Nothing Matters Anymore….

What words can a mothers heart weave…

Can Silence that Breaks one from within & Swallows one’s entire being,

Even while the river gurgles its music

That Pain that parents bear,

Upon loosing its child;

Can that Silence…Ever Be Heed

These are not just images & videos of some travel diaries,

But that moment that Is carved for eternity in mine & atuls heart,

as we offered part of Cocos ashes in the Indus River, by Aryan Valley.

Knowing how much Coco loved to swim in lakes.

(Indus River originated from Mansarovar)

We even kept a few river rocks on top of one another, in cocos memory as Buddhist often do for the loved ones who’ve crossed over.

To me, Coco is like water, soft, gentle, always flowing, always taking me forward through my pain,

Never letting me be Stagnant!

As I sat near the memorial for Coco, by the river, there was this quietness & the air so heavy & still like -

“Nothing matters anymore…”

April/2022

Ladakh

6.30pm

Once we headed back through the quaint village to our room with the remaining of his ashes, both atul & I sat quietly as we let the blue of the windows speak, where dusk laid insects with their music & the constant sound of the distant river gurgled & added to the overall serenity,

While our hearts broke!

I cried again inconsolably, while Atul’s eyes too couldn’t withhold the streams of love.

The room was dark, echoing that space of our hearts that’s been robbed of life, as we laid holding each other, just tears & no words to describe.

I told Atul I don’t think I can anymore leave his ashes anywhere forward on our journey & he too felt the same

(Even so that I still can’t share that video of Both Atul & i, offering part of his ashes in the river)

All along Coco sent dogs on our journey when we needed them most

& this time when Atul & I were heading towards the river, Sheru, a senior Ladakhi dog walked along us

Sheru would often come & sit outside our room, of one of the village home stays in Aryan valley

He is the neighbour’s pet &i know, Coco sent him, to lead us outside the village, when we were to offer part of his ashes

after Cocos Passing I've fallen out of conversations with so many people,

cause Truly, Nothing Matters Anymore!

©️ Meghna/2022