bane.
O Beloved through our story i longed to share what True Love is…
When even in the midst of a blizzard; Where all that desires to bloom- instead dies to it’s mercy
But My Will alone made sure- This tear drop glimmered of Hope & as flowing rivers it was here- But To quench the thirst of many a souls.
Beloved- Our Story of Love shall show-
“That A Heart that leans on God”,
Can Never be frosted by winters of life!
For when God Wills for you “Not to Sink”,
Then No Winter can Stand in its way-
“To help you Thrive!”
For Gods Grace Overrules all that’s destined in Ones Life!
2.43pm-
& just after sharing the above, Swamis voice from within- “You’re Life & this pain, Shall Not go Un-Noticed, This is your Baba-Sai’s Promise!!!” 1.53pm
There was a phase, where years of questioning, judging and anger at the hands of few who couldn’t understand this pain I was in, along with medical science failures to diagnose, led me to a stage, Where I felt I can’t go on anymore.
& If Not for Coco’s presence & Atuls support back then - I would have probably given up & ended my life.
This below heart felt is Swamis way to say-
follow your heart, you are here, for that only- to let this voice of heart roar.
With the poem he just gave.
In Love for those,
Who Unflinchingly Loved & Stood by you-
You come to a place within- So Truthful;
Where there’s No Need Left to Ask, Nor Beg,
To Explain, Nor Complain!
Nor To allow thy Souls light get dim- in fodder
for Minds troubled by their Unceasing Futile thoughts- that kill!
When they But, Only Scratch the Surface;
Whilst asking about Thy Whereabouts-
Yet turning a Blind eye; to the Strength
that in pains, With which thou carried out!
Love holds you there- Bare Naked in the
Truth of Ones Conscience & shows
“You’ve come here to Shine Thy Light!”,
Do what you came to do-
Irrespective of the rantings of those troubled minds!
Ask Naught for a morsel of dignity to be served by hands that do Not even know the sweetness in Giving;
For poisoned their love turns, As their Minds are Busy Calculating “the deservedness” with which, to you they meet!
Hold thy Ground upon that Love that held your sky-
Ask Naught to Be Loved- Nor Cared-
When they themselves beg- “Bound by the Prisons of their small-minds!”
Live from this Truth; Where Truty Alone Shall Shine upon thee;
“& Reveal A Worthiness,
That every single life here-
Deserves to be met with!!!”
Until then- Be Quiet, Be Still!
3.06pm
Once again Swamis sign of Acknowledgment to the above poem
It’s Not that the pain is heart-breaking, Not even that most people Chose indifference-
But only that, All that One wants is for Swami to show up.
as last night- I saw a devotees talk…
& she was Swamis student & Later in life was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease,
that got Timely intervened- to help save her life.
But how Swami was there to guide her in career choices & even post the illness- given her strong support system, Such that she could juggle her career & even take care of her children’s
& inspite of tough challenges- Swamis constant guidance helped her to keep going & have a place here in this world too.
I don’t wish to mention the video as I in No way wish to take away from the struggles & pain that illness brings.
But i felt deeply, that why in my journey Swami chose to remain Silent…
That after Cocos passing he told through chits,
it’s lupus.
& confirmed it lately with dreams, Visions through this work & letting me know regarding the myelin sheath damage.
& yet this wait to still Not reveal the prognosis of pain- it’s like this Wait Never seems to end!
Why didn’t he intervene, When doctors were Of No help-
Sure I did walk this double-edged sword of physical pain that none could diagnose & emotionally put down by judgments & anger of few, Who were unable to understand the pain I lived in.
I couldn’t help feeling Overwhelmed & sobbed & sobbed my heart out entire evening, that I hadn’t even earned this Grace from him.
If The world leaves, it’s fine by me-
But Hope you Never do the same to me…
that’s all, that’s why these tears, That you kept Silent for 24yrs of my life
6.21pm
& then this message from Swami
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